Monday, September 29, 2008

Caught in the Act

I taught a class on sex last weekend and shared some rather intimate details about my sexual history. I believe that in order for parents to be comfortable talking to their children about sex in a healthy manner, they too need to feel comfortable talking about their own sexual history and experiences.

I still remember the day that I explained to my mom that touching myself (down there) felt good. I thought I was the first person ever to discover this. I was only five years old at the time. She turned white and immediately reacted by protecting me in every way possible since she had assumed that I had been sexually abused.

She assumed correctly, of course, although I'm not quite sure if that experience could've been classified as abuse, since the person who had "taught" me about sex was someone whom, I choose to believe, had not had a healthy introduction to sex himself (he was a friend's older sister's boyfriend).

As you can tell from reading this post, and many others found on this blog, I have never had a problem talking about my sex life, although I don't startle random people with too much information on a regular basis.

My son discovered my vibrator last night (and my stash of condoms) while I was preparing for my date. I had, up until this point, kept these things in a fireproof safe that is always locked. Even though the safe is kept at a low level in my room (under my nightstand next to my bed) I had no idea that my son would ever be smart enough to find the keys, let alone figure out what they were for.

As I'm doing my hair, I hear my son say, "Mom, what are these?" Immediately, I knew what he was referring to and I quickly removed the items from the safe before answering his question, or had a chance to pick up anything from inside. I simply told him that the things in there were not for children and I put them away, out of his reach. I made sure that he wasn't able to see where I put them but wondered when the right time would be to actually explain what these "secret" items really are.

Since he's nearly five, I too, want to protect him in whatever way possible, especially when it comes to protecting his innocence. I know there will come a time when I will have to talk to him about masturbation and sexual pleasure. For now, I want him continue to be a child, playing and learning as a five-year-old should be doing while I continue to keep my adult toys a secret.

Both of these stories came to mind when I discovered the Masturbation Tips on the Women's Health website. I have come a long way since the days when I thought that masturbation was an experience that was not to be talked about, let alone an activity that a young woman participated in.

I've grown to appreciate my body more and more over the years and I love discovering the ways that I can please others and show others how to please me. Being sexual is a normal and healthy part of being an adult. I have also come to have my favorite techniques when it comes to pleasuring myself, just as others do and I'm the first to tell people that the most intesne orgasms are the ones I give myself but if there's anything I've learned in my twenty+ years as a sexual person, it's that you can't expect someone else to be able to pleasure you if you are unable to pleasure yourself.

If you are looking for ways to heal from sexual abuse, I urge you to join a support group, find a therapist that specializes in sex abuse or share your thoughts anonymously in an online forum. There are many people who share these same experiences, unfortunately, and many others who are available to help you heal.

1 comment:

Jared said...

I think that some people put a bad spin on sexuality to their children. I don't think it is something to be ashamed of. It is something to be open and honest about...just not when you are 5. :D Very good post!