The Time Traveler's Wife

I read The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger back in 2002, when I received an Advance Reading Copy (ARC) from the publisher. The book stayed with me long after I finished reading it. It was unlike anything I had ever read before, or since! Part science fiction, part romance, this is a story of love and longing.

I lent the ARC to my sister, if I recall correctly, and never did end up reading the final, published version of the book although I assume that little was changed. I had a difficult time explaining the storyline to others and I was thrilled when I heard that Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt (who were still married at that time) purchased the film rights before the book was even released. It was an immediate best seller and I nearly forgot about the project until they began filming a few years ago.

The Time Traveler's Wife is the first book that I mention to people when they ask me to list my favorites. The film did not disappoint, although I was prepared and made sure to bring plenty of tissues. It was amazing and brought me to tears with practically every scene.

I did hear some people around me trying to figure it all out (during the film and afterward), so I do think that reading the book ahead of time left me a little more prepared for the idea of this time traveling, tear-jerker of a story. It was beautifully portrayed by Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams.

I won't spoil the movie for those who haven't seen it, but I do highly encourage you to read the book first. It's an amazing adventure that will keep you turning the pages, falling in love with each of the characters and leave you wondering what your life would be like if you could travel to the past or into the future.

It left me with many questions, such as what would I tell my seventeen-year-old self if I could? What would I tell my grandchildren if I could travel into the future? Or would I just want to be there to witness and observe?

Dad Gone Mad

Last week, I went to Danny Evans' book signing here in Escondido. It was pretty deceiving, since we walked into the large bookstore and explored the entire store without finding Dad Gone Mad or anything that remotely looked like there was an event going on somewhere in the vicinity. In fact, we almost left, my friend making fun of me for driving such a long way on the wrong night, or driving to the wrong location. Then, I asked an employee to help me figure it all out once I had the Dad Gone Mad appearance listing open on my iPhone...

We found Danny tucked away in a little corner of the bookstore, where he was answering questions and reading from his book, Rage Against the Meshugenah. Perhaps his use of the word testicles or dropping the "F" bomb is what kept them from putting him on display right in front, but I was ever-so-pleased to have found him and the small, yet intimate group of readers there to meet him.

Danny spoke quietly so I walked to the front row in order to hear him as he read the laugh-out-loud scenes from his book that covered his conversation with his mom about priaprism and about his experience with his psychiatrist who fondled his shirt upon first meeting him.

I started reading his book the very next day at the beach. I couldn't put it down (I blame him and his compelling story for my sunburn) and I found myself both laughing and crying along with Danny as he shared his very personal account of being laid off (been there), dealing with depression (been there too), experiencing a miscarriage (been there as well) and dealing with his feelings of inadequacy as a new parent (yep, been there once again).

Despite the fact that this book is a humorous look at serious topics, the most touching and poignant passages from Danny's writing were the pages where he discussed his unconditional love for his wife, Sharon, who stood by him through his darkest times. He describes the way they embrace and how, mostly because of their relationship, and her faith in him, that he is able to survive his depression and come out on the other side, more aware, more enlightened and better able to enjoy his role as husband, dad and son to his parents.

"I'm more than a foot taller than Sharon...When we're hugging over something happy, she stands on a chair so she can squeeze my neck and I can kiss hers. When I'm feeling romantic (or reasonable variations thereof), I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her shoulders. When we're making up after an argument, Sharon sits on the couch, I get on my knees in front of her, and I dive in to bury my face in her neck."

"If my life could be measured with the same kind of line graph economists use to measure stock performance on Wall Street, there would be a huge spike at the moment I kissed Sharon's soft, sweet lips for the first time."

Danny writes from the heart. He writes with passion and full disclosure as he sorts through the emotions and experiences of truly finding himself after reaching the deep end. Readers will travel with him on this journey as he explores the depths of his despair and reaches new heights with his recovery and through the eyes of his children.

"The sight of two caring, special human beings - that I helped to create - displaying kindness and love to one another (without being asked) shattered the mold of what I thought I was, what I thought a Man was. Just as the case was with the onset of my depression a few years earlier, the feeling I had at that moment was unlike anything I'd encountered before. And just like depression, that vision rocked me to the core and forced me to take stock of what was happening around me. The one obvious difference between these two moments was that the former left me awash in numbness and confusion. The latter flooded me with a sense that perhaps my life was just beginning..."

Billie & The Parent Plan

I love reading books - every once in a while - to my son that are a little beyond his age range. Some people would say that it's not healthy to do so, but I find that talking about things that he doesn't know about or using words or ideas that are unfamiliar to him only provides us with starting points for some great discussions.

