11 Step Program for Parents-to-Be

I have been discovering many great Moms who Twitter since joining this amazing group of women a few weeks back. Just yesterday, I found this hilarious post from Real Tech Mom and just had to share. Check out her blog and the 11 Step Program for to Complete Before Having Kids.

For many of us, we've found out - through hands on learning - what it truly is like to be a parent. As funny - and true - as this list is, I don't think anyone is ever really prepared for the changes and challenges that becoming a parent brings.

I teach one hour parenting workshops and a 15-hour course on Redirecting Children's Behavior and am amazed at all of the new and expecting parents who are eager to gain some tools and techniques to use with their children when the time comes.

Classes are scheduled in La Mesa at Java Mama and I'm pleased to announce that there will be additional workshops held in North County as well, at the Babies in Bloom boutique on the border of Oceanside and Vista.

Check out the class schedule or calendar of events for more information. I am also able to cater courses and workshops for your mom's group, PTA or at your place of employment. Contact me to set up a customized program that fits your needs and schedule.

How to Talk to Your Children about Sex

Yesterday, I taught my first parenting workshop on Talking about Sex with Children and Teens. I think, for the most part, the audience was pleased since they had many questions and I was able to answer them all. Actually, I take that back. Several of those who attended the workshop ended up answering a few questions so I feel as though I should've taken a bit more control as far as keeping to the course outline.

Unfortunately, I did run out of time and wasn't able to cover everything I had hoped to. I do have copies of the course outline, the stats on STDs and teen pregnancy and of course, the questionnaire that many of those who attended were interested in receiving. 

The conference itself was amazing. Keynote speaker Max Simon reminded me a bit of my son and I could actually see glimpses of my four-year-old years into the future, having the same sense of himself and the world. It was great to see this successful and responsible young man sharing his childhood memories with us and what he learned growing up with parents who used the Redirecting Children's Behavior model of parenting in their homes.

Susie Walton, founder of Indigo Village and the person behind this first of its kind conference brought me to tears when she spoke about her vision for this event and of course, the Village itself which she opened a few years ago.

The rooms were filled with parents of all ages, with children and grandchildren of varying backgrounds. What was so inspiring, was that each and every one of us - whether presenting or attending - were there for the same reason: to bring peace into our homes, our hearts, our relationships, and our lives.

If you are looking to reduce the stress in your home or are anxious to create a more loving and balanced relationship with your children, spouse or parents, please seek out a Certified Parent Educator in your area. There's hundreds of us waiting to meet you.

Invest in Your Community!

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting offers unique parenting workshops based on the Redirecting Children's Behavior program.

Your support makes it possible for us to work with families of all income levels.

Invest in your community today! Begin by checking out this logo gear that comes in variety of styles and sizes.

My personal favorites are the Messenger/Diaper Bag, the License Plate Frame, Bumper Sticker, and of course, the Ceramic Travel Mug.

When Did This Turn Into a Sex Blog?

Perhaps from the lack of sex I'm actually having, I've turned to reading about sex and discussing it here on my blog.

Oh well. I'm getting satisfaction and pleasure from my writing (not in that way), so I feel the need to continue but will try not to overdo the sex talk.

Speaking of sex talk, people all over the world are talking about sex and education, and teens, thanks to the recent announcement about Sarah Palin's new status as grandmother-to-be. That's right, I'm focusing instead on her role in the family matter rather than her daughter's. I have my opinions on the situation, but who am I to talk? Enough people are doing that already.

I do, however, feel the need to remind everyone, no matter what our political or religious views, about how important it is to talk to our children - from a young age - about sex and providing them with opportunities to discuss questions they have. I can't stress enough to my young son how I want him to be able to talk to me about anything. Even at his young age, I'm trying to open the doors of communication between us so that when the time comes for those difficult, if not awkward conversations, it'll be less likely to be an embarrassing discussion (for either of us).

Clearly, if you read this blog, I'm open to talking about my views on, well, pretty much everything, so there's probably less likelihood that my son will impregnate a young girl before they turn 18, right? WRONG. Just because I am open to discussing issues about sex, contraception, birth control, abstinence and giving him all of the information necessary to make his own decisions, they will in fact be his own decisions and regardless of how safe and smart young people are, life happens.

Alright, I said I wasn't going to share my thoughts on the whole matter, and I haven't, really. Have I?

