Interview with The Successful Single Mom

I had the pleasure with speaking to Honorée Capron about her latest book, The Successful Single Mom. Here are some of the highlights from the interview:

HipM0M: Honorée, thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me today. I recently discovered your book, The Successful Single Mom and I thought, I’m a successful single mom. The book appealed to me and I want all single moms to feel successful, too. Can you tell me how you came up with the idea for putting this book together?

SSM: Being a single mom is the toughest job. I don’t know if you’re a single mom…

HipM0M: I am!

SSM: Ok, so you know! It’s the hardest job times 500,000! ... I was watching the Oprah show last May and she had some people on, and they were kind of emulating the show, “Ten Years Younger,” and they were talking about how these women had kind of let themselves go and what was the impetus for letting themselves go. And the woman that they introduced - it was the third woman, I believe - she came out and she was introduced by Oprah’s staff as being a single mom. And Oprah says, “She focuses on bringing home the money and taking care of the children. Of course she is last on her list.” And I thought, well I’m a single mom and I’ve been a single mom for six years…I never let myself go and I then I said, wait a second. Yes I did. I went through a tough time.

And I wondered if there was a book about making it through being a single mom that could’ve helped me get through that tough time and helped me feel successful and so I Googled and Amazoned and I couldn’t really find anything that really fit that criteria for me that would’ve been a book that helped me through the process, so I decided to write the book...from a coaching standpoint, but also, I had the experience of being a single mom.

HipM0M: What seems to be the number one challenge for the single moms that you’ve worked with?

SSM: Trying to do it all themselves, not asking for help, not creating a support system.

HipM0M: I definitely agree. I see that quite often. Now, why do you think that is? Why do you think single moms feel intimidated, or whatever it may be, to ask for help.?What is it about our personalities or just being a Mom that makes us feel we have to do it all? I mean, have you found the answer to that?

SSM: I think so! I think that we already have a list (of things to do that is) really long and if someone came and asked us for something we would be fine with it. We are so used to saying, “Yes.” As women we’re going to say yes, right? Because we’re taught to say yes to everything. But we also know that asking for help from someone else would mean that they would be adding to their To-Do list so we’re hesitant to ask for something from others but we would be fine with others asking us. In my work with moms, I encourage them to ask for what they need, which is something I wrote about in my latest blog post, Help a Sister Out.

HipM0M: I see that besides the printed edition of The Successful Single Mom, you can also purchase an e-book and the 100-Day Transformation Program. Can you tell me about what that is?

SSM: I actually started with the 100-Day Program. At 19, I created a 100-Day Program for myself. It was basically 100 Days, 3 Goals, a vision for each of those 100 days and things that I wanted to work on.

I then started using it about 5 years ago, I figured out that… single moms don’t want a big 350-page book. 100 pages is plenty…a quick book with a lot of meat.

I decided to see if this program would work for other single moms so I actually picked other single moms and coached them all for a quarter and it worked. 100 days worked because it was long enough that they could build momentum, see the results … not so long that they felt like it was going on forever.

And we were able to actually see the results. On the last day we celebrated 100 Days and you could see the change in these women. The women actually looked different and were more positive and you could tell that their energy levels had increased.

HipM0M: How do you define success?

SSM: If the bills are paid, I have $5 leftover for a pizza, my child is happy, she sees a happy mom, if my husband is happy…It’s not about the things. I can have all the pretty shoes I want, but if I’m arguing with my husband or my daughter is not happy, I don’t feel successful.

HipM0M: You were a single mom for several years but recently remarried. Congratulations!

SSM: Thank you! I was single and celibate for three years! During that time, I focused on myself. My number one relationship was with myself and I was really protective of my time. But when I was finally ready to date, I knew that as I became more attractive to myself, I became more attractive to other people.

HipM0M: Single moms are often concerned about the right time and exactly how to introduce their significant other into their children’s lives. Can you share what worked for you, or what didn’t work for you?

SSM: I work with a lot of clients and have several friends so my daughter is used to meeting new people. On the second date I had with my current husband, we went back to my house to leso that my babysitter go home. Our first date was about 8 hours. This second date was about six so we had gotten to know each other pretty well by this time.

I introduced him to my daughter and they got to spend time together for about 15 minutes, very briefly but as I was tucking her in that night she said, "I hope he stays your friend.” Kids have that instinctive part of them that really allows them to tune into people, so I really wanted to see her first impression was of him and how he'd be around her.

