Community Members

I celebrated the one year anniversary of this blog not that long ago and I'm amazed at how quickly things have evolved for me and how many wonderful people I have met along over the last twelve months.

People often ask me how I find the time to write and how I find the content to include. I read articles about parenting, blog posts about children, and I receive newsletters that inspire me as well as discovering people through our connections on line, whether it be through LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace or from reading the comments left on the blogs that I read and simply clicking through and making new friends in the process.

There are several people I have met that I'd like to introduce my community members to. One, in particular, is a woman named Cathy Northcutt who I spent yesterday afternoon with. She's a wonderful example of Passionate Parenting and has inspired me to take my company in new directions and I applaud her efforts of using her experience as a Life Coach and mother of two to inspire others to explore their opportunities through insight and support.

Cathy and I met through our connection with the RCB Team of Certified Parent Educators here in San Diego. She too, taught at the RCB conference and sat in on my class about The Birds & the Bees.

She does many wonderful things which I will highlight in future posts, such as her journal entitled Who Am I? (which I'll be reviewing soon), but the one thing I can't wait to share is her weekly Telegathering which is held every Tuesday night.

Join in the Passionate Parent Coaching Call which is free (other than the long-distance phone call to dial in). During the first half of the sixty-minute session, Cathy will discuss a specific parenting issue, such as teaching self-control, handling sibling rivalry, or balancing work & family. The second half of the session will be open for questions.

I plan on being there this, and every, Tuesday night so I encourage you to visit Cathy's website, learn more about her, whether or not you're ready for a Life Coach, or get to know yourself better by answering the questions she provides.

Be sure to RSVP for the Tuesday night Coaching Call and please let Cathy know that you heard about her here. Once you confirm that you'll be calling in, she'll provide you with the phone number and access code. I'll see you on the call Tuesday, October 7th at 8:30pm (PST).

To learn more about her services and retreats by visiting her site:
www.CathyNorthcutt.com

11 Step Program for Parents-to-Be

I have been discovering many great Moms who Twitter since joining this amazing group of women a few weeks back. Just yesterday, I found this hilarious post from Real Tech Mom and just had to share. Check out her blog and the 11 Step Program for to Complete Before Having Kids.

For many of us, we've found out - through hands on learning - what it truly is like to be a parent. As funny - and true - as this list is, I don't think anyone is ever really prepared for the changes and challenges that becoming a parent brings.

I teach one hour parenting workshops and a 15-hour course on Redirecting Children's Behavior and am amazed at all of the new and expecting parents who are eager to gain some tools and techniques to use with their children when the time comes.

Classes are scheduled in La Mesa at Java Mama and I'm pleased to announce that there will be additional workshops held in North County as well, at the Babies in Bloom boutique on the border of Oceanside and Vista.

Check out the class schedule or calendar of events for more information. I am also able to cater courses and workshops for your mom's group, PTA or at your place of employment. Contact me to set up a customized program that fits your needs and schedule.

How to Talk to Your Children about Sex

Yesterday, I taught my first parenting workshop on Talking about Sex with Children and Teens. I think, for the most part, the audience was pleased since they had many questions and I was able to answer them all. Actually, I take that back. Several of those who attended the workshop ended up answering a few questions so I feel as though I should've taken a bit more control as far as keeping to the course outline.

Unfortunately, I did run out of time and wasn't able to cover everything I had hoped to. I do have copies of the course outline, the stats on STDs and teen pregnancy and of course, the questionnaire that many of those who attended were interested in receiving. 

The conference itself was amazing. Keynote speaker Max Simon reminded me a bit of my son and I could actually see glimpses of my four-year-old years into the future, having the same sense of himself and the world. It was great to see this successful and responsible young man sharing his childhood memories with us and what he learned growing up with parents who used the Redirecting Children's Behavior model of parenting in their homes.

Susie Walton, founder of Indigo Village and the person behind this first of its kind conference brought me to tears when she spoke about her vision for this event and of course, the Village itself which she opened a few years ago.

The rooms were filled with parents of all ages, with children and grandchildren of varying backgrounds. What was so inspiring, was that each and every one of us - whether presenting or attending - were there for the same reason: to bring peace into our homes, our hearts, our relationships, and our lives.

If you are looking to reduce the stress in your home or are anxious to create a more loving and balanced relationship with your children, spouse or parents, please seek out a Certified Parent Educator in your area. There's hundreds of us waiting to meet you.

It Takes a (San Diego) Village

Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB) of San Diego is proud to present

The First Annual "IT TAKES A VILLAGE" Conference

A 1-day convention for parents, teachers, coaches, grandparents, caregivers,
and anyone who interacts with children.

