Amazing Grace

The one complaint I have about Finding Grace, by Donna VanLiere, is that there wasn't an index highlighting the many brilliant minds mentioned throughout the book. Quoting authors, poets, philosophers, and even the Bible, VanLiere's literary education is quite impressive. The best quotes though, in my opinion, are from VanLiere herself:

"Sometimes we need to be reminded why we're here, that we are valued and loved, and at the end of the pain there are still deeper and higher dreams to discover."

"The mysterious yet wonderful attribute of grace is that it is never earned or deserved, and it will never be forced upon anyone - it can only be received."

VanLiere's memoir is at once heartbreaking and inspiring. Her story starts when, as a young girl growing up in Ohio, she is sexually abused. Through this experience and many others in her life, Donna manages to find grace with each new challenge she is faced with.

The author's search for herself never fails to amuse as she uses humor to sail through the difficulties presented to her.

"No matter what you're going through, you can be assured of advice from stupid people."

Reading this book brought me to many different places from my own childhood, growing up in the Midwest, learning - too early - about sexuality, and questioning what it means to trust.

I started reading this book in the morning one day and found myself returning to it again and again, finishing the last page close to midnight that same night. There is something so transforming about reading this book that I definitely recommend setting aside a full day to absorb the intensity of the emotional roller coaster found within.

Finding Grace is so much more than about sexual abuse, becoming a mother or adoption. It's about discovering the meaning of life and understanding its joys and disappointments. VanLiere's book is both disturbing and comforting, touching readers in a way that will have them looking inwards and realizing that grace can be found in every situation.

"We arrange our lives to alleviate disappointment, frustration, dissatisfaction, and pain, viewing them as enemies of our soul. But are they always bad? Can't disappointment and broken dreams actually be good if we listen to what our life is saying through them?"

Donna VanLiere is a bestselling author and speaker. She has published many novels, including The Christmas Hope series. She has won numerous awards and speaks at countless events for women and families.

She lives in Tenessee with her husband and three children.

GIVEAWAY: I'm pleased to announce that we have 3 copies of Finding Grace to give away! Simply post a comment about why you think this book might help you, or someone you know and I'll pick three winners on June 1st. Good luck!

Caught in the Act

I taught a class on sex last weekend and shared some rather intimate details about my sexual history. I believe that in order for parents to be comfortable talking to their children about sex in a healthy manner, they too need to feel comfortable talking about their own sexual history and experiences.

I still remember the day that I explained to my mom that touching myself (down there) felt good. I thought I was the first person ever to discover this. I was only five years old at the time. She turned white and immediately reacted by protecting me in every way possible since she had assumed that I had been sexually abused.

She assumed correctly, of course, although I'm not quite sure if that experience could've been classified as abuse, since the person who had "taught" me about sex was someone whom, I choose to believe, had not had a healthy introduction to sex himself (he was a friend's older sister's boyfriend).

As you can tell from reading this post, and many others found on this blog, I have never had a problem talking about my sex life, although I don't startle random people with too much information on a regular basis.

My son discovered my vibrator last night (and my stash of condoms) while I was preparing for my date. I had, up until this point, kept these things in a fireproof safe that is always locked. Even though the safe is kept at a low level in my room (under my nightstand next to my bed) I had no idea that my son would ever be smart enough to find the keys, let alone figure out what they were for.

As I'm doing my hair, I hear my son say, "Mom, what are these?" Immediately, I knew what he was referring to and I quickly removed the items from the safe before answering his question, or had a chance to pick up anything from inside. I simply told him that the things in there were not for children and I put them away, out of his reach. I made sure that he wasn't able to see where I put them but wondered when the right time would be to actually explain what these "secret" items really are.

Since he's nearly five, I too, want to protect him in whatever way possible, especially when it comes to protecting his innocence. I know there will come a time when I will have to talk to him about masturbation and sexual pleasure. For now, I want him continue to be a child, playing and learning as a five-year-old should be doing while I continue to keep my adult toys a secret.

Both of these stories came to mind when I discovered the Masturbation Tips on the Women's Health website. I have come a long way since the days when I thought that masturbation was an experience that was not to be talked about, let alone an activity that a young woman participated in.

I've grown to appreciate my body more and more over the years and I love discovering the ways that I can please others and show others how to please me. Being sexual is a normal and healthy part of being an adult. I have also come to have my favorite techniques when it comes to pleasuring myself, just as others do and I'm the first to tell people that the most intesne orgasms are the ones I give myself but if there's anything I've learned in my twenty+ years as a sexual person, it's that you can't expect someone else to be able to pleasure you if you are unable to pleasure yourself.

If you are looking for ways to heal from sexual abuse, I urge you to join a support group, find a therapist that specializes in sex abuse or share your thoughts anonymously in an online forum. There are many people who share these same experiences, unfortunately, and many others who are available to help you heal.