The bottom line is, don’t introduce someone until you know they’re going to stick. And when you know – you just know!

HipM0M: Are you working on any projects right now?

SSM: Yes, in fact, you’re the first one to know – this is Breaking News: I’m working with a co-author on a cookbook – The Successful Single Mom Cooks! It’s going to be a recipe book filled with great menu ideas that from start to finish will be on your table in 20 minutes.

HipM0M: This is great news, since I know I never want to eat the same things, or at the same time as my son. It’s challenging!

SSM: Right! No more franks and beans or the same old thing each night.

HipM0M: I look forward to that and to letting my readers know about your book, The Successful Single Mom. Is there anything else you want to share?

SSM: I have a group page on Facebook so that single moms can connect with one another. I also just want to acknowledge single moms. If this book appeals to you, it’s because you’re already an amazing mom and you want to be able to continue to be successful. You should give yourself a pat on the back!

If you take care of yourself, you will be successful. I know that the happier I am, the happier my daughter is. If we can model this for our kids then they will be inspired and feel successful.

If you're a single mom, you are are success so raise your glass to you, and the other single moms who continue to inspire us all to be our best, take care of ourselves and support others on similar journeys.

Read more reviews for The Successful Single Mom:

Get Your Life Back and Your Game On!

Chicago Single Mom Examiner

Spending the Holidays On Your Own

Being single is never as lonely as when holiday season is here. Being a single parent is awful when our children spend the day with their other parent. Luckily, we're not alone. There are others out there who share this same predicament and there are great resources that provide support and suggestions for those of us spending holidays alone, or at least without our child.

A website that I just discovered today, Solo Dad, posted a wonderful list - 5 Ways to Have a Great Solo Thanksgiving.

For more great everyday tips and articles on single parenting, visit these great sites:
Single Mom - for single moms by choice or by chance
Single Mothers - resources for single moms
Single Moms - this site is for all single parents (both single moms and dads)
Single Father - resources for single dads
Just 4 Dads - resources and legal advice for single fathers

Are you a single parent looking to date another single parent - who understands your issues and schedule? There are several sites that offer dating services for single moms and dads:

Single Parent Meet
Single Moms and Dads
Single Parent Love
Single Parent Match
Single Parent Matcher
Parent Fishing - they'll hook you up!
Single Parents Mingle

If you're a single parent and have success stories - or horror stories - to share about these sites, please let us know.

Dating Tips

Yahoo! Personals offers great tips for dating and this holiday season, I'm definitely going to be taking advantage of these suggestions.

Dating Coach David Wygant offers articles and provides great examples for dating inspiration.

Since singles have a more difficult time with being on their own during the holiday season, it makes sense that more singles put themselves out there prior to Christmas so they're not standing under the mistletoe alone.

David's Five Reasons Why the Holiday Season is the Best Time to Date:
1) People have taken year end inventories
2) Christmas shopping
3) No one wants to spend New Year's Eve alone
4) Unlimited holiday events
5) Plan your own events

He also offers suggestions to single moms on how to jumpstart their dating lives under the following scenarios:
1) How to meet a man while your child is having a temper tantrum
2) You're trying to negotiate with your child in the grocery store
3) Meeting a single dad and his kids for a playdate
4) Online dating techniques
5) How to write your online profile
6) What not to say when you're on a date

David Wygant offers dating bootcamps and is also the author of Always Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life.

Proud Mama

Michael Phelps has made history with his 8 Gold Medals and a World Record. One medal after the other...

What's amazing to me is the fact that, not only was Michael diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but he was also raised (along with his two sisters) by a single mom.

This isn't unusual, really. Tom Cruise, Bill Clinton, and Bill Cosby were raised by single moms. Even Barack Obama was brought up in a single parent home.

What bothers me is that there's many different definitions of "single mom," and it's usually one that is the complete opposite of who I am.

I admit, my son's father and I went through a stressful and drawn-out divorce (due to me and my bitterness), but now, we get along great and I don't know what I'd do without his support. My son is with his dad right now, thousands of miles away. My son's father is more involved than many dads. We're lucky to have him.