September 20, 2008
9:00 am - 5:00 pm

University of San Diego
Kroc Institute for Peace and Justice
5998 Alcala Park
San Diego, CA 92110

Over a dozen parenting workshops will be held throughout this one-day event. Here are just a sample of courses offered:

• Consequences that Work
  
• Effective Parent-Child Communication
  
• Enjoying the Teen Years
  
• Flower Essence Therapy
  
• Power Struggles in the Classroom
  
• Handling Sibling Rivalry
  
• Kids and Money, Abundance and Scarcity
  
• Let’s Talk about Sex..the Birds and the Bees (Please help me prepare for this workshop by filling out this questionnaire!)
• New Tools and Techniques in Place of Praise
  
• Redirecting for a Cooperative Classroom
  
• Redirecting for the Single Parent
  
• Couple's Communication
  
• Strategies for Parents in High-conflict Divorce
  
• Welcome to the Wonderful World of Sports
  
• Balancing Love with Discipline (English & Spanish)
  
• No I Won’t & You Can’t Make Me! (English & Spanish)
  

Keynote Speaker, Max Simon will join over a dozen Certified Parent Educators* from the San Diego RCB team to inspire peace!

Max Simon, a new school leader of consciousness, has toured the country with Deepak Chopra M.D. and his father, Dr. David Simon, teaching meditation and yoga to thousands of people.

Also presenting will be Emcee, Jeff Detrow from Star 94.1 (the Jeff‐N‐Jer Radio Show) and Susie Walton, founder of Indigo Village and recipient of the San Diego Parent Educator of the Year award. Susie will be presenting a special message about Indigo Children.

Register before September 13th for your early-bird discount!

*Educators are certified through the International Network for Children and Families (INCAF).

Weekend Parenting Retreat

Here in La Jolla, the Weekend Parenting Retreat takes place over the next two days. At first, I debated whether or not to call this a retreat, but after reviewing the definition I decided that it is the perfect word for this event.

re·treat /rɪˈtrit/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ri-treet] – noun

1.	the forced or strategic withdrawal of an army or an armed force before an enemy, or the withdrawing of a naval force from action.

2.	the act of withdrawing, as into safety or privacy; retirement; seclusion.

3.	a place of refuge, seclusion, or privacy: The library was his retreat.

4.	an asylum, as for the insane.

5.	a retirement or a period of retirement for religious exercises and meditation.

7.	to withdraw, retire, or draw back, esp. for shelter or seclusion.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't see parenting the same way I view the military (although I do agree mostly with definition #4). However, in all honesty, I do believe that the withdrawal from the "enemy" is similar, emotionally, as it is to withdrawal from "the trenches" of parenthood.

Parenting is challenging. It's liberating, amazing, spiritual, uplifting and very rewarding. It's also hard work, emotionally and physically. It even affects our sexual selves (as most parents will argue).


My goal over the weekend is to help parents reduce the stress in their homes. I will accomplish this through educating them about unique strategies that have worked for many others (including myself). We will also use role play to help enhance the "usability" of these practices. And, of course, they will walk away with additional support, resources and references to refer to for years to come.

The parents that are going to be attending this weekend are fabulous parents. How do I know this? Because they're committing themselves to this Practical Parenting Program, which is an investment in both time and money. They're stepping aside from their duties as a parent, giving up their weekend to learn, support one another and renew their promise to be the best parent and/or spouse they can possibly be.

We're all trying to be the best we can be. But, we all make mistakes and have been known to make bad decisions, myself included. If we encourage one another, learn from our own - and others' - mistakes, we'll all be better off because of it. And our kids will thank us for it twenty years from now (I guarantee it).

Peace Begins in the Home

I taught a class last night on Temperament. Actually, no one showed up so I didn't actually teach but the course was scheduled and I was there.

At Java Mama, where the class was to be held, a mom asked me what I was teaching. She commented that she should take the course when her daughter was older. "She's only fifteen months," was her response.

I gave her my card and mentioned that the class was appropriate for parents with children her daughter's age. What's interesting about her comment was that I have a feeling that most other parents feel the same way.

Waiting until your child is older sounds like a reasonable statement to make but when you're talking about days that go by so quickly, parents don't realize that they need additional support until it's much too late and they're stressed, frustrated and no longer enjoying the time they have with their little ones.

Now, with all due respect, I have a feeling that the woman I met was very well educated and will most likely head to my website, perhaps even read this post and follow up with me in regards to learning more about the services I provide.

I know nothing about the parents I meet, other than those I'm friends with or whose children are friends with my son. I judge no one and, because of my experience, I can honestly say that parenting is no easy task. There are many challenges that I face on a daily basis and I'm fairly confident that the average parent would agree.

