Breaking the Law

This weekend, my grandparents will be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary, along with my grandma's 80th birthday. Her and my grandpa have seven children, most of whom now have grandchildren of their own. They have a total of thirteen grandkids and twelve great-grandkids so far.

My son and I will be the only ones out of the above referenced individuals who will not be there for the event. My heart is breaking right now just thinking about it but, since my ex-husband will not grant permission for me to leave the state with our son, we'll be here instead.

Up until yesterday, I was planning on getting on that plane with my son tonight, even though it would be considered a federal offense and no doubt my ex would have an Amber Alert issued for the 'kidnapping' of our child. Several of my friends had to talk me through how that would not be a good idea and how, more than likely, it would be used against me in the future where any custody arrangements or schedule is concerned.

My ex-husband doesn't have a large family. It's his mom, his sister, and him and I can't help but feel sorry for him when family events come up for me because he reacts the same way each time. I have to work hard to convince him to let us go and even harder to ignore him when he tells me how selfish I am and only thinking of myself when I ask his permission.

Our son has a family that loves him, that wants to spend time with him, and whom I want him to create memories with but it's very difficult being so far away and at times, I often wonder if things will ever change. Will the courts ever grant me permission to move back? Will I ever have the courage to request such a move again?

These are not easy decisions to make, but today I am wondering what's left for me here. I can write from anywhere and being closer to my friends and family would greatly benefit me - emotionally, spiritually, and financially. I blossom (as does my son) when we're there...

When mama is happy, everyone is happy.

Feeling Homesick

I'm visiting my family & friends this week in Minnesota, celebrating many different things, including the wedding of my college friends, my nephew's first birthday and of course, Father's Day.

It's always a whirlwind of a trip whenever we come, trying to cram in as many family visits as possible and squeeze in as many happy hours with friends. One thing I've really been reminded of this time is how precious family truly is

My parents have been keeping an eye on my son while I get some work done (like right now) and my sister and her husband took on an extra child for the night while I enjoyed the wedding and reception of my friends of nearly 15 years.

For those of you who have parents or in-laws close by, be grateful for them, even if there are things they do or say that you might not agree with

I'll miss my family when we get back to our house, but as they say, "Home is where your Mom is" and even though my son is a little homesick now (missing California), my version of being homesick is a little different and I'll miss my family and friends when I return to our place and lives in Southern California

Luckily, my mom and I have discussed having her a bit more involved long-distance, which means she'll be writing on this blog on occasion, offering some grandmotherly advice and providing some great stories about her own childhood and how parenting has changed now that she's a grandmother.

Stay tuned for more...

Custody Battles

I love reading about custody schedules that work for everyone involved. I adore families who get along for the sake of their children and appreciate stories of divorced couples who remain friends.

Let's face it, though, this is not always the case and for every story that includes a happy ending, there are those that are sadly dysfunctional and even harmful.

My situation is no exception. When my husband filed for a divorce in 2006, I was mad. I was angry, hurt, confused, depressed, guilty, and pretty much in denial until he moved out two months later. It was a long two months. I don't think I slept at all during that time, nor did I have a pleasant word to say to or about him.

Needless to say, I've learned to put my feelings aside to focus on the needs of our son. It certainly hasn't been easy and we battled it out in court for quite some time since I tried to seek the court's approval to move - with my son - back to Minnesota where my family lives, and where I grew up.

I wanted to raise my son near family; my sister's family and my parents ,in particular. The fact that my ex-husband's family lives on the East Coast played a major role in my decision as well since I argued that we'd be closer to them once we moved. I had fully anticipated that the court would grant this request and that my husband would eventually get over his feelings so we could focus on the needs of our son.

I was not expecting the court to deny my request but they - at that time - felt that my son was too young to be "taken away" from his father. Those were the words my ex used to describe what I was trying to do. He felt that I was trying to deny his right to be in our son's life and was upset with me for trying to take our son away from him.

Last week, I was in Minnesota, without my son. It was hard for me - extremely difficult - to think about what life would be like if my son and I lived there. He would be able to grow up with his cousins (dozens of them) and run around outside and, most likely, I would be able to buy a house with a yard and provide him with a childhood filled with happy memories like I have from growing up there.

The judge did mention that I could come back to court when our son was older to make this request again - to move to Minnesota - away from his father. I think about this every day and have even questioned whether or not I could move to Minnesota on my own and leave my son behind. I come to the same conclusion every time.

You can imagine how difficult it would be for me to live somewhere without my son. What he is "missing out on" is only in my mind since he knows nothing other than California as home and his mom and dad as family.

As he gets older, I have a feeling he will want to be with his father more often which is understandable. I am much closer to my mom and have been since I was young - another reason why it's so hard to live thousands of miles away.