Yes, I'm a single mom, which - to me - means that I am single and I am a mom. Nothing in those two words hint at whether or not there is a father figure in my son's life but, there is. My son has many men in his life that act as positive role models for him. Right now, my son is spending 8 days with his dad on the East Coast, while I teach a parenting course and visit my family and friends back home.

I get to meet my sister's youngest son (only 8 weeks old) for the first time today. I'm thrilled to finally meet him and spend the week spoiling him and his older brother. I haven't blogged about it much or talked about it only because it's difficult for me to be so far away but it gets easier as time goes by since I have so much to focus on, besides how quickly time flies by...while I'm having fun.

I am also going to spend time with my friends from college, meet my best friend's (from high school) fiance, and, of course, get caught up in my reading - both on line and in print.

I look forward to sharing my travel experiences here so stay tuned for stories from the Midwest, where people are known for being real, honest and sincere. Minnesota Nice. I can't wait to be back home.

Must Love Kids on TLC

I've been wondering when this reality show would appear. Must Love Kids is a dating show for single moms. Three thirtysomething moms look for Mr. Right but he must be ready to jump into family life.

I haven't seen the show yet, but I'll be watching to see how things go. You can watch Episode One now!

If the show doesn't exploit the children, I might look into nominating myself for a future season. Unless there are any matchmakers out there...(hint, hint).

Better Than Sex (In the City)

A 25 year old male Daily Bedpost reader wants to know what there is in NYC to keep him busy (and sex-free) for 100 days. Poor guy. Why, oh why, would anyone do such a thing? I've heard about the couple who vowed to have sex every day for 100 days, but no sex at all? I'm curious about his guidelines to his experiment.

Speaking of sex, over at What Men Think (one of my favorite blogs), casual sex is the topic discussed today.

Casual sex can lead to unplanned pregnancies, which is the case for the woman who wrote Accidentally on Purpose: A One-Night Stand, My Unplanned Parenthood, and Loving the Best Mistake I Ever Made. I'll be reviewing this memoir by Mary F. Pols in the next few weeks.

Apparently, single moms are on the rise and many suggest that this is due to the high divorce rates and women choosing to have children on their own.

I couldn't let a day go by without a top ten list, or on line quiz so here's both: Top Ten Signs You're a Working Mom followed by What Hand Gesture Are You? And if you're not convinced that your only child will remain an only child, check out this post on Dating an Only Child.

Donations Now Accepted

Schedule of a Single Mom:

6:30 am

Alarm goes off. Mom showers and gets dressed and ready for work.

7:00 am

Four-year old wakes up, goes potty, heads to kitchen table for breakfast. Climbs down from his chair to wash his hands.

7:15am

Four-year old finishes eating & playing. Heads to family room to play some more. Mom spends quality time with son.

7:45 am

Son gets dressed while Mom puts lunches together. Son watches PBS kids.

8:15 am

Mom and son brush teeth, pack up belongings, apply sunscreen, turn off lights and lock door.

8:45 am

Mom and son arrive at first day of Summer Camp. Walk around campus together and check out classroom.

9:00 am

Son says quick goodbye without looking at Mom. Mom stands at doorway watching son interact with new teachers and friends. Mom fights back tears of both joy and sorrow. Realizes she won't see her son for over 48 hours.

9:10 am

Mom arrives at work. Gets down to business.

4:39 pm

Mom heads out of the office to get to meeting with client.

5:10 pm

Mom arrives ten minutes late. Orders first coffee of the day.

5:15 pm

Mom meets with client whom she charges by the hour.

6:30 pm

Mom realizes that she's extended the meeting by fifteen minutes. Packs up belongings and says goodbye to client.

6:35 pm

Mom heads to grocery store where she is surrounded by too many childless couples making out in the aisles. Vows to never grocery shop with future partners. Ever.

7:05 pm

Mom arrives home. Has dinner in front of computer.

8:00 pm

Mom checks email and responds to several inquiries.

9:00 pm

Mom calculates her expenses and realizes she doesn't charge enough to cover her costs.

9:25 pm

Mom realizes that donations can help cover the costs to make up for the discounts offered to parents who are financially challenged.

1:00 am

Mom heads to bed feeling good about helping parents enrich their relationship with their children.

Pregnancy Pact

This saddens me:

Teen Girls Make Pact to Get Pregnant

I can't even begin to comment. But, The Blogess did a great job and pretty much covers everything I would've said, were I not drinking decaf espresso (I'll save that story for another day).