Billie and The Parent Plan is about a young girl who is upset with her mom for getting remarried. It turns out that her step-dad is old enough to be her grandfather and her 18-year-old step-sister is just another "adult" that Billie is not thrilled to all of a sudden be living with.

Her father was never around growing up and he wasn't discussed much in the book, but the entire premise of the book was about her having to get used to her new family and accepting these people into her home, which is something that many kids must deal with when (or if) their parents get remarried.

My son was not thrilled with this idea either. The thought of my getting married (someday) never crossed his mind and he was adamant about the fact that he was not OK with it. I wasn't going to argue with him or tell him that I was never going to get married but I have a feeling that talking about it now (as opposed to when - or if - that person comes along) will prepare him for it, if that day should ever come.

The book, by Ann Bryant, is a wonderful discussion-starter on bullying, peer pressure, and dealing with a new step-family. You can guarantee that if I ever do get remarried, my son will be so in love with the guy he'll either be our Best Man or he'll walk me down the aisle himself.

Check out more great books from Usborne and Kane Miller.

Book Review: Handle with Care

I bought Handle with Care several months ago, but for some reason, I got distracted (with other books) and didn't pick it up again until I got on the airplane last week. I brought it with me to my sister's house, thinking I might actually have time to read between hanging out with her and my parents and the three boys (my son and 2 nephews).

I finally was able to start reading it again in the jacuzzi bathtub that my parents finally invited me to use for the first time. They've lived in their place now for over four years and it took my son having a jacuzzi bath for them to offer me the same opportunity, but I digress.

The bulk of the book was read on the plane ride back home. My son is an amazing traveler, closing his eyes just after take off and opening them again two hours later, with enough time for me to complete the last half of this emotionally charged book by Jodi Picoult.



There's many controversial stories inside Picoult's novels, with heart-wrenching stories and endearing characters who are given their own voice in her books.

The many characters in this novel deal with disabilities, divorce, eating disorders, abortion and adoption. Jodi does a fabulous job, once again, covering the many sides to each story, giving every one of the characters a unique voice whom I believe all readers will be able to relate to on some level. She carries out this thought-provoking and heartbreaking story with an ending like no other. Actually, the ending wasn't really surprising to me, since it mimics the ending of another story of Picoult's. I won't say which one, but fans will have to let me know if you agree or disagree if or when you read this one.

Discussion questions for book clubs can be found on the official Jodi Picoult website, along with information, reviews and interviews.

My Sister's Keeper is out in theaters this week. I highly encourage you to read the book if you haven't already. It's one of my favorites.

Amazing Grace

The one complaint I have about Finding Grace, by Donna VanLiere, is that there wasn't an index highlighting the many brilliant minds mentioned throughout the book. Quoting authors, poets, philosophers, and even the Bible, VanLiere's literary education is quite impressive. The best quotes though, in my opinion, are from VanLiere herself:

"Sometimes we need to be reminded why we're here, that we are valued and loved, and at the end of the pain there are still deeper and higher dreams to discover."

"The mysterious yet wonderful attribute of grace is that it is never earned or deserved, and it will never be forced upon anyone - it can only be received."

VanLiere's memoir is at once heartbreaking and inspiring. Her story starts when, as a young girl growing up in Ohio, she is sexually abused. Through this experience and many others in her life, Donna manages to find grace with each new challenge she is faced with.

The author's search for herself never fails to amuse as she uses humor to sail through the difficulties presented to her.

"No matter what you're going through, you can be assured of advice from stupid people."

Reading this book brought me to many different places from my own childhood, growing up in the Midwest, learning - too early - about sexuality, and questioning what it means to trust.

I started reading this book in the morning one day and found myself returning to it again and again, finishing the last page close to midnight that same night. There is something so transforming about reading this book that I definitely recommend setting aside a full day to absorb the intensity of the emotional roller coaster found within.

Finding Grace is so much more than about sexual abuse, becoming a mother or adoption. It's about discovering the meaning of life and understanding its joys and disappointments. VanLiere's book is both disturbing and comforting, touching readers in a way that will have them looking inwards and realizing that grace can be found in every situation.

"We arrange our lives to alleviate disappointment, frustration, dissatisfaction, and pain, viewing them as enemies of our soul. But are they always bad? Can't disappointment and broken dreams actually be good if we listen to what our life is saying through them?"

Donna VanLiere is a bestselling author and speaker. She has published many novels, including The Christmas Hope series. She has won numerous awards and speaks at countless events for women and families.

She lives in Tenessee with her husband and three children.

GIVEAWAY: I'm pleased to announce that we have 3 copies of Finding Grace to give away! Simply post a comment about why you think this book might help you, or someone you know and I'll pick three winners on June 1st. Good luck!

Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War

In light of the interest First Lady Michelle Obama has generated with her recent visits to military bases around the country, many Americans are asking themselves what they can do to help local military families.

Alison Buckholtz is the wife of an active-duty Navy pilot who recently returned from a seven-month deployment in the Persian Gulf, and is now preparing for a twelve-month tour in Bagdad. Alison is author of Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War (Tarcher/Penguin), to help raise awareness about National Month of the Military Child.

She has also created the two-minute video “Homecoming Day” documenting the emotional reunions between military children and their parents: http://www.standingbybook.com/Homecoming.html.

“5 Things Anyone Can Do to Help a Military Family”

Help mow the lawn or shovel snow. Seasonal outdoor tasks that may typically have been done by the deployed servicemember are sometimes overwhelming to a spouse parenting alone.

Suggest starting a school carpool. If the military spouse has more than one child to bring to school in the morning, or has to get to work on time, a shared ride will be a welcome relief.

Offer to babysit. Spouses of deployed servicemembers desperately need time to themselves -- it doesn't have to be a special occasion!

Propose to be their emergency contact or general back-up. Often military families new in town don't have trusted friends who would fill this role, and spouses of deployed servicemembers often worry about what might happen to their child if they can't be reached.

Offer to play favorite games and activities with the children of the deployed servicemember. Boys and girls who might be used to playing sports or doing arts and crafts with their deployed parent miss their usual activities -- and though family friends can't take the place of a parent, these outings can be a welcome distraction.

Alison Buckholtz is the author of "Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War” (Penguin/Tarcher). She has written about her experiences raising a military family in The New York Times, Real Simple, Parents, and Salon.com.

More information: http://www.StandingByBook.com.

Become Your Own Matchmaker

The other night, I caught a marathon of the Millionaire Matchmaker, which is one of the best shows out there. Bravo hosts some great TV, from the Flippin' Out crew to the Real Housewives of NYC, Orange County and Atlanta, but Patti Stanger is my personal favorite. I couldn't wait to get to the bookstore today to pick up her new book, Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate, which she co-wrote with Lisa Johnson Mandell.

Without giving away too much of the book, I do want to share some great quotes that I pulled from Stanger. She's a very successful, beautiful and smart individual. Listen up!

“As soon as you say, ‘I’m not going to date for a while,’ the bus unloads. Don’t go out with them, but make sure you take reservations. Remember, the best restaurants are booked weeks in advance, why not you? You’re worth waiting for.”


“Think of yourself as a great wine – you’re only getting better and more valuable with age. When the right occasion comes along and that wine is uncorked, it will be the best, most delicious nectar the lucky partaker has ever experienced. But that will only happen if happiness is a major ingredient.”


“If you feel sexy, you’re more inclined to look sexy. Sexy is a confident, fun loving, happy, sensuous, approachable state of mind that no man can resist.”

“Don’t think of him as the prize for which you’re competing against hundreds of other women. YOU are the prize, and HE needs to please you just as much as you need to please him.”

Happy Dating!

Ditching Mr. Wrong

If you're a single woman looking for a lifelong partner, time is precious. If you want to have children, you have a biological deadline and a lot at stake in finding a suitable man. Even if you don't want kids, who wants to waste time on the journey toward a happy and lasting relationship? Yet too many smart women spend months or even years dating men who are clearly wrong for them.

Ditching Mr. Wrong: How to End a Bad Relationship and Find Mr. Right, a new book by Nicholas Aretakis, is for them. Based on interviews with hundreds of singles about relationships and the dating game, Ditching Mr. Wrong is a wake-up call for women who are ready to take a hard look at their relationships and get rid of boyfriends who will never be Mr. Right.

When you buy Ditching Mr. Wrong between March 25th and March 28th, 2009 from the link below, you will get it at a great discount and receive many gifts and bonuses with it, such as the chance to purchase Nicholas Aretakis's other book, No More Ramen: The 20-Something's Real World Survival Guide: Straight Talk on Jobs, Money, Balance, Life, and More, at half-price, exclusive excerpts and downloadable copies of books. Your purchase will automatically enter you into a drawing to win one of 11 books from renowned authors. Remember, this offer is good only for four days!

VIEW THE PAGE, BUY THE BOOK AND CLAIM YOUR GIFTS!

http://rebeccasreads.com/eParties/BookLaunchAretakisDitchingMrWrong.html

From the Rebeccas Reads review of Ditching Mr. Wrong, by Kam Aures:

"I really believe that "Ditching Mr. Wrong" would be a beneficial read to anyone who is having difficulty in finding "Mr. Right." Aretakis's book is fun to read, and the advice given is sound. The information is presented in a clear, straightforward manner, and I think that all single women out there will find very helpful in aiding their relationship decisions."