My sister and I spent last week together with her two young boys. I miss them all. My friends and family mean the world to me and it's a difficult decision I've made to live here until my son is old enough to understand my desire to be closer to the rest of my family. That doesn't make it any easier but it does provide me with more reason to share with my loved ones just how much they mean to me, no matter where I call home.

Proud Mama

Michael Phelps has made history with his 8 Gold Medals and a World Record. One medal after the other...

What's amazing to me is the fact that, not only was Michael diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but he was also raised (along with his two sisters) by a single mom.

This isn't unusual, really. Tom Cruise, Bill Clinton, and Bill Cosby were raised by single moms. Even Barack Obama was brought up in a single parent home.

What bothers me is that there's many different definitions of "single mom," and it's usually one that is the complete opposite of who I am.

I admit, my son's father and I went through a stressful and drawn-out divorce (due to me and my bitterness), but now, we get along great and I don't know what I'd do without his support. My son is with his dad right now, thousands of miles away. My son's father is more involved than many dads. We're lucky to have him.

Yes, I'm a single mom, which - to me - means that I am single and I am a mom. Nothing in those two words hint at whether or not there is a father figure in my son's life but, there is. My son has many men in his life that act as positive role models for him. Right now, my son is spending 8 days with his dad on the East Coast, while I teach a parenting course and visit my family and friends back home.

I get to meet my sister's youngest son (only 8 weeks old) for the first time today. I'm thrilled to finally meet him and spend the week spoiling him and his older brother. I haven't blogged about it much or talked about it only because it's difficult for me to be so far away but it gets easier as time goes by since I have so much to focus on, besides how quickly time flies by...while I'm having fun.

I am also going to spend time with my friends from college, meet my best friend's (from high school) fiance, and, of course, get caught up in my reading - both on line and in print.

I look forward to sharing my travel experiences here so stay tuned for stories from the Midwest, where people are known for being real, honest and sincere. Minnesota Nice. I can't wait to be back home.

The ABCs of Love

The Dictionary of Love by John Stark makes for an excellent gift for loved ones. It's naughty but nice! A note from the editors states just that:

...for the purpose of this book [a word is] defined only in terms of how it relates to he subject of love. In no way is this book an attempt to be salacious or vulgar. Still, it does not beat around the bush...Included are names of people, places, and products identified with love, and when appropriate, modern slang words discovered on the Internet and overheard on public transportation.

From A-Z, these are a few of my favorite words included:

• Afrodesiac (n) a sexy African American male
• bumper sticker (n) a tattoo on a woman's lower back
• carry-on (n) a small overnight bag that doesn't have to be checked in at the airport so that upon arrival lovers can have more time to carry on
• downshifting (vb) to quit a high-stress job in order to have more time with the person one loves
• eye-hump (vb) to seduce someone with one's eyes as she or he walks innocently by
• fifties (n) the last era in which people waited until they were married to have sexual intercourse
• good night's sleep (n) a state of unconsciousness that as one gets older one finds is more satisfying than staying out late or even getting laid
• homeostasis (n) a steady state in the body's internal environment that includes one's heart rate, temperature, and electrolyte balance, all of which are shot to hell when one falls in love.
• in bed (adj) a phrase one adds to the saying inside a fortune cookie when reading it aloud at the table
• Jurassic (adj) a geological term that refers to a period of the Mesozoic era, when dinosaurs ruled the Earth <"I know Ty digs older women but this one's Jurassic.">
• klingons (n) a couple who are disgustingly lovey-dovey, esp. in front of other people
• library (n) a safe, well-lit building where books, reference materials, and periodicals are kept and where people must speak in sexy, hushed tones, which is perfect for picking up dates.
• mate poaching (vb) the act of stealing another's boyfriend or girlfriend
• nice (adj) a. amiable and pleasant; non-argumentative b. descriptive of people from Minnesota
• oompa-loompa vibe (n) a creepy feeling a person gets from a stranger, esp. a blind date or someone who is hitting on him or her
• penis (n) the male external reproductive organ that contains the urethra, through which urine and semen pass, and where some women think men's brains are located.
• quiver (n) the pouch in which Cupid carries his arrows
• red light (n) an automated stoplight that's put up at busy intersections so drivers can check each other out
• sassy tuna (n) a woman who is exceptionally flirty and brazen
• titanic (vb) to go down on a first date as in oral sex
• user-friendly (adj) a person who is known to be promiscuous
• vacancy (n) a neon sign that lovers look for on highways
• wallboard (n) a light building material that has become a substitute for wood or plaster and allows people in apartments and condos to know who's sleeping with whom and what they're into
• XY chromosomes (n) a. in genetics, the 2 chromosomes that determine the sex of an individual; males carry a single X and a single Y chromosome, while females carry 2 XXs and no Y b. when seen under a microscope the X chromosome is much larger than the Y, which would indicate that the female is not just the fairer of the sexes but also the stronger
• yellow (adj) the color of the sun and many varieties of flowers, birds, butterflies, and fruit, as well as sexy road signs such as Curves Ahead, Stop When Flashing, and Slippery When Wet
• zelophilia (n) sexual arousal from feelings of jealousy

