Online Dating Profile Pics: What NOT to Wear

Alright, I realize that this is going to come off as me being petty and will most likely offend some of you, especially those who have a profile online, but I have to share.

This isn't about me making fun of anyone in particular (alright, it is), but after ignoring my eHarmony profile for over a week, I finally went over there to check out my latest matches and guess what?

There were over 210 matches waiting for me...and not one single profile caught my attention, except for the fact that I suddenly started talking to the people (by name) in the photos and actually taking notes (yes, taking notes).

Here is what I have learned from the profile pictures that came up on my screen and here's what I would suggest to everyone (male or female) who plans on putting their pictures online (or who has done so already).

Don't upload a mirror shot: You know what they look like. You can actually SEE the camera and sometimes a flash...Get someone to take your photo. Anyone. A neighbor, your mom, the guy at the pharmacy who thinks he's taking your passport photo. Better yet, go in one of those photo booths that gives you four chances to get it right.


Don't include a picture from last Halloween: A potential date is not interested in how you look in disguise. She or he wants to see what YOU look like. On a normal day.

Don't include pictures from the bar: You know the one. You have a beer in your hand and you look laid-back and appear to be someone who knows how to have a good time. What this says to people is, "I like taking photos when I'm under the influence. Wait 'til you see what I look like when I'm WASTED!" Not a good message to be sending...

Please, please, please don't include your children (or anyone else's) in your main profile pic: I have a child and I love kids, but the first impression you give when you include children in your main photo is "I'm looking for a new Mom (or Dad) for these adorable kids." Usually, the kids are the first thing people see, not you.


Please put a shirt on: I really can't comprehend why people include photos where they're not wearing a shirt. Usually, when that happens, it's not flattering. No one wants to see you with your shirt off unless you're at the beach, and you're a Chippendale dancer.

Please remove your hat - and your sunglasses: Again, please refer to #2. A potential partner wants to see what you look like - eyes, hair - or whether you have any underneath the cap.


Don't upload a work photo: I can't even tell you how many doctors I've seen in their scrubs, firefighters I've seen with fires blazing in the background and military men in their uniforms. This all leads back to wanting to see what a potential date looks like outside the office (or place of employment).


Please include a photo where you actually look happy to be alive: I've seen way too many photos of people who can't seem to crack a smile. Pretend you like yourself. Then maybe other people will.

Don't include photos that look like they're 'still shots' from your sex tapes: You know the one - the shirtless, awkward angle and expression on the person's face = CREEPY.

Please don't include major close ups: They're never attractive and typically look like the WANTED posters from the nightly news.


If you're in the military, don't upload photos of you in your camo: You look like every other guy in camo...potential partners want to see what YOU look like, not what you look like when you're ready to head into battle...Unless you approach dating defensively, then I suppose it's OK.

Please do not post photos of yourself EATING (Yes, I did come across this one): Photos of you with your mouth full. Not going to earn any points with the women I know (let's face it, women would NEVER post a photo of themselves eating).

College students / military men - Please don't include your photos that showcase the nudey pictures on the wall behind you: The women who view these photos will not see you, but the pics behind you. And that's probably not going to get you a date. But, then again, you never know.

Please don't include photos of you and your friends: Petty, I realize, but if I see a photo with a bunch of guys, I'm checking out the hottest one of the group, and chances are, it's not the one who's looking for a date.

Don't include photos where you're in full scuba gear: So you like to go diving. Great. Why do I want to see a photo of you underwater, with a full wet suit on and a mask covering your ENTIRE face? I want to see what you look like. This photo only tells me what you like to DO.

Last, but certainly not least, please don't submit your profile to an online dating site WITHOUT a picture. I realize that the above "suggestions" might cause someone to want to pursue the online dating thing with just their personality to get them by. It WON'T happen. We all want to SEE what we're getting into and - as long as the above suggestions are applied - you may have some dating success (of course there are no guarantees).