I took parenting classes nearly two years ago when my husband and I were in the separation stage and learning to work together to parent in separate homes. I admit, there are many more issues in a situation like ours, but many couples who parent in the same home report having similar issues as far as trying to be consistent, maintain a routine and still have fun with their children as well as with one another.

I look forward to meeting new people and I am just as eager to help others who look to me for suggestions, advice, and support. All I can offer is my experience and the knowledge I've gained over the last four and a half years as a parent.

When my son was still a baby, my friends and family members who were new parents would often call me to ask my advice. When did I suddenly become an expert? I used to ask myself. Slowly, over time, I realized that none of us are experts.

We're all learning - and making things up - as we go along. Experience certainly counts for something but the more people we talk to - the more ideas we gather - the better off our families will be.

Someone Needs a Time Out

I LOVE this commercial! I just saw it on TV for the first time (I hardly ever have the TV on) and immediately looked it up on YouTube.

The Redirecting Children's Behavior program that I am certified to teach does not endorse time outs, unless it's done like this!

Redirecting Children's Behavior

I'm so excited to announce the first Redirecting Children's Behavior Parenting Retreat that I'm hosting this August at the La Jolla Marriott. More information can be found on the Happy Healthy Hip Parenting site.

Usually, this Practical Parenting Program is scheduled for three hours an evening over five weeks, but we are offering this SAME COURSE in a weekend format!

Participants will practice hands-on techniques through role-playing and group interaction. Not only will you take home these new skills and ideas, but you will also go back feeling refreshed after your weekend away. Come, relax and take a break, while still focusing on the family!

Read about one RCB graduate's experience with this course!

Parenting Workshop Schedule

Join us for one or more of the following Happy Healthy Hip Parenting Workshops held at Java Mama in La Mesa, CA:

All workshops are part of the Positive Parenting Program. We encourage you to come and meet other parents committed to enriching their relationship with a child. There will be an early childhood educator on hand to supervise children in the play area.

Balancing Love & Discipline
Thursday, April 3, 6 - 7:30 pm

Introduces the concept of firm and kind, unconditional love, and the value of more action and less talk.

Handling Sibling Rivalry
Thursday, April 24, 6 -7:30 pm

There is a difference between sibling rivalry and sibling conflict. Learn how to identify and correct each behavior.

The Terrific Twos
Thursday, May 15, 6 - 7:30 pm

Use developmental information and the mistaken goals of power and attention to make this challenging time wonderful.

Parenting Workshops are $30 per person or $45 for two enrollments. Enrollment forms are available via email. Please contact Happy Healthy Hip Parenting with any questions and please subscribe to our weekly newsletter, coming in April and featuring News for Parents to Use.

Impulse Buyer

A while back, my son and I had a discussion before heading to the grocery store about not coming back home with a new toy. We both got into the car voluntarily, knowing that our agreement was that we could only look at the toys and that there was a possibility of our purchasing something on our next trip to the store.

Halfway down the toy aisle (When did it become necessary to have a toy section within the grocery store?), I noticed a pink metal container with what appeared to be a set of dice on the cover of the box. It said BUNCO in big, pink letters and so I picked it up.

Immediately, my son looked at me and said, "Mom, put that back. We're only looking." I couldn't help but laugh as he repeated a phrase that I have found myself saying time and time again. But it worked. I put the box back on the shelf and enjoyed watching my son decide, after much deliberation, what toy he was going to buy next time.

We spent a long time in that aisle, probably much longer than we would have if he actually was able to purchase something. Luckily, he has not inherited my shopping habits (at least not yet).

I'm what they refer to as an impulse buyer. When I'm standing behind someone in line, I almost always add something, last minute, to the purchase.

I am trying to become a much more sensible shopper these days and I think I learned something from my son that day. Knowing the dollar amount that he's typically able to spend on a toy, he realizes rather quickly that the bigger toys are out of the question and continues to pick up the smaller boxes from the shelves.

In my case, however, the smaller the box, the higher the price tag usually is so maybe that technique won't quite work for me, after all.

Still, I enjoy shopping with my son. Yes, I said it. I enjoy shopping with my son. I didn't always, though.

It wasn't until I took the RCB course myself that I learned the most valuable lesson of all. There are 4 Goals of Misbehavior (Attention, Power, Revenge, Avoidance). When a child behaves in such a way that makes a parent want to react (in whatever way), it is the child's attempt at trying to have a particular need met.

My son is spoiled now that he has me all to himself since the little time I do have with him, I of course give him 100% of my attention. It's nice knowing that my son needs, wants and craves my attention. We've all heard about plants and flowers that thrive when people talk or sing to them, right?

