Urgent Care (or the Tale of the Missing Condom)

Even though I was at BlogHer this year and attended several seminars and sat in on a few panels, I was not present for the reading of Knotty Yarn's Stuck in the Middle with You. Danielle read the entire blog post during her keynote speech and I am kind of glad I wasn't there cause I would've probably pissed myself from laughing so hard and then I'd end up telling everyone around me about the time that I had to go to Urgent Care for a similar situation (you know, to distract them from the fact that I had wet myself).

Oh hell, it's an awesome story and one that I can't believe has not been shared yet. So here goes:

It was the first time I had sex with this particular individual and it had been a long time for me (dry spell). I was incredibly turned on and it was completely-spontaneous-in-the-middle-of-the-afternoon type sex and everything was going well - until it was over.

After sex, I typically lay there in the afterglow and enjoy the sensation of being naked and not having a care in the world (as opposed to being naked in front of the mirror) but this time, that moment of calm was interrupted by what he said.

"I think the condom slipped off." He said it so casually that it took me a second to register what he was trying to say. Once I did, I could hardly relax. My first thought went to what day of the month it was, quickly followed by: Was I ovulating? Was the pill 99% effective with or without a condom? I couldn't remember and I was panicking and not even thinking about the sex anymore or how good it wasn't. All I could think about was, Could I be pregnant already?

As I stood up and looked at him (standing in front of me, naked, and with an odd expression on his face), I realized that he was more freaked out than I was. I started to get dressed and was thinking about the Morning After Pill and what I would have to do in order to get a hold of one, when I noticed that he was tearing the sheets off the bed. And that's when I realized that what he really meant to say was, "The condom is missing."

We both started to look under the bed and tossed aside the clothes that lay on the floor around us. "Where is it?" I said. "It's gotta be around here somewhere," he responded.

It was nowhere to be found. The only logical place it could possibly be was inside. Me.

I went to the bathroom to try and fish it out (seriously, Danielle, I feel your pain here). By the time I finally gave up on the search, my female bits were sore and I was seriously not in the mood to even face my new partner.

I was pissed. In fact, my partner would say (if we were still speaking), that he wanted to leave at that moment because I was acting like such a bitch. I was embarrassed, annoyed and freaked out (still thinking about the possibility of conception).

We went to bed that night with our backs to each other. I was not going to let him touch me again. After all, imagine what else could happen down there? I was seriously behaving like a child, blaming him for 'losing' the condom instead of laughing about such a crazy situation (which I laughed about the next day).

I went to Urgent Care the next morning although I made sure to call ahead. See, I've been there before and I know about that little window in the tiny waiting room that you're required to speak through when you check in. The receptionist asks you what you're there for and I was prepared to not have to explain it to her and the handful of strangers sitting there.

Over the phone, I told her why I was coming in. "I had sex last night and the condom disappeared. I think it's stuck inside me." I made sure to explain that I would not be able to say that out loud when I got there. I think she was laughing at me when she hung up the phone.

When I arrived, the woman behind the desk asked me what I was there for (I swear, she should've recognized my embarrassment), so I said, "I'm the one who just called. About the situation. You know. That I can't say." She nodded (fighting back a laugh) and said, "A nurse practitioner will be with you shortly." I sat down and everyone in the waiting room stared, wondering what I was there for and why it was too scary to say out loud and should they be sitting so close to me?

Apparently, getting a condom (or anything else) stuck inside you is sort of a big deal, cause I was called back pretty much right away and as I stood up, everyone in the room looked up at me, either thinking that they were glad they didn't have what I had or jealous because they still had to wait for their emergency care.

Once I was with the practitioner, I was much less concerned about an unplanned pregnancy and was sort of intrigued when she started telling me about "other" things that "people'' have gotten stuck inside them (notice how she didn't say 'women' or 'vagina'). My imagination was on overdrive as she removed the condom and provided it to me as evidence (I asked to see it) so I could relax and return to my regular scheduled program.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Now what? What's next? Where do we go from here? These are the questions I asked myself as I sat crying in the airport after saying goodbye to the man I spent the last five days with. The man I gave my heart to years ago. The conversations and moments that we shared were long overdue but perfect in every way. Except for the sunburn.