Interview with The Successful Single Mom

I had the pleasure with speaking to Honorée Capron about her latest book, The Successful Single Mom. Here are some of the highlights from the interview:

HipM0M: Honorée, thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me today. I recently discovered your book, The Successful Single Mom and I thought, I’m a successful single mom. The book appealed to me and I want all single moms to feel successful, too. Can you tell me how you came up with the idea for putting this book together?

SSM: Being a single mom is the toughest job. I don’t know if you’re a single mom…

HipM0M: I am!

SSM: Ok, so you know! It’s the hardest job times 500,000! ... I was watching the Oprah show last May and she had some people on, and they were kind of emulating the show, “Ten Years Younger,” and they were talking about how these women had kind of let themselves go and what was the impetus for letting themselves go. And the woman that they introduced - it was the third woman, I believe - she came out and she was introduced by Oprah’s staff as being a single mom. And Oprah says, “She focuses on bringing home the money and taking care of the children. Of course she is last on her list.” And I thought, well I’m a single mom and I’ve been a single mom for six years…I never let myself go and I then I said, wait a second. Yes I did. I went through a tough time.

And I wondered if there was a book about making it through being a single mom that could’ve helped me get through that tough time and helped me feel successful and so I Googled and Amazoned and I couldn’t really find anything that really fit that criteria for me that would’ve been a book that helped me through the process, so I decided to write the book...from a coaching standpoint, but also, I had the experience of being a single mom.

HipM0M: What seems to be the number one challenge for the single moms that you’ve worked with?

SSM: Trying to do it all themselves, not asking for help, not creating a support system.

HipM0M: I definitely agree. I see that quite often. Now, why do you think that is? Why do you think single moms feel intimidated, or whatever it may be, to ask for help.?What is it about our personalities or just being a Mom that makes us feel we have to do it all? I mean, have you found the answer to that?

SSM: I think so! I think that we already have a list (of things to do that is) really long and if someone came and asked us for something we would be fine with it. We are so used to saying, “Yes.” As women we’re going to say yes, right? Because we’re taught to say yes to everything. But we also know that asking for help from someone else would mean that they would be adding to their To-Do list so we’re hesitant to ask for something from others but we would be fine with others asking us. In my work with moms, I encourage them to ask for what they need, which is something I wrote about in my latest blog post, Help a Sister Out.

HipM0M: I see that besides the printed edition of The Successful Single Mom, you can also purchase an e-book and the 100-Day Transformation Program. Can you tell me about what that is?

SSM: I actually started with the 100-Day Program. At 19, I created a 100-Day Program for myself. It was basically 100 Days, 3 Goals, a vision for each of those 100 days and things that I wanted to work on.

I then started using it about 5 years ago, I figured out that… single moms don’t want a big 350-page book. 100 pages is plenty…a quick book with a lot of meat.

I decided to see if this program would work for other single moms so I actually picked other single moms and coached them all for a quarter and it worked. 100 days worked because it was long enough that they could build momentum, see the results … not so long that they felt like it was going on forever.

And we were able to actually see the results. On the last day we celebrated 100 Days and you could see the change in these women. The women actually looked different and were more positive and you could tell that their energy levels had increased.

HipM0M: How do you define success?

SSM: If the bills are paid, I have $5 leftover for a pizza, my child is happy, she sees a happy mom, if my husband is happy…It’s not about the things. I can have all the pretty shoes I want, but if I’m arguing with my husband or my daughter is not happy, I don’t feel successful.

HipM0M: You were a single mom for several years but recently remarried. Congratulations!

SSM: Thank you! I was single and celibate for three years! During that time, I focused on myself. My number one relationship was with myself and I was really protective of my time. But when I was finally ready to date, I knew that as I became more attractive to myself, I became more attractive to other people.

HipM0M: Single moms are often concerned about the right time and exactly how to introduce their significant other into their children’s lives. Can you share what worked for you, or what didn’t work for you?

SSM: I work with a lot of clients and have several friends so my daughter is used to meeting new people. On the second date I had with my current husband, we went back to my house to leso that my babysitter go home. Our first date was about 8 hours. This second date was about six so we had gotten to know each other pretty well by this time.

I introduced him to my daughter and they got to spend time together for about 15 minutes, very briefly but as I was tucking her in that night she said, "I hope he stays your friend.” Kids have that instinctive part of them that really allows them to tune into people, so I really wanted to see her first impression was of him and how he'd be around her.

The bottom line is, don’t introduce someone until you know they’re going to stick. And when you know – you just know!

HipM0M: Are you working on any projects right now?