Good luck. And if you see my profile on line, don't worry. The photos of me wearing a hat and glasses, alongside my son and in our Halloween costumes will be removed soon. I pinkie swear.

12 Tips to Being a Great Mom (or Dad)

by Vered of MomGrind

1. Stay true to yourself.
2. Don't be a martyr.
3. Don't try to be perfect.
4. Ditch the guilt.
5. Be patient.
6. Listen to your children.
7. Be their mom, not their friend.
8. Teach them simplicity.
9. Don't push them too hard.
10. Teach them self-esteem.
11. Teach them to be self-reliant.
12. Laugh and have fun!
    

Read more from Zen Habits.

When Hallmark Just Won't Do

Now, before I continue, I must say that I love Hallmark. However, not all situations or people are worthy of a Hallmark card. And that's where SomeEcards come in handy.

This is a good one to send to a lover if you've discovered that he or she has cheated:

When you care enough to invite an ex-lover to your wedding:

The BEST Father's Day card, ever:

To share with fellow co-workers:

Several of these cards will offend and possibly disturb some individuals. These are the same cards that will make others (such as myself) laugh out loud and want to send them to each and every one that you know. Spread the joy and be sure to leave a comment here with a link to your favorite SomeEcards!

The Best Medicine

I have to agree that laughter is the best medicine but sometimes it's hard to know when it is or is not appropriate to laugh because of something a child has done, or said. Too often I have found myself laughing out loud when my son has done or said something so cute or utterly ridiculous. I say too often because there are several instances when he gets upset and tells me that "it's not funny."

Despite these rare occasions, my son has quite the sense of humor. But he's not laughing tonight.

Tonight is the first night that I've been away from my son when he hasn't been with his father. He's been with either one of us every day since he was born. My mom is staying with him for the next few nights and I know exactly how she must have felt when he called me up tonight, crying and asking for me.

He goes to school tomorrow where he'll be asked to join in the usual weekday routine. I'll feel much better when he's surrounded by his friends and teachers, instead of at the house, thinking about my not being there.

Adjusting to changes can be difficult for young children and tensions arise when they're expected to understand the concept of time when all they want is their Mom or Dad to kiss them goodnight, or right Now!

I'll be falling asleep tonight in an over-sized bed, thinking about my son and how I wish I were lying next to him. He's not going to remember this trip years from now, or will he?

I still - to this day - remember, vividly, not wanting to stay with my Aunt and Uncle when my parents left my sister and I at their house while they were away. We must have been there for more than one night but all I remember is standing at the edge of the bed - refusing to climb in to go to sleep - and crying. I wanted my own bed, my own house, and my Mom to be there when I woke up.

I also remember inviting my cousin over for a sleepover when we were in elementary school. I believe it was about midnight when my parents finally got her in the car to take her home because she was so homesick.

I appreciate the fact that my parents helped me to become more independent, learn the importance of trust, and to have faith that they will always be there for me, even if they aren't always there.

I have a feeling that my son will be just as upset when Grandma leaves next week as he was tonight and I'm pretty sure that not that long afterwards he'll ask me when she's coming to stay once again.

Happy Monday!

I've had quite an unusual day. Actually, it was quite pleasant. The streets were somewhat empty as many schools and businesses are closed this week. I dropped my son off at pre-school and headed into work to interview our first candidate for the newly created role of Marketing Assistant.

I then took care of some correspondence and details for our upcoming spring season and then we closed the office for a few hours while we took a much-needed Kane/Miller fieldtrip to see the film, Dan in Real Life, which features a scene that includes our best-selling title, from Japan, Everyone Poops.


The film was sweet, laugh-out-loud funny and made for a pleasant break in the middle of a Monday. Steve Carell plays a single father of three girls, the oldest of whom is 17. The middle child (why is it always the middle child) is "in love" and manages to teach dear old dad a thing or two about following your heart by the end of the movie.