With special sections devoted to Types of Love, Fetish Examples, Synonyms for Breasts (and Erections), Swinger Terminology and Vibrators, The Dictionary of Love is the hilarious and complete guide to all things lovely, sexy and arousing. The only thing better is making love!

The Importance of Play

How much time do you set aside each day for play? No matter what your age - or the age of your children - play is vital to your health and longevity. With technology and medical research helping people to live longer than ever before, staying young at heart is just as important as staying physically fit.

Six types of play are outlined in the PsyBlog article that I recently discovered:

1. Unoccupied Play
2. Solitary Play
3. Onlooker Play
4. Parallel Play
5. Associate Play
6. Cooperative Play

"Through play children learn and practice many basic social skills. They develop a sense of self, learn to interact with other children, how to make friends, how to lie and how to role-play."

According to Mildred Parten, from the Institute of Child Development in Minnesota, "Learning to play is learning how to relate to others."

Read more on play and how children learn to work together.

March Madness

My son spent a week in Hawaii with his dad. Then, I gave him about 24 hours to adjust - not only to the time change but to the climate before he and I jumped on a plane to Minnesota.

I had to go there for work, but took advantage of the fact that my family is there to spend a few extra days and bring my son along.

He spent plenty of time with his grandparents, aunt & uncle, and his cousin, who is going to be a big brother pretty soon.

It's always nice to see Cinimod so happy and excited to spend time with family. He literally jumped up and down when he learned he'd be spending time with his cousin again. They had a blast together and little JT cried when they had to say goodbye after the two of them spent the entire day together (with Grandma).

Today, though, before we got on the plane to return to San Diego, my son tried a couple of times to hug JT goodbye. I think he was sad to see Cinimod go. He wouldn't hug him and refused to give him a high-five (he gave everyone else one).

It's nice to know we'll be missed but I know it'll be that much sweeter as the boys get older and are able to really hang out and spend some much-needed male bonding time together as they grow up together.

Shopping in St. Paul

I leave for St. Paul next Saturday and already I'm preparing for an after December 25th shopping spree. Ever since I started this blog, my mother has been - besides my #1 fan - very helpful when it comes to sending me links and relevant articles that relate to parenting, shopping or could somehow fit in with the content on this site.

Here then is a list that she sent me a while back. I did not forget about it but this time I will have more time to take in the sights and enjoy the recommendations from this compilation:

gifts, jewelry and home accessories

Woodbury-made bath and body products

kitchen accessories and equipment

designer denim

toys

Danish-designed fashions and home accessories

Scandinavian home furnishings, accents and more

stationary and personalized gifts

natural toys and baby care

Latin American-inspired jewelry

children's shoes

The Romeo & Juliet Shops:
gift ideas for any occasion

artist-designed paper, gifts and baby things

Wonderment:
wood toys and creative objects

See you in the Cities!

Let it Snow

Last week, just a day before I left for Toronto, I drove up to the mountains with my son and my mom for a day of playing in the snow. Since I grew up in Minnesota, having a white winter is something that I not only am used to, but miss since living in Southern California for the past eight years. I've taken my son to see the snow in the past, but now that he's old enough to really enjoy it I thought it'd be the perfect opportunity to spend a snow day with Grandma before we visit her and the rest of our family over Christmas.

Now that I've enjoyed snow with the two people who mean the most to me, I can't help but begin to realize how important these simple pleasures are and how years from now we'll be able to look back on that day as a wonderful family memory to recall.

I recently read somewhere that nearly half of the world's population has never seen snow! They really don't know what they're missing.

Here are a few of my favorite photographic or illustrated books that feature snow:

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

Shopping in St. Paul

...and Minneapolis (Part Two)

I spent a good portion of my time researching boutiques for Moms and children in last week's post. Here, I'm going to focus on even more!

Cal Surf: large selection of skateboarding / snowboarding gear
Uptown

JL Esso: stylish footwear on the edge
Southdale

Shu: global footwear
Grand Avenue, St. Paul
Grand Way, St. Louis Park

Wiggles N Giggles: shop there for their shoe section
Blaine

Awakenings: Enhancing intimacy, education & strengthening relationships
St. Paul

Bjorling & Grant: pieces with a past
Minneapolis

Happy Shopping!