SSM: Yes, in fact, you’re the first one to know – this is Breaking News: I’m working with a co-author on a cookbook – The Successful Single Mom Cooks! It’s going to be a recipe book filled with great menu ideas that from start to finish will be on your table in 20 minutes.

HipM0M: This is great news, since I know I never want to eat the same things, or at the same time as my son. It’s challenging!

SSM: Right! No more franks and beans or the same old thing each night.

HipM0M: I look forward to that and to letting my readers know about your book, The Successful Single Mom. Is there anything else you want to share?

SSM: I have a group page on Facebook so that single moms can connect with one another. I also just want to acknowledge single moms. If this book appeals to you, it’s because you’re already an amazing mom and you want to be able to continue to be successful. You should give yourself a pat on the back!

If you take care of yourself, you will be successful. I know that the happier I am, the happier my daughter is. If we can model this for our kids then they will be inspired and feel successful.

If you're a single mom, you are are success so raise your glass to you, and the other single moms who continue to inspire us all to be our best, take care of ourselves and support others on similar journeys.

Read more reviews for The Successful Single Mom:

Get Your Life Back and Your Game On!

Chicago Single Mom Examiner

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I remember adults asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up and having no idea how to answer that question. I've only recently discovered what I truly want to do that would be fulfilling, provide me with a stable income and allow me to have the flexibility that I desire.

Young women have limitless options when it comes to the type of career they want but it certainly isn't easy to figure out as a teen or young adult what job would suit them best.

In Their Shoes is a wonderful resource put together by Deborah Reber that just might help young women narrow down their career choices. Interviewing women in different professions, from a forensic scientist to librarian, firefighter to architect and over a dozen more, Reber highlights successful women and what it took for them to get to where they are today.

Senator Barbara Boxer and actress Maura Tierney are two recognizable names - and faces - included in this collection of careers that young women will understand more clearly after reading through this book.

In the back of the book is a Career Chooser checklist to help readers determine which jobs fall into categories that they might find appealing, such as jobs involving travel to interesting places, careers that provide opportunities to attend hip parties or that allow you to work from home.

I wish I had this book when I was in high school, trying to figure it all out. With this book and the information provided, young women can select a career path that they will be confident and eager to dive into when the time comes.

It's a Boy!

Because I was a tomboy and have always felt comfortable around males (I had two male roommates during my last year of college), when I found out, five and a half years ago, that I was pregnant with a baby boy, I was very excited. I also looked forward to having my own father involved in his life, more so - I imagined - than he was during my childhood.

Growing up with a sister always made me that much more interested and curious about males since they were a little foreign to me. I was jealous of my friends who had brothers, either younger or older than us. But, for some reason, when it came time to thinking about raising my son on my own (when his father and I separated), I thought that it would be no problem. I thought, from my feminist point of view, that boys and girls were pretty much the same. They - all children - need love, attention and discipline in order to thrive and survive.

As my son got older, started talking and becoming more active and aggressive, I realized, for the first time probably, just how different boys and girls truly are. Yes, we are all still equals, but to ignore the differences between men and women would do us all a disservice.

I picked up a copy of Dr. Michael Thompson's book, It's a Boy! to figure out ways to enhance my son's self-esteem as he gets older and continues to develop. Since my son recently turned five, I grabbed the book off the shelf once again to read the chapters devoted to boys his age, boys who are getting ready to start school and who continue to become more masculine as they develop and become the "little men" that they are designed to be.

One of the concerns we hear about in the media, regarding boys especially, is their risk for developing and being diagnosed with ADD. It's often difficult to gain our son's attention or have them focus on tasks or assignments in school. As parents, Dr. Thompson claims that there are four things we can do to help children gain good attentional abilities:

1. Turn off the screen (TV or computer)
   
2. Provide a quiet play space where you are nearby
3. Play games with your son (regularly but not constantly)
4. Protect that precious time by not scheduling him into too many after-school activities
   

Another important element to nurturing a young boy's self-esteem is to provide him with opportunities to explore the arts, whether it be music, drawing, clay or woodwork. As Dr. Thompson has seen in over thirty years of working with young boys, "experience in the arts allows a boy to feel a sense of satisfaction that he cannot experience in any other realm of his life. And it allows him insight into himself that he cannot obtain in any other way." He can look at the final result and say to himself, "This is mine. I made it. It represents me."

Many parents that I work with often have difficulties or challenges with communicating or dealing with their sons (more often than with their daughters). I am able to offer them some insight based on my own experiences, along with great advice that Dr. Thompson outlines in this book.

Some fathers often become frustrated with their sons because they feel as though they do not want to spend time with them. Around the age of twelve, young boys really need their fathers and will look to them as role models and companions, someone whom they will strive to be just like as they get older.