Dan's character writes a parenting column in the local newspaper and has been raising the girls on his own since their mother passed away. His life focuses on the girls and it's not until his mother tells him to "get lost" that he finally begins to open up and enjoy the feeling of companionship when he meets a lovely lady who he feels quite comfortable with.

The story takes some twists and turns, all full of humor and family chaos. I recommend this film to anyone who's trying to find their own place in the world, especially single parents who tend to put their own needs last.

A Little Meme

I discovered a mention of the Kane/Miller Japanese title, Breasts, this morning on the Paradise Found blog and browsed the site since it's new to me. I also found this little meme posted there yesterday and thought it'd be fun to continue it here.

From Japan
Breasts
by Genichiro Yagyu

All memes, no matter what the subject, remind me of Trudy White's Could You? Would You? I'm always up for promoting anything to get young people talking and getting to know each other - or themselves - better. I consider myself young (at heart) so I'll begin...

From Australia
Could You? Would You?
by Trudy White

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?

My best friend from college.

2. What were you doing at 8:00am?

Still trying to wake up.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

Responding to over a dozen emails.

4. What happened to you in 2006?

My husband filed for divorced (can't recall much else from that year...)

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?

Thank you.

6. How many beverages did you have today?

Still working on my first.

7. What color is your hairbrush?

I don’t use a hairbrush, but my comb is blue.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?

Coffee

9. Where were you last night?

At the office until 10pm

10. What color is your front door?

Dark brown

11. Where do you keep your change?

In a jar on the kitchen table that reads: Family Fun Night

12. What’s the weather like today?

Overcast, foggy.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?

14. What excites you?

Spending a day with family

15. Do you want to cut your hair?

No, it's short enough as it is.

16. Are you over the age of 25?

Yes, thank god.

17. Do you talk a lot?

Yes, too much.

18. Do you watch the O.C.?

No. And I'm appalled that other people do.

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?

Yes, but only through a friend of a friend.

20. Do you make up your own words?

Of course.

21. Are you a jealous person?

Yes, sometimes.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’

Andrea, Alison, Amber... (Hi, ladies!)

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’

Kira

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?

My son's father

25. What does the last text message you received say

"Yeah, right. Maybe if I win the lotto."

26. Do you chew on your straw?

No.

27. Do you have curly hair?

No.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?

Palm Springs

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?

Can't think of anyone

30. What was the last thing you ate?

a muffin

31. Will you get married in the future?

My first marriage just ended, and no, I don't think I will have a second go.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?

A Night at the Museum (this is actually the only movie I've seen in the past 2 weeks)

33. Is there anyone you like right now?

Sure, lots of people!

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?

A few days ago

35. Are you currently depressed?

No, should I be?

36. Did you cry today?

Not yet!

37. Why did you answer and post this?

I've been having bad luck this week and thought perhaps answering random questions about myself would cheer me up. It has.

Threesome

Who was it that said things happen in threes? Tuesday, I was pulled over and got a ticket for speeding, yesterday someone hit my car in a parking lot and today - you'll never believe this - I got a flat tire and spent the majority of my afternoon dealing with waiting for the replacement and being stuck in traffic afterwards.

Needless to say, after the week I've had so far, I couldn't help but laugh when I discovered the flat tire (after a few minutes of pure panic). Luckily, reading kept me busy during that waiting period and I suddenly found myself enjoying the fact that I wasn't at work. After all, I was spending the day outside, enjoying the beautiful San Diego weather, reading.

I find it's typically our response to disruptions like this that tend to give others a perspective on what we're like under serious stress. There are several characters from our books that I have learned from and consider role models as far as trying to maintain a positive attitude.

Dougal the Garbage Dump Bear is one such character. One of my favorite quotes from any children's book is found on the last page of this one:

"...while he sat there on his own, Dougal would think how lucky he was...he realized that sometimes bad things happen so that good things can happen. You just had to make the best of it."