By the way, for those living in the San Diego area, I'm teaching a parenting workshop in just a few weeks on this very topic: Speaking to Young People about Sex. It's not easy for everyone to be as open as I am about these sorts of things, especially with children. I'm hoping that the course will help parents understand their sexual values and focus a bit more on what types of information they want to share with their children before their child comes to them with questions.

Do you talk to your children about pregnancy and protecting themselves from STDs?

It Takes a (San Diego) Village

Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB) of San Diego is proud to present

The First Annual "IT TAKES A VILLAGE" Conference

A 1-day convention for parents, teachers, coaches, grandparents, caregivers,
and anyone who interacts with children.

September 20, 2008
9:00 am - 5:00 pm

University of San Diego
Kroc Institute for Peace and Justice
5998 Alcala Park
San Diego, CA 92110

Over a dozen parenting workshops will be held throughout this one-day event. Here are just a sample of courses offered:

• Consequences that Work
  
• Effective Parent-Child Communication
  
• Enjoying the Teen Years
  
• Flower Essence Therapy
  
• Power Struggles in the Classroom
  
• Handling Sibling Rivalry
  
• Kids and Money, Abundance and Scarcity
  
• Let’s Talk about Sex..the Birds and the Bees (Please help me prepare for this workshop by filling out this questionnaire!)
• New Tools and Techniques in Place of Praise
  
• Redirecting for a Cooperative Classroom
  
• Redirecting for the Single Parent
  
• Couple's Communication
  
• Strategies for Parents in High-conflict Divorce
  
• Welcome to the Wonderful World of Sports
  
• Balancing Love with Discipline (English & Spanish)
  
• No I Won’t & You Can’t Make Me! (English & Spanish)
  

Keynote Speaker, Max Simon will join over a dozen Certified Parent Educators* from the San Diego RCB team to inspire peace!

Max Simon, a new school leader of consciousness, has toured the country with Deepak Chopra M.D. and his father, Dr. David Simon, teaching meditation and yoga to thousands of people.

Also presenting will be Emcee, Jeff Detrow from Star 94.1 (the Jeff‐N‐Jer Radio Show) and Susie Walton, founder of Indigo Village and recipient of the San Diego Parent Educator of the Year award. Susie will be presenting a special message about Indigo Children.

Register before September 13th for your early-bird discount!

*Educators are certified through the International Network for Children and Families (INCAF).

Peace Begins in the Home

I taught a class last night on Temperament. Actually, no one showed up so I didn't actually teach but the course was scheduled and I was there.

At Java Mama, where the class was to be held, a mom asked me what I was teaching. She commented that she should take the course when her daughter was older. "She's only fifteen months," was her response.

I gave her my card and mentioned that the class was appropriate for parents with children her daughter's age. What's interesting about her comment was that I have a feeling that most other parents feel the same way.

Waiting until your child is older sounds like a reasonable statement to make but when you're talking about days that go by so quickly, parents don't realize that they need additional support until it's much too late and they're stressed, frustrated and no longer enjoying the time they have with their little ones.

Now, with all due respect, I have a feeling that the woman I met was very well educated and will most likely head to my website, perhaps even read this post and follow up with me in regards to learning more about the services I provide.

I know nothing about the parents I meet, other than those I'm friends with or whose children are friends with my son. I judge no one and, because of my experience, I can honestly say that parenting is no easy task. There are many challenges that I face on a daily basis and I'm fairly confident that the average parent would agree.

I took parenting classes nearly two years ago when my husband and I were in the separation stage and learning to work together to parent in separate homes. I admit, there are many more issues in a situation like ours, but many couples who parent in the same home report having similar issues as far as trying to be consistent, maintain a routine and still have fun with their children as well as with one another.

I look forward to meeting new people and I am just as eager to help others who look to me for suggestions, advice, and support. All I can offer is my experience and the knowledge I've gained over the last four and a half years as a parent.

When my son was still a baby, my friends and family members who were new parents would often call me to ask my advice. When did I suddenly become an expert? I used to ask myself. Slowly, over time, I realized that none of us are experts.

We're all learning - and making things up - as we go along. Experience certainly counts for something but the more people we talk to - the more ideas we gather - the better off our families will be.

Temperament

Since I'm teaching a parenting workshop this summer on Temperament, I've been looking into resources and information to help me prepare. I'm teaching this same course in two different locations, one in Vista, the other in La Mesa.