I see other parents shopping with their little ones and talking on their cell phone or not allowing their child to participate in any way and it irritates me. Having a child around is so much fun, although certainly challenging at times, but I look at everything I do with my child, whether it be shopping, eating dinner, trying to get out of the house, or helping him put away his toys, as an adventure, a game of sorts.

I lost my train of thought here and what my point was in posting this. Regardless, I'm off to go get some much-needed attention and to share my love and attention with my son. It's the best part of my day.

Perhaps maybe we'll make a surprise visit to the toy section when I pick him up from school. After all, he did inherit my love of shopping.

G.E.M.s

My son was with his dad this past weekend, which means that I dropped him off at preschool Friday morning and saw him again yesterday when I picked him up in the same spot. For a while after his father and I separated, our son had a very difficult time transitioning after the weekends.

It seemed as though it took a whole 12 hours before he adjusted to calling me Mom instead of Dad and remembering what the rules in my house are and dropping the volume of his voice a few decibels.

Now that I have the lessons I've learned through the RCB course in the front of my mind, it seems as though things have been going much smoother between my son and I. Tantrums don't even exist anymore and when I ask my son to do something, he still sometimes says, "No," at first, but then I just stand in front of him or kneel by his side and wait for him to look me in the eye.

When he finally does he usually says, "OK, Mom" or, "I will put my toys away," instead of, "You do it," like he had been saying in the past. Often times he'll ask me to help him and he's definitely picked up on the fact that if someone makes a mess, whether on purpose or not, that someone must clean it up.

Just the other day his friend came over to play and the two of them dumped out a big bucket of Legos before running into the other room to find other ways to make a mess.

I let the Legos sit there until it was time for his friend to go home. I asked my son if he would start picking up his toys and he looked at his friend and says, "You have to help me because you helped make the mess." And the two of them put each and every one of the Legos away without complaining.

I also had the opportunity that day to use the techniques I learned from the Sibling Rivalry workshop with regards to their fighting over a toy. It seems that my son doesn't want to play with a certain toy until someone else decides to pick it up. The struggle is more of the play that they enjoy rather than being the one to end up with whatever it is they're fighting over. As soon as one of them either gives in or decides to take turns, the fun is over, no more fighting and for that reason, the particular toy gets ignored and they move on to something else.

At dinner last night and before bed, we shared plenty of G.E.M.s which are Genuine Encounter Moments, situations where we bond and enjoy being in the same room with one another and focus our attention on each other. At dinner we held hands (I ate with my left hand which wasn't easy) and at bedtime he sat on my lap as I read him stories and I held his hand again as he laid down to fall asleep.

It's these G.E.M.s that make up the time when he's away and strengthens the bond between us. In the morning, he usually wants to sit on my lap or have me hold him for a while before he officially wakes up.

This reminds me of a recent article I discovered that, although published in 2006, is still relevant information and confirms why these G.E.M.s are so important to families and loved ones.

In the article published in The New York Times, Tiffany Field, the director of the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami School of Medicine states,

Based on what we’ve seen, when we get more physical intimacy we get better relationships, whether a mother and an infant or a couple.

Share a G.E.M. with someone you care about and see what difference it makes in your day. No talking is required. Holding hands is the easiest way to do this, or rubbing their back, or placing your arm around them. You'll find yourself more relaxed, more in the moment, and more willing to hear what the other person has to say.

Bite Marks

My 3.75-year-old son bit me this past weekend. Not that he's never done this before but this time he left a mark, a very large bite mark that has now turned into a major bruise. It turned black and blue instantly, but is currently an ugly yellow and is not looking as though it will begin to fade for quite some time.

As a newly Certified Parent Educator through the International Network of Families and Children (INCAF) I think it's only fitting that I start out this blog by saying that no one is perfect. Neither parent nor child are going to go through life without conflict and frustration. That would take away all of the fun, right?

I am a perfectionist, however, so my intention is to help other parents learn from my (plethora of) mistakes by using my own examples in the Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB) 5-week course and individual workshops that are offered through my newly formed company (and the name of this blog), Happy Healthy Hip Parenting (HHH).

Somehow, I feel as though admitting to having made mistakes along the way will not only help ease my guilt, but to also provide an atmosphere where the participants in my course look to me as a peer and not someone standing in front of them telling them what to do or how to be a better parent. Because, after all, each child is unique and each situation will require a different solution. I am here to offer a supportive and open environment where parents learn new skills, learn from one another, and learn more about themselves and their children.

I also think this will help me to learn to laugh at myself more often because they say that laughter is the best medicine and I am all about self-medication! ;^)