From Australia
Dougal the Garbage Dump Bear
by Matt Dray

There are certainly other characters that I could reference, but it's been a long day, a long night, actually. I'm heading home - finally. I'm going to have much better luck tomorrow. I just have to.

Better Luck Next Year

This morning - and most of this afternoon - turned out to be one of those days where things were not going my way. I might as well move to Australia (Bonus points for the first person to let me know where that came from!).

I brought my son to the dentist this morning. He's been going every six months since he was six months old. He was a fabulous example of a well-behaved, fully cooperative child - until today. He started kicking his feet and waving his hands up in the air when the dental hygienist attempted to start cleaning his teeth.

Twenty minutes and several attempts at trying the whole thing again turned out to be false starts. We're going to try it again in another six months. Both the dental hygienist and the dentist herself deserve patience (and patient) awards for probably having to deal with that same situation several times a week.

Although the whole experience felt like it was more devastating for me afterwards, it was nothing compared to the frustration I felt when my son and I got to our car only to discover a note that read: "I hit the front of your car while trying to get out. Call me at ... "

This was some sort of joke, right? I looked at the front of my car and no, this was no joke. Indeed, there was a small dent in the middle of the hood along with a scrape mark on the front of the grill. Lovely.

What else could go wrong this week? After all, I was pulled over yesterday for speeding and the lovely CHIPs character (yes, he was on a motorcycle) was not interested in my excuse ("I just got back from Chicago and I haven't driven in over a week!")

2006 and 2007 have not been my years. I'm hopefully optimistic about 2008. Wish me luck.

One of Those Days

"The best proof of love is trust." - Joyce Brothers

"I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year." - Bette Davis

"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without." - James C. Dobson

"Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage." - Sydney J. Harris

"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable." - Joyce Brothers

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." - Katharine Hepburn

"Never get married in the morning - you never know who you might meet that night." - Paul Hornung

"Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left." - Jean Kerr

"More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse." - Doug Larson

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." - Mignon McLaughlin

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." - Henny Youngman

"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." - David Grayson

"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost." - Gilbert K. Chesterton

"Who so loves believes the impossible." - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness." - Josh Billings

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein

"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well." - Lewis B. Smedes

"Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely." - Auguste Rodin

"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet." - Plato

"Love conquers all." - Virgil

"All that I know I learned after I was thirty." - Georges Clemenceau

Five Questions

Thanks to Kane/Miller, I have been lucky enough to work with authors and illustrators from around the world during my six and a half years with them. Several of these individuals have been quite friendly through email and some have even offered to show me around should I ever make it to their homeland.

Trudy White is one such author/illustrator. She is the creator of a very intimate book, Could You? Would You? I say intimate because you cannot read through the questions and instructions in this 96-page picture book without taking an intimate look at yourself, or those who you might share it with.

Kane/Miller Book Publishers

Inspired by the responses of several kidlit blogsters, I have taken the time to answer the five questions that Trudy selected for her mention in this past weekend's Seven Impossible Things Before Breakfast posting.

• How would someone find you in a crowd?
  

I'll be the one with the purple glasses and the tattoos. Oh, and I sort of look like Emma.

• If your house had a secret room, what would be in there?

My secret reading room would have plenty of natural sunlight shining down through the skylights along the vaulted ceiling. The room would have built in, wall-to-wall bookshelves. Oh, and there would be a wine cellar (and a small bathroom) not too far away.

• Where do you like to walk from your house?

I enjoy walking up the street to the playground which is on the campus of a community college. It has tennis and basketball courts, a community swimming pool, baseball and soccer fields and a volleyball court. There are always happy people and children there to inspire me.

• How will you change as you grow up?

I hope to never grow up in that I enjoy living in the moment and seeing the world from a child's perspective. I would imagine that as my son grows and changes I will too but I can only hope that I will be even more happy, healthy and hip than I am now! And au naturel.

• What sort of animal would you like to be?
  