Moms raising boys on their own wonder what they can do to help their young boys feel capable and confident. Since boys like to feel needed and useful, simply asking for their help , beginning at an early age, will help. Thompson refers to author Thomas Lickona who says there are three things that will help a boy build strong character: habits of the heart (their desire to want to help), habits of the mind (recognizing situations where help is needed), and habits of practice (following through and providing help). Providing opportunities for your son to help out is vital and as they get older, their responsibilities may shift from having them help you in the kitchen to helping with a major task that requires a bit more "elbow grease."

Another question that comes up when working with single mothers is communication about their child's father, who are not be involved in their lives. Thompson states that it's important for moms to mention their father whenever her son does something that reminds her of him. "He needs to hear that he came from a living, breathing man and that that is a good thing in your eyes."

What else can a father do to help guide a young boy struggling to become more independent? Thompson lists several things that both mom and dad can do:

• Listen and ask questions
• Don't look over your son's shoulder at every move he makes
• Draw the line between being an advocate and being an enabler
• Be generous with praise, honest and vocal about your love and firm with discipline
• Focus on his gifts and talents
• Let your son grow
• Don't make excuses for your son
• Model responsible communication for solving problems
• Set limits and stick to them
• Never say, "My son would never do that."
• Create realistic expectations by letting your son fail in order to allow him to figure out how to succeed on his own.
  

Finally, one of the most important issues that Thompson addresses is how to help your son celebrate the milestone of finally becoming a man. Since society doesn't honor any specific rituals for when a boy truly steps into manhood, parents can create opportunities for their adolescent son to have their own rite of initiation, perhaps something outdoors, where there is the chance for them to experience both commitment and courage, sharing a sense of mission with other young men his age.

Many examples and stories are gathered in this insightful and resourceful guide from Thompson's experience working with boys and men for the majority of his career. As a parent, educator or someone trying to understand their own development, this is a wonderful book to have during any stage of a young man's life as well as a great gift for those wanting a deeper and stronger connection with the male child.

The Gift of Fatherhood

Parenting is certainly not easy. And even though I can't even possibly know what it's like to be a father, I can tell you, based on personal experience with my dad and the father of my son, that fatherhood presents unique challenges that are different than those that mothers deal with.

Aaron Hass, PhD, puts it all together in his book, Gift of Fatherhood. In his work with families that spans over twenty years, Dr. Hass has acquired a great understanding of the issues men face when becoming fathers.

Twelve Reasons Why You Might Not Want to Spend More Time with Your Children:

1. Parenting is difficult
2. You wait too long before becoming involved
3. You made an attempt to engage your child and you were rebuffed
4. You see your child as a burden rather than a joy
5. Your children seem to have arrived from another planet
6. You feel more comfortable with your son than your daughter
7. The temperaments of you and your child don't seem to fit
8. You have a very difficult child
9. You feel financial pressures
10. You believe parenting is your wife's responsibility
11. Your children prefer to be with their mother
12. You avoid being with your child to avoid marital conflict

Why You Should Want to Spend More Time with Your Children:

1. You will understand their abilities better
2. You will enhance your child's self-esteem
3. You may be able to forestall childhood problems
4. You will have more influence on them
5. It will enhance your self-esteem
6. Because of your epitaph
7. You can do it right
8. Your child presents you with an opportunity to grow

While I happen to think that some of these issues are a bit out-of-date (do some men still think parenting responsibilities lie with the mother?), I again have to wonder if perhaps they are issues that men deal with. I'm hoping that the fathers reading this can offer some feedback and let moms know what it is that may cause you to seek time away from your children and what it is that motivates you to spend more time with them than your father may have spent with you.

Threesome

Adding a child to a relationship definitely changes the dynamics of a partnership and will usually make things more stressful. People do it every day, though, so there's gotta be something said for creating families and making the beautiful babies that make the world go around. How do couples survive the tumultuous times ahead of them? What can they do to make things easier on their marriage and friendship?

I work with couples all the time who speak of marital issues that stem from their disagreements on parenting and problems that didn't occur before children. There are several books I recommend to parents looking for ways to get their relationship back on track and be the happy, loving couple they once were.

Oftentimes, parents don't take the time to focus on their relationship. They're busy disciplining their children, paying bills, cleaning house, and putting their children before their marriage. While I don't tell couples to neglect their kids or set aside their responsibilities, I do encourage them to make time to go out on a date once a week with their partner. Whether it's a walk through the neighborhood, or dinner and a movie, focusing on your relationship - and not talking about the kids - is a positive thing for the entire family.