I thought about sharing every detail here and relive the exact moment when we made that next step, the words that we spoke, the way he tasted and felt, but I also want to keep the memory of these events in a special place - between the two of us. Because it was a very special occasion, consummating our relationship after being friends (with much sexual tension between us) for fifteen years. Not that I've been keeping track or anything...

He got the approval from my friends and my son but now he's gone. The five days went by so quickly and now it's a big reality check for the both of us and I'm back to the same questions that I do not know the answers to just yet. What's next? Where do we go from here?

Lady in Waiting

Dating while having a young son is a little challenging at times. He hears things (overhears things) and is exposed to conversations that give him a tiny bit of insight about how it all works.

I have a male friend coming in town tonight. My son asked me earlier if I have a crush on him. The question startled me, and I couldn't help but smile, and I know he assumed this meant 'yes.'

When I asked him to explain what it meant to have a crush, he said, "It's when you like someone."

"Then, yes, I suppose I do have a crush on him."

Seconds later he asked if there was going to be more boys or girls tonight. I assume he meant when my friend joins us, so I said, "There's going to be more boys than girls."

I can't even tell you how excited he was when he heard that. In a celebratory tone he stated, "I have a crush on him too, then." See, he's still in that phase of thinking that girls have cooties and he can only be friends with other boys.

I so want him to stay in this stage for a long time, considering how quickly young people grow up these days and get involved in sexual relationships much too early (in my opinion).

But then again, if he's going to learn about dating and what it means to respect, love and treat someone with affection, then I want to be the one to show him that. I want him to continue to ask me questions, because I know that he feels comfortable saying anything, (in front of anyone), no matter how much it embarrasses his mom.

Food & Relationships

I was talking to some of my single mom friends the other day about relationships. This was during lunch, of course, and one of the women - who is a bit older and much wiser - started talking about how we tend to view relationships the same way in which we view food.

Now, I know this sounds crazy but bear with me. She had a good point, in that she tends to eat two big meals a day, starving herself in between and not snacking or thinking about food until her body's ready to have a meltdown. Interestingly enough, her boyfriend lives out of state so she sees him every other weekend, spending time with him 24/7 for those few days before returning to her "normal life" and focusing on what needs to be done here before she's able to see him again.

Others I know tend to eat only at fine restaurants and spend a lot of money on organic foods, not allowing themselves to step foot inside a fast food restaurant or eating diet soda, or anything else unnatural. They know what they want - the finer things in life - and damn it, the men in their lives know it too!

Another friend of mine eats small snacky foods all day, healthy or not. She also likes to date many men at one time, not really ready to commit just yet to a full meal, so to speak.

And then there's me. Now, I have interesting eating habits which change from time to time and that could be also true of the relationships I have. Sometimes, I'll be really healthy and eat foods that are good for me (dating men who bring out my strengths and can recognize who I am) while there have certainly been times in my life where my eating habits have been horrible. Times when I'd eat junk food and drink way too much, and guess what? The men in my life at those times were also not good for me and drank way too much as well.

Nothing's wrong with any of the above scenarios although you can certainly see how some situations are not as good for us as others. We're all different, thank goodness, and needing different things, and people, in our lives. The point here isn't to try to change how you eat or who you date, but to just be aware.

If you're in a healthy relationship and are putting healthy foods into your body, chances are you can see how this affects you. Take a look at your relationships and the way you eat to determine what changes you could make, in either department, to make sure you are treating yourself to the best that's available.

Happy eating!

Become Your Own Matchmaker

The other night, I caught a marathon of the Millionaire Matchmaker, which is one of the best shows out there. Bravo hosts some great TV, from the Flippin' Out crew to the Real Housewives of NYC, Orange County and Atlanta, but Patti Stanger is my personal favorite. I couldn't wait to get to the bookstore today to pick up her new book, Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate, which she co-wrote with Lisa Johnson Mandell.

Without giving away too much of the book, I do want to share some great quotes that I pulled from Stanger. She's a very successful, beautiful and smart individual. Listen up!

“As soon as you say, ‘I’m not going to date for a while,’ the bus unloads. Don’t go out with them, but make sure you take reservations. Remember, the best restaurants are booked weeks in advance, why not you? You’re worth waiting for.”


