Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Happy Being Single

It's interesting to see how single women and men, with or without children, seem to always be questioned about their relationship status. My friends from college joined me last night for drinks. There were five us there and each of us had quite a unique situation going on in our lives and each one of us was perfectly content with the way things are going.

I chat an awful lot about my personal relationships so readers know that I'm content being single, and am still having many of my needs met from different sources in my life. Let me share with you the status of the four friends that were at my table.

One friend is married. He has a toddler and Baby #2 on the way. Another friend is engaged and getting ready to start her life in a new city with her future husband. Another friend is preparing for her wedding next year. They have been together for about a decade and have a son together. They've been living as a married couple for many years but are making it official next summer. And last, but certainly not least, there was a friend there who is also single. He has no children, has never been married and is not dating anyone at the moment.

Each one of our situations and experiences are quite unique. Each one of us is pretty honest and open about the way our lives have turned out and brought us to the place we are now. I am so pleased that we have been able to keep in touch and that we all make time to get together every once in a while to catch up.

Since my single friend and I had much in common - between people asking us about marriage and whether or not we'll settle down with anyone and questions about kids and whether or not we see babies in our future, I decided to talk to him about being single.

The two of us continued the conversation after the others at the table went home. He and I discussed how satisfied we are with our lives right now and the idea that somehow every one is meant to have a life partner doesn't quite work for us.

I think that, for me, I was always meant to be alone. And being alone no longer equates to loneliness. I admit, there are times I feel lonely and yearn for people who are far away, or miss having someone to wake up with each morning, but for the most part, I enjoy single life.

I like dating and getting to know people and having them in my life for certain periods of time and for different reasons. I am not actively looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with or be a dad figure to my son. I would be perfectly happy if I were in the same position by the time I turn forty.

There is one thing that I do think about changing with regards to my family. I would like to have a second child someday. Perhaps even a third. Do I start trying to conceive now so my son would be five when I have the second, or do I wait until a man comes along that is willing to help me raise a child?

Many men, and women, choose to be single parents from day one. There's a term for them. They're called intentionally single parents and while I don't think I would ever label myself this way if I did decide to raise another baby on my own, I do think that there needs to be more support for these types of families.

I think I'll throw it out there to the men in my life, the fact that I want to have another baby someday. Actually, most of them already know that I wouldn't mind having a second. What I don't think I've shared with them is that I wouldn't mind taking on that job solo. I wonder how many men would be willing to be a donor, willing to help me make this happen while being able to step aside and let me play Mom one more time.

What do you think? Is this a selfish decision that one makes or is this me craving a baby because I'm spending time this week with my 8 week old nephew? The jury's still out on what will happen next and I don't like living in absolutes. I'd be curious to know what readers think.


Lilith Silvermane said...

I agree with you hon. I have 6 of them, and I wouldn't mind more, however I am not sure if I want the relationship part of it. In fact, I asked my ex (the father of my last two children) if he would want to have more later.
He is up for it, however he can't pay for these two, I'm the one footing the bills.

It's feasible! And, who cares if people might find it selfish, if you think you can do it... Then by all means... let someone know and go for it!!

Anonymous said...

Have you heard of Princess Bubble?

HIP_M0M said...


You're amazing! Knowing nothing else about you; having six kids, and the fact that you want more - means not only are you an amazing mom but an amazingly patient and loving person.

Keep us posted on whether or not #7 joins the team!

Laura said...

Knowing yourself in and out makes you the best parent. No second guessing or soul searching. You know what you want and how to get it. I completely admire you. Good luck in all that you do!