Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The ABCs of Love

The Dictionary of Love by John Stark makes for an excellent gift for loved ones. It's naughty but nice! A note from the editors states just that:
...for the purpose of this book [a word is] defined only in terms of how it relates to he subject of love. In no way is this book an attempt to be salacious or vulgar. Still, it does not beat around the bush...Included are names of people, places, and products identified with love, and when appropriate, modern slang words discovered on the Internet and overheard on public transportation.

From A-Z, these are a few of my favorite words included:
  • Afrodesiac (n) a sexy African American male
  • bumper sticker (n) a tattoo on a woman's lower back
  • carry-on (n) a small overnight bag that doesn't have to be checked in at the airport so that upon arrival lovers can have more time to carry on
  • downshifting (vb) to quit a high-stress job in order to have more time with the person one loves
  • eye-hump (vb) to seduce someone with one's eyes as she or he walks innocently by
  • fifties (n) the last era in which people waited until they were married to have sexual intercourse
  • good night's sleep (n) a state of unconsciousness that as one gets older one finds is more satisfying than staying out late or even getting laid
  • homeostasis (n) a steady state in the body's internal environment that includes one's heart rate, temperature, and electrolyte balance, all of which are shot to hell when one falls in love.
  • in bed (adj) a phrase one adds to the saying inside a fortune cookie when reading it aloud at the table
  • Jurassic (adj) a geological term that refers to a period of the Mesozoic era, when dinosaurs ruled the Earth <"I know Ty digs older women but this one's Jurassic.">
  • klingons (n) a couple who are disgustingly lovey-dovey, esp. in front of other people
  • library (n) a safe, well-lit building where books, reference materials, and periodicals are kept and where people must speak in sexy, hushed tones, which is perfect for picking up dates.
  • mate poaching (vb) the act of stealing another's boyfriend or girlfriend
  • nice (adj) a. amiable and pleasant; non-argumentative b. descriptive of people from Minnesota
  • oompa-loompa vibe (n) a creepy feeling a person gets from a stranger, esp. a blind date or someone who is hitting on him or her
  • penis (n) the male external reproductive organ that contains the urethra, through which urine and semen pass, and where some women think men's brains are located.
  • quiver (n) the pouch in which Cupid carries his arrows
  • red light (n) an automated stoplight that's put up at busy intersections so drivers can check each other out
  • sassy tuna (n) a woman who is exceptionally flirty and brazen
  • titanic (vb) to go down on a first date as in oral sex
  • user-friendly (adj) a person who is known to be promiscuous
  • vacancy (n) a neon sign that lovers look for on highways
  • wallboard (n) a light building material that has become a substitute for wood or plaster and allows people in apartments and condos to know who's sleeping with whom and what they're into
  • XY chromosomes (n) a. in genetics, the 2 chromosomes that determine the sex of an individual; males carry a single X and a single Y chromosome, while females carry 2 XXs and no Y b. when seen under a microscope the X chromosome is much larger than the Y, which would indicate that the female is not just the fairer of the sexes but also the stronger
  • yellow (adj) the color of the sun and many varieties of flowers, birds, butterflies, and fruit, as well as sexy road signs such as Curves Ahead, Stop When Flashing, and Slippery When Wet
  • zelophilia (n) sexual arousal from feelings of jealousy
With special sections devoted to Types of Love, Fetish Examples, Synonyms for Breasts (and Erections), Swinger Terminology and Vibrators, The Dictionary of Love is the hilarious and complete guide to all things lovely, sexy and arousing. The only thing better is making love!

1 comment:

SK said...

OMG, these are hilarious. It's like the urban dictionary, but strictly for erotica. Love it.