“Think of yourself as a great wine – you’re only getting better and more valuable with age. When the right occasion comes along and that wine is uncorked, it will be the best, most delicious nectar the lucky partaker has ever experienced. But that will only happen if happiness is a major ingredient.”


“If you feel sexy, you’re more inclined to look sexy. Sexy is a confident, fun loving, happy, sensuous, approachable state of mind that no man can resist.”

“Don’t think of him as the prize for which you’re competing against hundreds of other women. YOU are the prize, and HE needs to please you just as much as you need to please him.”

Happy Dating!

Ditching Mr. Wrong

If you're a single woman looking for a lifelong partner, time is precious. If you want to have children, you have a biological deadline and a lot at stake in finding a suitable man. Even if you don't want kids, who wants to waste time on the journey toward a happy and lasting relationship? Yet too many smart women spend months or even years dating men who are clearly wrong for them.

Ditching Mr. Wrong: How to End a Bad Relationship and Find Mr. Right, a new book by Nicholas Aretakis, is for them. Based on interviews with hundreds of singles about relationships and the dating game, Ditching Mr. Wrong is a wake-up call for women who are ready to take a hard look at their relationships and get rid of boyfriends who will never be Mr. Right.

When you buy Ditching Mr. Wrong between March 25th and March 28th, 2009 from the link below, you will get it at a great discount and receive many gifts and bonuses with it, such as the chance to purchase Nicholas Aretakis's other book, No More Ramen: The 20-Something's Real World Survival Guide: Straight Talk on Jobs, Money, Balance, Life, and More, at half-price, exclusive excerpts and downloadable copies of books. Your purchase will automatically enter you into a drawing to win one of 11 books from renowned authors. Remember, this offer is good only for four days!

VIEW THE PAGE, BUY THE BOOK AND CLAIM YOUR GIFTS!

http://rebeccasreads.com/eParties/BookLaunchAretakisDitchingMrWrong.html

From the Rebeccas Reads review of Ditching Mr. Wrong, by Kam Aures:

"I really believe that "Ditching Mr. Wrong" would be a beneficial read to anyone who is having difficulty in finding "Mr. Right." Aretakis's book is fun to read, and the advice given is sound. The information is presented in a clear, straightforward manner, and I think that all single women out there will find very helpful in aiding their relationship decisions."

Single Moms at Single Dads

I just discovered a new resource for single parents. Single Dad, founded by a man who shares my area code, is an online community which provides articles, blogs and event listings. Basically, it's a social networking site dedicated to fathers who just so happen to be raising their children on their own (or at least sharing the job with a single mom).

I've been looking for a site like this for single moms, but I don't think they'll kick me out if I register. A mutual friend, author of Single Mom Seeking, Rachel Sarah, has volunteered to help out Single Dad by providing insight into the life of a single mom.

If you have questions you'd like Rachel to answer, head on over to the Dating and Single Moms page to submit your questions.

Why Men Marry

I'm feeling it today. The long week and lack of sleep is affecting me and I'm having major writer's block.

I've been scanning articles and blog posts on line all week, trying to gather some inspiration for an original, thoughtful and humorous post. But, I'm afraid I've got nothing.

Writer's block happens to the best of us. Luckily, there's several articles that I did find that not only include great lists (I love lists), but appeal to me as a single woman. I say this because I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for in a man, but I'm pretty sure I'd like to eventually meet a guy comfortable enough to check out the same sites that I do, namely What Men Need to Know and Husbands and Dads.

I'm not saying that guys I meet need to be married with children (seriously), but I do think that there are certain men out there who also want to eventually be in a committed relationship and are looking to meet other men to act as mentors. I appreciate the insight found at Husbands and Dads and of course, the humor found at What Men Need to Know.

If you are a man (or woman) preparing for marriage, or want to confirm the reasons why your married friends are encouraging you to find that special someone, you've found a great resource at the site where it's cool to be a family man.

I was a bit disappointed that Having Sex Wearing Nothing but Socks was not on the list of 15 Things that Guys Do that Drive Women Nuts. Oh well, perhaps I should work on a list of my own.

