In the News

These following articles in today's San Diego Union-Tribune caught my attention:

• Teen Maternity: Birth rates for adolescents is on the rise
• Clean-air cargo fee opposed by Palin
• Mom steals daughter's ID to join cheerleading squad
• San Diego kindergartner disappears from school campus
• Coquille Indian Tribe becomes first tribe to legalize same-sex marriage

What stories from your local newspapers should parents around the nation be aware of?

When Did This Turn Into a Sex Blog?

Perhaps from the lack of sex I'm actually having, I've turned to reading about sex and discussing it here on my blog.

Oh well. I'm getting satisfaction and pleasure from my writing (not in that way), so I feel the need to continue but will try not to overdo the sex talk.

Speaking of sex talk, people all over the world are talking about sex and education, and teens, thanks to the recent announcement about Sarah Palin's new status as grandmother-to-be. That's right, I'm focusing instead on her role in the family matter rather than her daughter's. I have my opinions on the situation, but who am I to talk? Enough people are doing that already.

I do, however, feel the need to remind everyone, no matter what our political or religious views, about how important it is to talk to our children - from a young age - about sex and providing them with opportunities to discuss questions they have. I can't stress enough to my young son how I want him to be able to talk to me about anything. Even at his young age, I'm trying to open the doors of communication between us so that when the time comes for those difficult, if not awkward conversations, it'll be less likely to be an embarrassing discussion (for either of us).

Clearly, if you read this blog, I'm open to talking about my views on, well, pretty much everything, so there's probably less likelihood that my son will impregnate a young girl before they turn 18, right? WRONG. Just because I am open to discussing issues about sex, contraception, birth control, abstinence and giving him all of the information necessary to make his own decisions, they will in fact be his own decisions and regardless of how safe and smart young people are, life happens.

Alright, I said I wasn't going to share my thoughts on the whole matter, and I haven't, really. Have I?

By the way, for those living in the San Diego area, I'm teaching a parenting workshop in just a few weeks on this very topic: Speaking to Young People about Sex. It's not easy for everyone to be as open as I am about these sorts of things, especially with children. I'm hoping that the course will help parents understand their sexual values and focus a bit more on what types of information they want to share with their children before their child comes to them with questions.

Do you talk to your children about pregnancy and protecting themselves from STDs?

Baby Borrowers & the Lessons We've Learned

At the end of June, I highlighted the Zero to Three organization's comments on the NBC show Baby Borrowers and how they felt it was harmful to the babies involved. Just a few weeks ago, the last episode aired.

Here is what the Zero to Three organization had to say about the Town Hall Meeting:

NBC aired the final episode of its Baby Borrowers reality show on July 30th and then capped its season with a nationally televised “Town Hall” meeting about the show on August 6. Thanks to the multitude of passionate early childhood professionals, parents and others interested in the well-being of babies, it appears that NBC got the message and offered ZERO TO THREE an opportunity to express our concerns about the show during the Town Hall meeting. ZERO TO THREE was represented by Kyle Pruett, MD, a past president of our Board of Directors and one of our Emeritus Board members.

Dr. Pruett served as a very effective voice for babies by raising many of the issues that clearly disturbed thousands of early childhood professionals about the show. While the televised town hall meeting focused a great deal on the issue of adolescent pregnancy prevention, Dr. Pruett made a point of telling NBC and the producer that the show’s premise of putting babies and toddlers in the care of teenagers who were ill prepared to attend to the needs of these children was flawed.

Since we issued our alert about this show, hundreds of you responded and echoed your concerns. Your passion helped keep the interests of babies and toddlers front and center, and we believe your added voices led NBC to invite Dr. Pruett to the Town Hall show. Many other organizations — including the American Society for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, American Psychiatric Association and the National Association for the Education of Young Children — issued their own statements of concern. Together, we helped to give voice to the needs and interests of very young children. Thank you for your continued passion and interest.

I admit I had not watched one minute of the TV show. I saw commercials for it before it aired and I was appalled at the idea. While I do agree that teenagers and young people do need a reality check about the issue of teen pregnancy, I do think there are other ways to get the point across. Let's hope that the television networks will make better decisions when trying to reach a new audience for future programming.

If you saw the TV show, what are your thoughts?

NBC's Baby Borrowers: Harmful to Children

I've recently read on line discussions about the new reality show from NBC called Baby Borrowers. When I first heard about it, my first thought was as to where these "babies" come from. I decided I'd rather not know and tried to forget these type of reality shows are still in existence.

Then, just yesterday, I received a statement from the Zero to Three organization which explained the great risk the parents are putting their child under for the sake of entertainment, and I'm assuming, money. From the NBC official Baby Borrowers' website:

NBC's upcoming reality series "The Baby Borrowers" is an intriguing new social experiment based on the hit British program that asks five diverse teenage couples -- ages 18-20 -- to fast-track to adulthood by setting up a home, getting a job and becoming caring parents first to babies, toddlers, pre-teens and their pets, teenagers and senior citizens -- all over the course of three weeks.

As the social experiment begins, the five young volunteer couples are asked to literally grow up overnight when they are each given a home in a quiet cul-de-sac outside Boise, Idaho and attend pre-natal classes as each "mother" wears a simulated "empathy" belly to prepare them for the arrival of their "baby."

When a real baby (all aged six-11 months old) appears at their door -- courtesy of five pairs of real volunteer parents (some of whom were teen parents themselves) who entrust their infants to one of the couples -- the nervous, fumbling teens are in for three long, arduous days that make chilling out a distant memory. They must stick to rigid routines, handle the feeding chores, diaper duty and crying jags that might be shared by baby and teens -- all the while under 24-hour supervision by nannies and the real parents who are stationed next door, watching via monitor, and able to step in at any time. Plus, one teen from each of the couples must start a job, ranging from working in a local vet's office to a lumberyard, leaving the other alone as caregiver for the day.