While the course will help parents identify nine different temperaments and teach them skills to manage them, there is always need to point out real life discussions and articles that focus on this same topic.

According to a study conducted at the University of Chicago, the temperament of an infant can predict future behavior (and behavior problems). The findings of this study, published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, claim "that interventions focusing on parenting during the first year of life would be beneficial in preventing future child conduct problems."

Take this online quiz to learn a bit more about your child's temperament and your reaction to his or her personality.

Getting Around

I've been finding great articles and blog posts around the web these last few days. Here are several that caught my attention:

• How to Talk To Your Daughter About Sex
• 56 Reasons to Have Sex
• How to Break Up with Parental Baggage
• Hooking Up: I Just Want to Be Your Lover

In case anyone is wondering about my interest in sex articles lately, it's because I'm working on writing a curriculum for a parenting workshop on discussing sexuality with children of all ages and developmental stages.

I've put together a survey of questions that will serve to provide me with more insight on what adults have to say about their introduction to sex and the conversations they may or may not have had with their own parents about the topic. Thanks in advance for your participation.

Happy Hour - Summer Edition

I'm pleased to announce the upcoming one-hour workshops offered this summer at Babies in Bloom, located in Vista, California.

Especially considering that most of the clientèle to this boutique are new or expectant parents, I'm excited to teach fresh parents skills and techniques to use for years to come.

HAPPY HEALTHY HIP PARENTING HAPPY HOUR
As a Certified Parent Educator through the International Network for Children and Families, I will be offering the following one-hour workshops:

Saturday, July 26th
11:00 am

HOW TO HANDLE CHILDREN'S FEELINGS
Participants will be able to learn the difference between feeling-stoppers and feeling-encouragers and how to work with children's feelings in each developmental stage.

Saturday, August 9th
11:00 am

TEMPERAMENT
Learn to identify 9 temperaments that can cause behavior challenges. Easy to use skills are taught to manage them.

Enroll today! Class sizes are limited.
*Enrollment is required for each workshop.
$25 per person; $40 per couple.
ASK ABOUT OUR DISCOUNT FOR NEW OR EXPECTANT PARENTS!

Please contact Happy Healthy Hip Parenting for more information or to enroll.

The Experienced Coach

Written by Brenda Power
Editor, Choice Literacy

My 15-year-old daughter started driver's education last month, which means driving with her over the past few weeks has been a special kind of hell for me. Dee hasn't had enough training to get her learner's permit, but she has acquired enough skills and knowledge to critique my driving...oh, pretty much every time I make a turn or pull up to a stoplight. Which would be every two to three minutes. Without fail.

The experience has made me think a lot about the role of any coach...What I've realized all over again is:

• No one likes to be coached by someone who doesn't have skills or experience with the activity being coached. Everything always looks easier from the outside.
• We can all benefit from the outside perspective of someone watching our moves closely. I am a much better driver this month than I was last month, just because some of my sloppiest habits have been pointed out to me. Repeatedly.
• We work hardest at the things we care most about. When Dee finally got her permit a week ago, I was amazed at how careful and smart she is in her driving. She eagerly asks for feedback after every drive, asks questions throughout the process, and is open to the honest analysis of her skills.

Most of all, I was reminded that those of us who coach others really need the experience periodically of learning something new, preferably something that is a true challenge. What are you planning to learn this summer? Who will be your coach?

Brenda's story about her daughter reminds me of the challenges I face when working with families. Nothing is more important to me than my family and I know the same holds true for those who enroll in my courses. I try very hard to express my opinions and points of view without being judgmental. I show my concern for parents' challenges and try to focus on what they want to achieve, what goals they plan to reach.

Being a Certified Parent Educator and teaching the courses and workshops on communication, discipline and redirecting children's behavior forces me to be more aware of the actions I take and the words I choose. I make mistakes - everyone does - and I use the lessons I learn from them to share with the parents I work with. After all, learning from my mistakes might help others to see how they can avoid making the same ones with their families.

Like Brenda, I know that the families I work with are dedicated to their children and the relationships in their lives and it only makes them stronger to ask for help when they need that extra support.

It takes a community to raise a child and I'm pleased to see the Happy Healthy Hip Parenting community growing and spreading peace between family members, friends and neighbors.

Babies In Bloom

This morning I attended a networking event put together by the owner of Babies in Bloom, a family owned business dedicated to helping new parents by providing products, classes and resources on breastfeeding and lending support to growing families.