Oh, and in case anyone's wondering. My "not a date" from last weekend is taking me out for our first date tomorrow evening. I'll have my report Sunday. Now pardon me while I head over to study up on the 10 Surefire First Date Conversation Tips.

Words of Wisdom

Things have changed since I was in high school and certainly since my parents were teenagers. Young people today are constantly "connected" and social networking has changed the way people meet, date and get to know one another.

One thing that I noticed is that my perception, of myself and the world, has changed quite drastically since I was young.

My life experiences have made me more confident, more comfortable and because of this, more attractive. I'm not afraid to look someone in the eye and say this and I hope that all young women will embrace this knowledge for themselves:

A woman should not expect to feel special because a man treats her well. She should expect a man to treat her well because she is special.

Chick Flicks that Guys Will Enjoy

I have a hard time believing that most guys would enjoy a chick flick but I do know that there are those who will sit through them in order to placate their date.

Here, then, are the top ten chick flicks for guys:

1. When Harry Met Sally
   
2. Breakfast at Tiffany's
   
3. Once
   
4. Amelie
   
5. Say Anything
   
6. The Break-Up
   
7. Legends of the Fall
   
8. The Notebook
   
9. Thelma & Louise
   
10. There's Something About Mary
    

Now, I don't know about you, but there are a few on this list that I have to argue wouldn't be considered chick flicks in my book. There are even more that I feel some men would not be willing to sit through - even with a promise of hot sex afterward.

What's your opinion?

Interview with Cindy Lu, author of The Four Man Plan

I read dozens of books a month. I read for work and for pleasure. I read to entertain myself, to escape and to educate myself or to distract me from reality. I read The Four Man Plan at a time in my life when I felt comfortable. I had finalized my divorce, I had been getting to know a man who was quite special to me and I read the book from an outside perspective. I had no idea at the time where I would be in twelve months or further down the road.

Here I sit, after having interviewed Cindy Lu and received her brutally honest insight into the history of my relationships and where I will be after following The Four Man Plan. This book will be around for a long time to come. I say this because I feel that women of all ages will find it useful and most likely, need to pick up the book time and again after not-so-successful results due to the experimental nature of dating.

I'm bringing up this book again because I feel that single parents are missing out on the opportunity to find love because we are so focused on our children and managing our schedules and energy that we tend to believe that our relationship with our child or children is enough.

Cindy helped me realize that this is exactly the case for me. After our on line chat, I've realized that many of the points in the book need to be tattooed to my forehead, like:

Believing that your future love is "out there somewhere and will find me someday!" is about as practical as believing that about your lunch or your next paycheck.

If women decide as a gender that we deserve to be treated with honor and respect, then men will react accordingly and rise up as a gender to meet our requirements.

No one man is responsible for your happiness. That is a solo project. The happier you are with yourself, the better the partner you will be adding to your life.

Cindy seems to have grown up with the same ideas about love and boys (and men) as I did. Just like me, Cindy daydreamed about Ponch and Chaci and wanted to find someone just like her dad (if only to change him, make him fall in love with her, and stay with her forever).

Using several theories to create The Four Man Plan, Cindy compares the plan to a round of golf: "Each player, or in the case of The 4MP, each Plan Man, is on the course simultaneously, doing his individual best. Every once in a while, a glance at the leader board or a roar from a distant crowd lets them know they better step up their game. This is a gentleman's game of finesse and self-regulation, not a contact sport."

Be sure to head to the FourManPlan and visit the FOURum often to chat with Cindy and other 4MPlanners. If you're interested in what Cindy had to say during our on line discussion, keep reading:

cindylu	Hi!!
Hip_M0M	Let's get this interview started!
cindylu	Fire away!
Hip_M0M	since I first mentioned your book on my blog, I've received several email messages, from men (who are married) and single parents who want to incorporate this Plan into their lives. Is that even possible, in your experience?
cindylu	Single parents definitely, married men, not so much, that's exactly the kind of behavior we're trying to AVOID.
cindylu	But, I do like the idea of reframing our minds around the fact that our partners cannot be EVERYTHING to us.
Hip_M0M	Alright. Let's focus on catering the Plan to single parents (women in particular).
cindylu	Yes, let's focus on our single moms!
Hip_M0M	You’ve mentioned before that it's important for single moms to set aside a quarter of their time for their children. Is it just as important to set aside another quarter for herself?
cindylu	Oh, I think more than a quarter! I think the Mantris Graph is its own kind of "vision board."
cindylu	So for my single moms, they block off a WHOLE space, for their kids and themselves.
cindylu	I even have busy career women block off spaces, too. Whatever you need.
Hip_M0M	What would you suggest as far as getting started and including my intentions in the graph?
cindylu	Ok, let's talk about you!
cindylu	My first question is, what is it that you want? To get married again? To stay single? To have a monogamous relationship?
Hip_M0M	I would love to have a man in my life, eventually, who would be a life partner and who would want to bring a child into the world. I have a son and would like to have at least one more. I have plenty of time. I'm in no hurry.
cindylu	So, Hip_M0M. Here's what I've got for you.
cindylu	If you were to fill in a Mantris Graph, which I suggest you do, as I suggest all my 4MPlanners do...
cindylu	Put your ex-hubby in the box with your son. He's now a part of your "family" but no longer a relationship potential, yes?
Hip_M0M	Definitely no romantic feelings there or potential for reconciliation.
cindylu	So you have a 2 1/4, your booty call guy.
cindylu	You have a Quarter Guy in your long distance Man.
cindylu	So what to do with your free Half Man?
Hip_M0M	Good question. I'd like someone who I can run with, catch a movie with, and enjoy a good conversation or dinner.
Hip_M0M	A "date" guy!
cindylu	You haven't experienced a true teammate yet, I'm guessing.
Hip_M0M	Nope.
cindylu	So, you are working on a puzzle without the box on the cover.
cindylu	You have to rewire yourself, date by date, experience by experience.
cindylu	Women, people, run from themselves when they cannot accept love.
cindylu	Worrying about hurting another's feelings is always a cover for something else.
cindylu	I would guess that for you it's that you have a hard time speaking your truth and getting reactions from it.
cindylu	The Four Man Plan will help you practice having the "hard conversations."
cindylu	Which they say, the person that is most successful is the one most comfortable having difficult conversations....
cindylu	That takes practice!
cindylu	It's just that now you must see each man as a teacher. It's great to work with people you already know, already have a pattern with and try to shift it.
cindylu	It gives you the affirmations that you need as you try to move through the world in a completely different way but with the same people.
cindylu	It's about UNSUCKING at love!
cindylu	If you do the Plan, stuff comes up week by week, and you see the evidence right in front of your face, which takes it out of the theorizing mind and into the real world.
cindylu	These are the kinds of beliefs that will slowly or suddenly shift!
cindylu	You have to decide what you want to change and then lay the bricks.
cindylu	It's work, but that's the fun we have on the 4MP.
cindylu	You want a match!
cindylu	You want a hero!
cindylu	You deserve it!
Hip_M0M	So, where do I find this guy? I know he’s out there.
cindylu	He's out there, for sure.
cindylu	You're just turning over the wrong rocks.
cindylu	Your hoo-ha has bad taste!
cindylu	You wouldn't let your kid eat McDonalds every day, even though he likes it!
cindylu	We often say in the Forum to be a better parent to yourself.
cindylu	I know there are things you let yourself do that you know are bad for you that you would tell your son, absolutely NOT!
Hip_M0M	Yes, I need to be more disciplined with my relationship, that’s for sure.
cindylu	That's why we use the structure. It helps!
Hip_M0M	So, many of my readers are not familiar with your book or will want to know how to get started.
cindylu	The easiest way of course, is for them to get the book.
Hip_M0M	And for women who are convinced that they have no time to date one man, let alone four, what do you tell them?
cindylu	Most women spend time OBSESSING about one man.
cindylu	Dating four and having your wits about you and a tried and true system actually saves you time.
cindylu	It's the chaos that takes up time.
cindylu	But of course, every woman does the Plan at her own pace.
cindylu	"Four" men is really just a metaphor for NOT one man, so that women can discover the patterns are within THEM, not the man they are focused on changing.
cindylu	The 4MPlan is a way for women to make themselves the "project." And then at some point along the way, when they discover that they love themselves first, the Right Man, a Hero Man, steps into the picture.
Hip_M0M	So how did you come up with this Plan? What was your dating experience like before the Plan?
cindylu	Well, all that's in the book. But I truly SUCKED at love, and it was a ride that I wanted to get off of.
cindylu	I realized that I needed to "parent" myself somehow, discipline my hoo-ha.
cindylu	So I created a system based on the best advice I'd ever gotten but couldn't follow.
cindylu	I needed it to be a system so that when my resistance came up, I still knew what I needed to do.
Hip_M0M	so what was the best advice you received that you never followed?
cindylu	The biggest one was what became the Wait For Sex Index.
Hip_M0M	That’s where you say, “The more time you spend with a man without having sex, the more you will intrigue him, the greater potential he will see in you, and the more he will do to get himself into the end zone.”
cindylu	Basically, a woman once shook me by the shoulders after I had been treated badly AGAIN and said, "Don't you know? A man will only be as nice to you as he needed to be to sleep with you the first time?"
cindylu	It took me 5 years more of "practice" and gathering data before I finally GOT it.
cindylu	When it's all laid out in front of you, and you do it like an experiment, it becomes undeniable.
cindylu	That's why the plan works. First the lesson, then the proof.
Hip_M0M	Last question: with your husband - how long did you know him before having sex with him?
cindylu	I knew him for 5 months. But we weren't dating for 4 of those...
cindylu	I lucked into it!
Hip_M0M	Amazing. Congratulations!
cindylu	Thanks so much for your time and openness.
Hip_M0M	Thank YOU!
cindylu	You seem like the perfect 4MPlanner: honest, loving and willing.
cindylu	Join us in the Forum! You can pick a secret super hero name to keep it anonymous if you want!
cindylu	it will be our little secret!
cindylu	love to you and your boy.
cindylu	xxoxo
Hip_M0M	Alright, Cindy. Thanks so much for your time, advice & inspiration.

