Friday, August 14, 2009

Missing Out

My son's first tooth fell out last Friday at school. His dad picked him up for the weekend and even though they told me right away my heart sank from not being able to be there and hug him and see his face when he got to share the news. He did call me and I heard the excitement in his voice so it did sort of make up for the fact that I wasn't there to also see his face the next morning when he discovered the quarter under his pillow that the Tooth Fairy left in exchange for his tooth.

Imagine my surprise when this week, his second tooth fell out at school once again. And again on a day that he would be spending the night at his dad's.

They say that going through a divorce is much like dealing with death. There's a grieving process involved and even though time heals and you are able to start seeing the positive aspects of life from your new point of view, there are still times when those raw feelings come up and bring you down.

Parents who raise their children in two homes go through this process over and over again, from having to deal with the times when they're not there for their child (nightmares, milestones, first experiences), it's an emotion that is hard to talk about, difficult to express and at times feels selfish to even acknowledge. After all, is my son missing out on anything or is it just me who's feeling left out?

His father and I share moments like this with one another because we know how important it is for all of us. We have our son call the other parent to share his excitement when things occur that we'd want to be a part of ourselves were the roles reversed, but at what point does it stop hurting? At what point do I start being excited for my son and not feel sorry about not being there? Please tell me it gets easier...


trobinson40 said...

I sure hope it gets easier I too am a single mom (recently divorced) its harder than I could have ever imagine, my heart breaks a little each time there away not to mention missing milestone.I dont know if it gets easier or maybe we learn to deal better.
Stay strong

Single Mom Survives said...

Hammer meet head - you nailed it. You are definitely not alone in these feelings!! I don't take comfort in your pain but I do take comfort when I read others going through the same thing. It's a brutal club that we are members of.

Anonymous said...

Missing kids' events is the worst. I travel for work, so I started using Readeo in order to 'be there' for the bed-time stories without really being there.
its video-conferencing centered around a good children's eBook. You can read outloud, face to face and turn the pages together.