Ben Stein Confesses AND Happy Holidays

I grew up in a Mexican-American Catholic family and attended church every Sunday as well as private, Catholic schools from Kindergarten through High School. And yet, as an adult, I don't attend church, I no longer pray and as a parent, I am not raising my son as my own parents - or my son's father - would like me to be doing as far as religion is concerned (Father, please forgive me).

I've traveled to many places and experienced many things in my lifetime, many of which have made me realize that religion and beliefs are just as unique as fingerprints or snowflakes.

My son attends preschool in a community with a large population of Indian families (and by Indian, I don't mean Native Americans). The preschool program begins each morning with meditation and yoga. It is truly amazing to watch a group of three-and-four-year-olds sitting silently for nearly fifteen minutes with their eyes closed, backs straight and breathing deeply in a darkened room, usually with a candle glowing in the background.

When my son and I were in Minnesota last week and when he's with me on the weekends or when school is closed, we continue the daily practice of meditation as it helps us both to feel more calm, relax at the end of a long day and prepare us both for bedtime.

I am not sure where this all fits in with his ideas of religion or God, but I do know this: My son is a sensitive, well balanced and centered little boy who has been taught to be respectful, polite and kind to all living beings. I doubt there is a religion in this world that could argue with that.

This blog is certainly not a place where I ever thought religion would be brought up. But I had to comment somehow on the following commentary I recently received in an email.

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

I am a Jew and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish, and it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we're all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me one bit that there's a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, fine. The menorah a few hundred yards away is fine, too.

I do not like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way. Where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to. - Ben Stein

And, since I enjoy playing devil's advocate in many circumstances, I am pleased to present you with a look at Kane/Miller Book Publisher's non-secular holiday title that even Ben Stein would endorse: It's Christmas by Tina Burke.

Illustration from It's Christmas

by Tina Burke

(Kane/Miller Book Publishers, 2007)

No mention of God, baby Jesus or images of a nativity scene: The perfect gift for anyone who enjoys opening gifts on December 25th. And actually, come to think of it, Antonella and her Santa Claus is quite similar in that it doesn't speak about the religious aspects of the holiday.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Minneapolis Mamas

I was in the Twin Cities this last weekend. In my role of Marketing Manager for Kane/Miller Book Publishers, I was there to present our fall titles at the Midwest Booksellers Association. It was a brief seven-minute presentation, but I made the quick trip to the Minneapolis Convention Center and along the way, rediscovered the wonderful city and all it has to offer.

Now that I'm a parent, I can fully appreciate the culture and diversity in the Twin Cities and I am pleased to share some exciting new shopping sites as well. They may just be new to me, but for new parents or for holiday shopping expeditions, these are the hip places for fashion, design, and boutiques featuring clothing and other hot products for parents and children in the Minneapolis / St. Paul area.

Hot Mama: shop where hot mamas shop
3 locations (Grand Avenue in St. Paul, The Shoppes @ Arbor Lakes in Maple Grove, and of course 50th & France in Edina).

Ivy
Calhoun Square

Joynoelle: Cities couture
Como Avenue

Little Giants Boutique: Apparel ~ Toys ~ Accessories
Technically located - just outside the Cities - in Hudson, Wisconsin, this is a fun little boutique to visit and a quaint area to spend an afternoon.

Oilily: Children's boutique and fashions for women.
Galleria

Schreier Home: dare to be remarkable
Interior design center and retail store to open in Stillwater in April 2008

Sister Ugly
Northfield, MN

Stephanie's
Cleveland Avenue, St. Paul

Lulu & Luigi: the best dressed dogs in town
Located in the Wayzata Village Shoppes

Uber Baby: Hip Maternity Store
Galleria

Gravel Road Kids: as seen on The View
Woodbury, MN

The Red Balloon Bookshop
Grand Avenue, St. Paul

Club Monaco: modern, timeless, clean, graphic, essential, luxury, chic, urban
Mall of America

Martin + Osa: Here, There, Everywhere
Mall of America

Sisley: If you recognize this name (brand found in Benetton stores), imagine an entire boutique dedicated to this unique style!

Mall of America

Steve & Barry's: exclusive distributor of Bitten by Sarah Jessica Parker
Brookdale, Burnsville Center, Knollwod Mall, Northtown Mall

Kiddywampus: an inspired place for kids
France Avenue, Edina

bebe babble: children's lifestyle & design boutique
Edina, MN

Red Rover Kids: bigger, better, funner
Stillwater, MN

Did I forget to mention that there is no Sales Tax in Minnesota? Pure shopping heaven.