Yes, Cindy did tell me that my hoo-ha has bad taste. She also told me that I need to be a better parent to myself. She's got great advice for every woman that will help change their perspectives on dating and the way they see themselves. We all deserve true love and happiness so I encourage every woman who thinks she sucks at love to check out The Four Man Plan and join this new Dating Revolution.

Happy Being Single

It's interesting to see how single women and men, with or without children, seem to always be questioned about their relationship status. My friends from college joined me last night for drinks. There were five us there and each of us had quite a unique situation going on in our lives and each one of us was perfectly content with the way things are going.

I chat an awful lot about my personal relationships so readers know that I'm content being single, and am still having many of my needs met from different sources in my life. Let me share with you the status of the four friends that were at my table.

One friend is married. He has a toddler and Baby #2 on the way. Another friend is engaged and getting ready to start her life in a new city with her future husband. Another friend is preparing for her wedding next year. They have been together for about a decade and have a son together. They've been living as a married couple for many years but are making it official next summer. And last, but certainly not least, there was a friend there who is also single. He has no children, has never been married and is not dating anyone at the moment.

Each one of our situations and experiences are quite unique. Each one of us is pretty honest and open about the way our lives have turned out and brought us to the place we are now. I am so pleased that we have been able to keep in touch and that we all make time to get together every once in a while to catch up.

Since my single friend and I had much in common - between people asking us about marriage and whether or not we'll settle down with anyone and questions about kids and whether or not we see babies in our future, I decided to talk to him about being single.

The two of us continued the conversation after the others at the table went home. He and I discussed how satisfied we are with our lives right now and the idea that somehow every one is meant to have a life partner doesn't quite work for us.

I think that, for me, I was always meant to be alone. And being alone no longer equates to loneliness. I admit, there are times I feel lonely and yearn for people who are far away, or miss having someone to wake up with each morning, but for the most part, I enjoy single life.

I like dating and getting to know people and having them in my life for certain periods of time and for different reasons. I am not actively looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with or be a dad figure to my son. I would be perfectly happy if I were in the same position by the time I turn forty.

There is one thing that I do think about changing with regards to my family. I would like to have a second child someday. Perhaps even a third. Do I start trying to conceive now so my son would be five when I have the second, or do I wait until a man comes along that is willing to help me raise a child?