I am pleased to announce that parenting workshops will be scheduled at their location this summer and beyond, so check back often for view their calendar of events.

There were several wonderful women-owned businesses that I also was able to discover, including MKP Images, a photographer who has beautiful images, secret locations for unique photo shoots and fantastic products such as purses, handbags and photo cards that are quite unlike anything I've come across so far.

Three Sisters Jewelry Design (by zoe) had their beautiful pieces of wearable art on display, as did Jack & Jill Cards, creator of custom greeting cards, invitations, announcements and thank you cards.

For new and expecting parents, several women were there offering their services, support and educational opportunities: HypnoBirthing, The Real Diaper Association, CrunchCare, and Not to Worry.

Please check out these local businesses when looking for quality, independent resources that support and cater to growing families.

Thoughts After Visiting Dad's House

I'm a single, working mom, but I'm one of the lucky ones. My son's father is equally involved and just as equally interested in his son's education, etc.

When people hear that I'm a single mom, they typically say something like, "I don't know how you do it on your own." Well, let me be the first to tell you that there is no way in hell that I could've gotten this far on my own.

Even though my parents and extended family and friends are thousands of miles away, they've been an amazing support system for me. I've also created a wonderful commUNITY here in the last several years that is made up of dozens of moms and dads (single or otherwise). And yes, my former husband has been a big help, too.

When we got married, we both knew that we wanted children. In fact, we were so certain that we wanted a child that we got married to ensure that it would happen. You know, "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage."

After a few years together, we discovered that we are the best parents we can possibly be to our son when we're not living together.

Over at Dad's House, I would imagine that he's just as involved in his children's life as my former husband is. We are on a 2-3-2 schedule (if anyone is interested or knows what that even means) but Dad steps up and has our son during the times I'm gone on business (quite often).

When I started my company and began to narrow my focus on what I would be specializing in as a Certified Parent Educator, my first thought was wanting to work with single parents. That focus then changed to working with any and all parents since I want to help anyone who is willing to sit down and work on being a better mom or dad than they already are.

I can't imagine having to be a full-time mom to my son without his dad in the picture. We're not all in the same house any more, and it's often times quite frustrating, but the three of us will always be a family. And family will always come first.

Redirecting Children's Behavior

I'm so excited to announce the first Redirecting Children's Behavior Parenting Retreat that I'm hosting this August at the La Jolla Marriott. More information can be found on the Happy Healthy Hip Parenting site.

Usually, this Practical Parenting Program is scheduled for three hours an evening over five weeks, but we are offering this SAME COURSE in a weekend format!

Participants will practice hands-on techniques through role-playing and group interaction. Not only will you take home these new skills and ideas, but you will also go back feeling refreshed after your weekend away. Come, relax and take a break, while still focusing on the family!

Read about one RCB graduate's experience with this course!

Why Every Parent Needs to be Educated

My job as a parent is to ___________ my child.

Go ahead. FILL IN THE BLANK. The only rule is that you are only allowed one, and only one, choice. What one word would you use to complete the sentence above? Already, in my head, I've been struggling with choosing from over a dozen possibilities.

"Every single day of parenthood forces us to juggle the practical along with the ineffable, to strive for connectedness along with autonomy, to quarrel and question and, in the end, to let go." - Anne Pleshette Murphy (Blindsided by a Diaper)

My job as a parent is the most demanding, challenging, frustrating, exciting, rewarding and powerful role I could every take on. If anyone told me (I think they did but perhaps I wasn't listening) exactly what parenthood would be like, I wouldn't believe them. I wouldn't understand because you can never truly comprehend what being a parent really means until you're there; looking at your little child who is not taking NO for an answer.

I've been working for the same company now for seven years and, although I had many other jobs prior to this one, I don't recall any job that I had that did not require some sort of training. Why should parenting be any different?

People joke about how easy it is to make a baby. There's no application to fill out, no fees involved in the actual creation of a child (unless you calculate the bar tab at the end of the night). But seriously, why is it that new parents are expected to sit through birthing classes and learn how to change diapers and perform CPR on infant sized dolls yet there are no requirements on having to take parenting classes? After all, the infant stage is over before you know it, but parenting is FOREVER.

"A baby, it turns out, is more permanent than a tattoo."
- Michael Finkel (Welcome to the Babyhouse)

When I became a new mom, I struggled with trying to be the best mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, and role model I could possibly be. I was convinced that I could do everything myself, even without my husband's help.