With Valentine's Day coming up, I hope that you and your spouse are taking time to do something special alone, without the kids.

Long-Distance Love

Illustrator Valeri Gorbachev is an amazing artist and she teams up with author Sandra Horning in The Giant Hug, a wonderful book about sharing love and spreading joy.

In this adorable picture book, little Owen wants to send his Grandma a hug even though she lives far away. He comes up with a great plan that requires the participation of many people in the community, sending a hug to his Grandma in a unique and inspiring way.

Readers will be able to recognize the power of love in this story. It makes a great gift for far away grandparents and a wonderful book to read with your child when a hug is needed.

Check out more great children's books for Valentine's Day (or any day).

Love Stories

John Gray, PhD, is known for his series of books focusing on the differences between men and women and how to use this knowledge to strengthen relationships.

In Mars and Venus in Love, Gray shares the stories of couples he has worked with over the years and asks them to explain what types of problems they've had in their relationships and what works for them as far as communication and expressing love is concerned.

It's essentially a book of love stories - a collection of true-life tales that will show you something about your own love story that may have eluded you for a long time. A few insights, techniques, and changes in habits of mind and body nourish love and make it grow, and like little one-act plays these stories show you how. Mars and Venus in Love gives you the opportunity to see yourself in the stories of others and to recognize your own communication and behavior patterns in the circumstances they describe. It shows you, in many different ways,that:

• Problems in love are normal
• There's nothing wrong with you if you have difficulties in your relationships
• Almost everyone who tries to love has problems getting it right
• Even when people are deeply in love their relationships won't work if they don't recognize certain truths about men and women
• Men and women are different
• The key to falling and staying in love is to recognize and embrace those differences.

Offering you creative ideas for solving problems in your relationships and opening up new avenues for communication, Mars and Venus in Love is an invaluable resource and a perfect companion to Gray's previous books.

For ways to enhance the passion and romance in your life, check out Mars and Venus in the Bedroom.

Questions You'd Never Ask Your Parents

Having an open and trusting relationship with our children is a goal that most parents have, but let's be honest. No matter how open and respectful our relationship, there are many subjects that are a little embarrassing for both kids and parents.

I remember my mom telling me (over and over) how I could talk to her about anything and oftentimes I found myself (and still do) sharing too much information. But the fact remains that there were certain questions I had or things I wanted to know about that I just could never bring up with her.

Elisabeth Henderson and Nancy Armstrong put together an amazing book that I plan on purchasing for my son and slipping under his door someday. 100 Questions You'd Never Ask Your Parents answers many questions in thoughtful, simple ways for those curious and developing teens and tweens.

Providing your child with a safe environment to ask questions is a wonderful thing, but for those kids who just can't seem to say some of these things out loud, this book is a must-have. I even suggest that parents buy this book before their children are ready for these topics so that they can come up with ways to answer their children's questions if and when they are asked.

Loving Rituals

With Valentine's Day about a week away, I thought the following book would be a great one to share with parents who are looking for fun ways to let their little ones know exactly how much they are loved.

I Love You Rituals includes over seventy different rhymes and games that provide a message of unconditional love and can also enhance children's social, emotional, and school success. Winner of a 1999 Parent's Guide Children's Media Award, these positive nursery rhymes, interactive finger plays, soothing games, and physical activities can be played with children from infancy through age eight. In only minutes a day, these powerful rituals:

• Prime a child's brain for learning
• Help children cope with change
• Enhance attention, cooperation, and self-esteem
• Help busy families stay close
• Affirm the parent-child bond that insulates children from violence, peer pressure, and drugs, and much more.

Easy to learn and especially effective in stressful situations, I Love You Rituals gives parents, grandparents, caregivers, and teachers inspiring tools to help children thrive.

Are you a PCU?

Find out if you're a PCU and learn how to avoid other mistakes that great parents tend to make with the New York Times Bestseller, The 7 Worst Things (good) Parents Do by John and Linda Friel.

Like many parenting books, I've read, this one provides great suggestions that I wish I had discovered earlier. While focusing on what doesn't work for parents and kids, the authors of this book provide ways to change the habits and behaviors that parents are used to and turn them around for a more rewarding experience.

Here's a note from the authors that might help you better understand why they created this book:

Raising children is by far the most rewarding and daunting experience any human being can have. We say this from our own experience as well as that of the many people with whom we have worked. Raising children tremendously strains a couple's emotional, financial, intellectual, spiritual and physical resources. Not surprisingly, research on marital happiness shows that couples are most satisfied with their marriages before the first child is born and after the last child leaves home. We therefore greatly respect those who currently engage in the daily tasks of leading their offspring from infancy into the independent adulthood that is the ultimate goal of parenting.