Many men, and women, choose to be single parents from day one. There's a term for them. They're called intentionally single parents and while I don't think I would ever label myself this way if I did decide to raise another baby on my own, I do think that there needs to be more support for these types of families.

I think I'll throw it out there to the men in my life, the fact that I want to have another baby someday. Actually, most of them already know that I wouldn't mind having a second. What I don't think I've shared with them is that I wouldn't mind taking on that job solo. I wonder how many men would be willing to be a donor, willing to help me make this happen while being able to step aside and let me play Mom one more time.

What do you think? Is this a selfish decision that one makes or is this me craving a baby because I'm spending time this week with my 8 week old nephew? The jury's still out on what will happen next and I don't like living in absolutes. I'd be curious to know what readers think.

For Those Who Give a Tweet

WARNING: If you're one of the men involved in my Four Man Plan, you may not want to continue reading. And, if you do, you may not want to continue to participate. Either way, I thank you for being here for me.

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that there are many things left unsaid that would take me many more than 140 characters to explain. I'll answer the recent questions here.

If you don't give a tweet, skip on back to read my review of The Four Man Plan before returning to this post.

by Cindy Lu

Back to The Four Man Plan: A Romantic Science and how I've implemented the plan into my life. You see, back in February, I read the book for the first time and thought to myself, I already do these things, and my life continued with no major changes on my part, or so I thought.

Little did I know that I was implementing elements from the book by simply changing the way I viewed each relationship. The Four Man Plan is amazing. Truly.

Currently, I do have men in my life that fill my needs, each catering to a different need that I have. There's one that supports me and helps me financially, due to the fact that I am the mother of his child. Then there's another man who I am having an emotional affair with. We communicate several times a day (he's several states away). He is the one man in my life whom I truly love (in every sense of the word). I have someone in my life who fulfills my physical needs (you know exactly what this means!) and yet another who is my drinking buddy. We watch bad Reality TV together and bitch about the state of our nation. We also get into political discussions, but then again, I have those discussions with just about anyone.

UPDATE: The drinking buddy mentioned above has been eliminated. Read comments below to learn about his replacement.

The point of The Four Man Plan is to give yourself more options in life. And by options, I mean men. Dating one person at one time (in my opinion) does nothing other than provide you with a false sense of security. You become attached to one another and even if that person is only filling half your needs, you feel content. Meanwhile, your other needs are being neglected until one day you finally realize what's been missing and you both end up with heartache and ugly feelings which cause you to drift apart.

Before you make any judgments, I have to say that I was a bit unclear at first about the idea of "dating" four men at one time. The thing with my situation is that I'm not really dating anyone right now. I have four very unique relationships with four very unique individuals who happen to be men. The fact that they know about one another (for the most part) makes it that much more enjoyable. I don't have to worry about my reputation because there is nothing going on that I can't tell my mom about (she's my number one reader here after all - Hi Mom!).

If you're married or in a committed relationship, then this might not work for you. Although you never know. If your partner trusts you and you trust him/her, why not pick up this book and read it together? I'm not talking about an open marriage, of course, where each person is "allowed" to have sex with other people. I'm talking about having friends and companions of the opposite sex while having nothing to do with sex at all.

Having a small, yet tight-knit circle of friends is great. What's more amazing is when you can free yourself by allowing others in and have separate groups of friends from different walks of life that you can relate to.

There are many of you reading this that are saying to yourself, "Duh, I have friends like this already." I applaud those of you who may have a strong and trusting relationship that allows for these types of friendships to exist. Sadly, many do not.

Getting to the point, finally, I want to reiterate the fact that we all have different - and many - needs. There are some people in our lives that are not capable of ever fulfilling them, or are not willing to try. So, again, this is where the idea comes from that having different people in your life who play different roles can be inspiring, exciting and satisfying.

The lucky ones - and there are many - will find that one person who can fulfill every desire. Of course, the purpose of The Four Man Plan, is to narrow down the prospects so you can find that one person who is willing and able to satisfy your every desire.

I encourage everyone who is currently single to implement this plan.

Good luck and have fun!

How Sexually Experienced Are You?