After three surprising, intense days, each teen couple will bid bye-bye to the baby and receive a toddler as their fast-forward adult life progresses. They will have to cope with typical "terrible twos" behavior, including pouty tantrums, potty training and other messes. Three days later, the weary couples must face the reality of parenting several sassy pre-teens/"tweeners" at once -- each with a family pet in tow, adding to their responsibilities.

While the idea behind this show is one that I agree with - Yay for trying to prepare young people for the "reality" of parenthood and even a committed, adult relationship - surely there must be other ways to go about this that don't involve removing a baby (between 6 - 11 months old) from their parents for 72 hours. Here's the official statement from Zero to Three:

“It’s not TV, it’s birth control” is how NBC promotes its new reality series “Baby Borrowers.” On June 25th, the show will be launched on national television as an “intriguing new social experiment that asks five diverse teenage couples to fast-track to adulthood by setting up a home, getting a job and becoming caring parents.” Unfortunately, the NBC series exploits very young children in the pursuit of entertainment.

The babies and toddlers participating in this series will be separated from their parents and caregivers for three days. Unfamiliar teenagers will take care of them during this time. This setup can be very harmful for the babies and toddlers involved. For the past 80 years, many studies have shown unequivocally that babies and toddlers suffer when they are exposed to this kind of prolonged separation from family and left with people that they do not know or love. As all parents know, babies and toddlers are very distressed by separation. They cry, cling, and search for their parents. The longer the separation, the more upset they become. Some children are unable to sleep and refuse to eat. The responses routinely last long past the child’s reunion with the parent. Prolonged separations heighten young children’s separation anxiety and damage their trust that their parents will be available to protect and care for them. Children can become angry and rejecting of their parents after being reunited with them, damaging the fabric of the child-parent relationship.

These findings have become the basis for a new science of early childhood. A robust body of early childhood development and brain research clearly confirms the critical nature of early development. It is a time when young children form attachments with parents and caregivers, develop security and a sense of self, and learn what to expect from the world around them. Studies show that babies and toddlers need to feel safe and secure in order to form a positive sense of self, to form healthy relationships, and to feel confident to explore their world. This sense of security is dependent on the availability and stability of their trusted primary caregivers. Being separated for a three-day period from a parent or trusted, familiar adult, and being thrust into the care of a total stranger who has no experience with the child—how he or she is comforted, likes to be fed, held, etc.—and who has no experience caring for young children at all, can be very stressful for the child.

As a “safeguard,” NBC has hired a nanny to be nearby in case there are concerns. However the nanny is no more familiar to that child than the two strangers who will be caring for him for three days. The nanny does not know him or what his signals mean — such as what he needs when he cries out in the middle of the night, or how he shows he is hungry, tired, or is overwhelmed and needs a break from play. Moreover, even though the parents of these young children are watching via closed-circuit television, the babies are not aware of that and have no way of knowing how long the parents will be gone.

Legitimate social experiments are not conducted on national television or on reality shows. "Baby Borrowers" may have a catchy theme, but it exploits young children with potential harmful consequences. This is no social experiment. It is an extremely misguided endeavor that puts at risk our most vulnerable citizens, young children who need our love and protection.

As a parent, I cannot imagine leaving my baby with someone else for longer than an hour with someone who wasn't family or familiar with childrearing. The whole concept of this show is completely disturbing to me and is is a "trend" in reality television that I hope ceases to continue.

Here's a reality show for you [insert sarcasm]: Let's follow up with these borrowed babies in fifteen years and see "how they're doing." Better yet, let's follow these young "couples" and see where they end up - together or otherwise.

Pregnancy Pact

This saddens me:

Teen Girls Make Pact to Get Pregnant

I can't even begin to comment. But, The Blogess did a great job and pretty much covers everything I would've said, were I not drinking decaf espresso (I'll save that story for another day).

Let's Talk About Sex

Since my son is only four, I haven't felt the need to start worrying - just yet - about the sex talk, but I'm prepared for when the time comes to sit down with him and explain ways in which he can protect himself (and his partner) from not only unwanted pregnancy, but from STDs as well.

Now I'm not going to preach here or share with you my personal beliefs (or experiences) but I will say this: I was a teenager once.

Childhood is much different these days than it was when I was growing up. I'm sure things will change quite a bit more before my son reaches his teen years. Check out this startling new Safe Sex Passport that is meant to be provided to / from partners before sexual activity.

Luckily, there are several resources that will help give him the proper information while allowing him to explore these embarrassing and often-times, difficult questions on his own.

Thanks to the Daily Bedpost, I discovered that today is the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Now, I realize that unwanted pregnancy is not something anyone (of any age) wants to deal with, but what about preventing STDs. Isn't that something to be even more concerned with?

Here are just a few sites I've discovered that provide factual information and answer questions many people may have:

Planned Parenthood

Smarter Sex

Your Total Health:
Sexual Health Information

SIECUS: Sexuality Information and Education
Council of the United States

Medical Institute for Sexual Health

Sexual Health Network

Coalition for Positive Sexuality

Feminine Box

I Wanna Know

And for parents or adults to share with children:

How to Talk to Your Child About Sex:
It's Best to Start Early, but It's Never Too Late
A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents

It's Not the Stork

It's So Amazing

It's Perfectly Normal

Ten Talks Parents Must Have
with their Children about Sex & Character

Dear Dad

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion... Dad, she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your son Tom

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card. That's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.