I liken myself to a snake, seemingly vulnerable yet powerful and strong, moving smoothly and constantly shedding my skin.

The questions and instructions from Trudys' book that would make great first-date discussions:

• What is the best thing about you?
• Can you wiggle your ears like a rabbit?
• Draw a picture of your family.
• What is the best thing about where you live?
• What special thing will you keep until you are old?
• What makes you smile?
  
• What makes you angry?
• What is the funniest thing you can remember?
• What helps you feel better if you're sad?

Oh, and just in case you're curious, Trudy and her partner recently "bought a block of land by the beach along The Great Ocean Road in Victoria - an hour or so from Melbourne."

I'm looking you up when I get to Australia, Trudy. I have some questions for you.

Judging a Book By Its Cover

I was asked by a colleague to answer a few questions about on line dating for an upcoming article she's writing. It seems that since I'm one of the few single parents that is in this particular circle, I'm suddenly an "expert" on the subject.

For a very short while after my husband and I separated, I joined Match.com after a friend convinced me to put my profile on line. Not a good idea. I had to describe myself and what I was looking for in a potential partner. (Can I just say that if I couldn't get it right the first time, how in the heck was I supposed to know what I was looking for a second time? Or third? Or...)

I did not include a photo at first since I couldn't find one that I wanted to advertise to the world. But I soon learned that this was the only way I was going to get anyone interested in communicating with me.

A few men showed interest but once I saw their photo - I didn't even read their profile. I grew very disappointed with the prospects. A couple of men asked me to send them a photo. I did and, of course, never heard from them again.

Once my photo was on line I started to get a ridiculous number of emails from older men. And by older, I mean 15 or more years older. No, thank you. Needless to say, my on line profile did not last long.

I've dated a few men in the last year but only those that I first met in real life. What I forgot about the dating scene that is so wonderful is the physical aspect of it. And by that I mean eye contact, seeing his reaction to what I'm saying or how his voice changes when he talks to me. None of this could be done on line.

It's nice to be able to lean in close when talking and smell his cologne, hold his hand as we're walking next to each other or brush my lips gently against his as we say goodbye to one another.

The sparks that fly between two people are what makes dating so exciting. Regardless of whether we end up with someone temporarily or for an extended period of time, the truth is, we all enjoy a little affection and knowing that someone is interested in what we have to say.

On line dating is not for me, although I have heard of people who have had great success, fallen in love and are now married. Will they end up in the storybooks like the others who live happily ever after? Who knows?

What I do know is that I look forward to dating, to hold hands with someone who makes me laugh, who respects me, and who listens to what I have to say.

Thanks to Grandma J for sharing this adorable video!

Bite Marks

My 3.75-year-old son bit me this past weekend. Not that he's never done this before but this time he left a mark, a very large bite mark that has now turned into a major bruise. It turned black and blue instantly, but is currently an ugly yellow and is not looking as though it will begin to fade for quite some time.

As a newly Certified Parent Educator through the International Network of Families and Children (INCAF) I think it's only fitting that I start out this blog by saying that no one is perfect. Neither parent nor child are going to go through life without conflict and frustration. That would take away all of the fun, right?

I am a perfectionist, however, so my intention is to help other parents learn from my (plethora of) mistakes by using my own examples in the Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB) 5-week course and individual workshops that are offered through my newly formed company (and the name of this blog), Happy Healthy Hip Parenting (HHH).

Somehow, I feel as though admitting to having made mistakes along the way will not only help ease my guilt, but to also provide an atmosphere where the participants in my course look to me as a peer and not someone standing in front of them telling them what to do or how to be a better parent. Because, after all, each child is unique and each situation will require a different solution. I am here to offer a supportive and open environment where parents learn new skills, learn from one another, and learn more about themselves and their children.

I also think this will help me to learn to laugh at myself more often because they say that laughter is the best medicine and I am all about self-medication! ;^)