Mingle2 - How Sexually Experienced Are You?15

I took the above quiz to determine how my sexual experience compares to those my age. It was interesting to see the results. While I am not a member of Mingle2, I do think it's a fabulous site to find information and humorous dating cartoons, such as 9 Reasons Not to Date a Tyrannosaurus Rex. A new on line friend, @SeanMarler, introduced me to the site, which is definitely a dating site for those who don't take themselves - or life - too seriously.

Here are the stats that might be of interest to you as far as who is more sexually experienced (on average):

• Men vs Women

• Bloggers vs Non-bloggers

• Sports fans vs non-sports fans

• Drinkers vs Non-drinkers

• Boxers vs Briefs

• Mac users vs PC users

• Liberals vs Conservatives

• Gay vs Straight

• Religious vs Non-religious

Looking for stats based on geography?

• Most promiscuous cities in the US

• Most promiscuous states in the US

• Least promiscuous cities in the US

• Least promiscuous states in the US

You may also enjoy:
Top 10 Worst Movies to See on a First Date
Ten Ways Being a Geek Makes You More Attractive
The Singles Map
Things I Love/Hate About Being Single

Must Love Kids on TLC

I've been wondering when this reality show would appear. Must Love Kids is a dating show for single moms. Three thirtysomething moms look for Mr. Right but he must be ready to jump into family life.

I haven't seen the show yet, but I'll be watching to see how things go. You can watch Episode One now!

If the show doesn't exploit the children, I might look into nominating myself for a future season. Unless there are any matchmakers out there...(hint, hint).

Better Than Sex (In the City)

A 25 year old male Daily Bedpost reader wants to know what there is in NYC to keep him busy (and sex-free) for 100 days. Poor guy. Why, oh why, would anyone do such a thing? I've heard about the couple who vowed to have sex every day for 100 days, but no sex at all? I'm curious about his guidelines to his experiment.

Speaking of sex, over at What Men Think (one of my favorite blogs), casual sex is the topic discussed today.

Casual sex can lead to unplanned pregnancies, which is the case for the woman who wrote Accidentally on Purpose: A One-Night Stand, My Unplanned Parenthood, and Loving the Best Mistake I Ever Made. I'll be reviewing this memoir by Mary F. Pols in the next few weeks.

Apparently, single moms are on the rise and many suggest that this is due to the high divorce rates and women choosing to have children on their own.

I couldn't let a day go by without a top ten list, or on line quiz so here's both: Top Ten Signs You're a Working Mom followed by What Hand Gesture Are You? And if you're not convinced that your only child will remain an only child, check out this post on Dating an Only Child.

Show and Tell

It has become a mission of mine to find - and share - the humorous, insightful and delightful blog posts that are posted on the web relating to parenting, relationships, sex and psychology. Here's several that I discovered from the last few days:

• Subtle Differences Between Siblings
• Condom Popsicles
• Why Gender Doesn't Matter
• Friends with Benefits
• Tweens and Teens Experiencing Abuse in Dating Relationships?

Sex Talk

There are a lot of discussions around the blogosphere relating to sex and relationships. Here are a few that I recently discovered:

• 10 Reasons You're Not Having Sex - This article was written by a woman and for women since two of the ten reasons have to do with "your man." That I find this more interesting than the article itself is reason #11 as to why I'm not having sex.
  
• Synchronized Sex - It's not what you think.
• 12 Secrets to Better Orgasms - One of my favorite quotes ever: The best orgasms I've ever had were those I gave myself. This article, however, refers to sex with a partner.
  
• 5 Tips to Better Sex and Sleep
• 5 More Tips to Better Sex and Sleep
• Post Your Dating Confessions Here
• How to Make Love Grow
• 11 Fun (and Sexy) Things to Do with a Man
• The Perfect Bedroom Playlist - Music to put you in the mood
• Second Annual Sex Awards
• 5 Things to Learn About a Person Before Making a Commitment

Interested in helping me out with my upcoming parenting workshop, Let's Talk About Sex? Kindly take the time to fill out the questionnaire (answers will be kept confidential) and return to me via email of fax. Pass along the link to your friends and family members as well. I am hoping for responses from both men and women of all ages. Participants will earn fabulous incentives for helping out (provided you allow me a way to contact you).