I feel sorry for those "...men...determined to be better fathers than their own dads but who felt criticized by their wives every time they even tried."
- Amy Sohn (Confessions of a Sugar Mommy)

Now that I realize that many families face the same challenges and issues behind closed doors, it's much easier for me to forgive myself. And I find myself warning every parent I know so that, hopefully, they won't make the same mistakes I did.

"The Who Has the Harder Job? Show had begun - and it ran for more seasons
than I care to count. Inevitably, we both ended up losers."
- Susan Maushart (Where the Bruises Are)

And I lost big time. I lost my husband, the family that I created and my sense of identity had to be completely redefined.

"...babies begin to smile at exactly this point - six to eight weeks in -
as a matter of survival...this is also the time parents stop smiling at each other."
- Nicholas Weinstock (Being a Baby)

I was introduced to the Redirecting Children's Behavior class by, none other than, my ex-husband. Our son was going through a terrible stage (as we all were) and all three of us were frustrated, exhausted and emotionally bankrupt.

"...he loved [our son] with an over-the-top abandon that he never showed me."
- Elizabeth Larsen (To Jealousy and Beyond)

My ex-husband and I each took the five-week course - separately - and slowly implemented the skills and tools we learned in each of our homes. I noticed a change instantly. Not only was I feeling less stressed, but our daily routines were going much smoother, we were laughing more (and crying less) and there was an overall sense of hope that embraced my son and I as we worked on improving our relationship by simply adjusting the way we communicated with one another.

"...just as children fundamentally alter the nature of marriage...
children affect the end of marriage even more profoundly."
- David Elliot Cohen (Life Sentence)

I don't know where we'd be today if it weren't for the RCB program and the information, support and encouragement I received from the class. I'm an instructor now myself, and if there's one piece of advice I could give to parents, whether they're expecting their first baby or already have children, it would be this: educate yourselves, share your stories, support one another, Make Time for Yourself and laugh often. You won't regret it.

"...if couples can find ways to talk openly -
with each other and with other couples - about the changes they're encountering,
they'll be better equipped to navigate the challenges."
- Dana Bedford Hilmer (editor, Blindsided by a Diaper)

To learn more about parent education and the types of classes and workshops offered, please visit the Happy Healthy Hip Parenting website.

*Each author quoted in the above post has an essay published in the recent book, Blindsided by a Diaper: Over 30 Men and Women Reveal How Parenthood Changes a Relationship)

Contest Winner

Congratulations, Monique! You are the winner of the autographed copy of Susan Carrell's new book, Escaping Toxic Guilt. I first announced this giveaway a week ago and have since had several inquiries from people interested in learning more about parenting workshops that cover this same topic.

Unfortunately, I don't have anything that specific, but we do offer great workshops and classes based on the Practical Parenting Program which encourages and produces positive attitudes and beliefs among parents and children, while decreasing the negative (guilt is just one of them). Of course, I also work one-on-one with parents to focus more on their specific parenting challenges. Please contact me for more information.

More contests and giveaways are coming so subscribe today to enter. New prizes will be announced weekly. Weekly newsletters are coming as well featuring News Parents Can Use so be sure to register today for these exclusive tidbits of information brought to you by Happy Healthy Hip Parenting.

Parenting Workshop Schedule

Join us for one or more of the following Happy Healthy Hip Parenting Workshops held at Java Mama in La Mesa, CA:

All workshops are part of the Positive Parenting Program. We encourage you to come and meet other parents committed to enriching their relationship with a child. There will be an early childhood educator on hand to supervise children in the play area.

Balancing Love & Discipline
Thursday, April 3, 6 - 7:30 pm

Introduces the concept of firm and kind, unconditional love, and the value of more action and less talk.

Handling Sibling Rivalry
Thursday, April 24, 6 -7:30 pm

There is a difference between sibling rivalry and sibling conflict. Learn how to identify and correct each behavior.

The Terrific Twos
Thursday, May 15, 6 - 7:30 pm

Use developmental information and the mistaken goals of power and attention to make this challenging time wonderful.

Parenting Workshops are $30 per person or $45 for two enrollments. Enrollment forms are available via email. Please contact Happy Healthy Hip Parenting with any questions and please subscribe to our weekly newsletter, coming in April and featuring News for Parents to Use.