Parents who search for books of wisdom on child-rearing will discover a bewildering, nearly infinite array of titles on the subject, which suggests that we are more confused and concerned about how to raise our children than almost anything else in the universe. Despite their confusion and lack of confidence, the majority of parents care about what happens to their children: And this is good.

As we are catapulted into the twenty-first century, along with our laptop computers, internet connections, cellular phones, fares, pagers, digital video disc players, five hundred channels of cable television, and the ever-present CNN news instantaneously informing us of major happenings around our tiny planet, it is incredibly important that people continue to care about the basics of life. Which brings us to the origins and purpose of this little book.

We have been psychologists for a long time and are continually grateful for the work that we are able to do. Some people are grateful for their artistic talents, some for their business acumen and some for their scientific wisdom. We are grateful for the daily opportunities we have to work with people who choose to struggle. We do nor find it boring. We do not go home at night feeling drained and empty. And contrary to what you might already be thinking about us based on the title of this book, we by no means believe that we have all the "right" answers for people. But we do have many years of experience helping people work through their problems, and as a result, we have formulated some fairly clear opinions about what works and what doesn't, for many people. We have also been around this field long enough to know that the instant anyone suggests a universal rule for child-rearing, an exception will appear somewhere, giving us all cause for great humility. On the one hand, life is much too awesome, mysterious and complex to be reduced to a simple formula. On the other hand, without principles and guidelines for living, we become little more than wild animals prowling the earth in search of our next meal, ready to kill anyone who gets in the way of our quest. This is one of the paradoxes of living--too many rules and guidelines squeeze the life right out of us, while too few result in life threatening chaos.

With the above considerations in mind, we set out with the limited goal of sharing with you seven of the most important parenting considerations that we have identified over the years. The list is by no means conclusive. And we are well aware that some of these items will not apply to you; for some people, none of them will apply. As with the other books we have written, all we ask is that you give this material a chance-grapple with a particular concept a little bit rather than reject it out of hand. While we don't claim to have all the right answers, you may just find that some of the pain you experience as a parent is at least partly caused by one of these seven parenting errors.

Check it out. You'll be glad you did!

What I Love About You

You can't go wrong this Valentine's Day if you pick up a copy of Kate & David Marshall's What I Love About You for your special someone.

The fill-in-the-blank book will have you and your partner focusing on your relationship and what it means to love unconditionally.

This book prompts you to say what is in your heart, but may not always be at the tip of your tongue. Tell the most important person in your life just how much they mean to you by completing the scores of unique, evocative checklists, short answers, and phrases in this attractive gift book:

If we'd first met in a comic strip, the thought bubble over my head would have said...

I adore this little daily ritual or habit we have...

One of your most irresistible physical features is...

I missed you when...

Playful, tender, and personal, this is the perfect gift for the person in your life who makes your pulse race.

Couple this with How to Love Me, by Ali Davis, for more wonderful ways to communicate with your loved one and learn to express your innermost thoughts and desires to strengthen your bond.

Parking Lot Rules

If you ever read Robert Fulgum's All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kinderarten, then you'll understand what I mean when I say that Tom Sturges' Parking Lot Rules is this decade's version of Fulgham's go-to-guide for parents.

Here are some examples of Sturge's words of wisdom:

• EVERYDAY: Let your children feel welcome and loved from the first moment he or she walks into a room. “Smile When You See Him” (rule #4) and leave no doubt that, at that moment, your child is the most important person in your world.

• COMMUNICATING: Since yelling parents intimidate, and a calm tone inspires, “When You Get Upset, Whisper” (rule #22) –and make sure your message is heard.

• MANNERS MATTERS: Follow “The Bill Walton Rule,” (rule #34) and if you can’t be on time, be early.

• NO LOST CHILDREN: When a family or group travels together, obey “The Caboose Rule” (rule #43) by assigning an adult or older child to keep up the rear–and ensure that no little ones lag behind.

• DISCIPLINES AND PUNISHMENTS: “The 10-Second Rule” (rule #49) prescribes the minimum amount of time you should wait before thinking about punishing your child for that D in English.

• PAIN HAPPENS, NOW WHAT?: After your child experiences a little cut, bump, or scrape, say “Squeeze My Hand as Much as It Hurts” (rule #62); it is remarkable how their being able to “show” you will help to ease his or her pain.

• PLAY SPORTS, PERIOD: When your children accomplish something great in their sports, using “The ESPN Rule,” (rule #67) tell the story in intimate detail and fill them with the belief that they can do it again and again.

Written in quick chapters with amazing stories that will inspire you and change the way you view communication and child-rearing, Parking Lot Rules is a must-have for new parents and those seeking ways to make life easier.