Why Every Parent Needs to be Educated

My job as a parent is to ___________ my child.

Go ahead. FILL IN THE BLANK. The only rule is that you are only allowed one, and only one, choice. What one word would you use to complete the sentence above? Already, in my head, I've been struggling with choosing from over a dozen possibilities.

"Every single day of parenthood forces us to juggle the practical along with the ineffable, to strive for connectedness along with autonomy, to quarrel and question and, in the end, to let go." - Anne Pleshette Murphy (Blindsided by a Diaper)

My job as a parent is the most demanding, challenging, frustrating, exciting, rewarding and powerful role I could every take on. If anyone told me (I think they did but perhaps I wasn't listening) exactly what parenthood would be like, I wouldn't believe them. I wouldn't understand because you can never truly comprehend what being a parent really means until you're there; looking at your little child who is not taking NO for an answer.

I've been working for the same company now for seven years and, although I had many other jobs prior to this one, I don't recall any job that I had that did not require some sort of training. Why should parenting be any different?

People joke about how easy it is to make a baby. There's no application to fill out, no fees involved in the actual creation of a child (unless you calculate the bar tab at the end of the night). But seriously, why is it that new parents are expected to sit through birthing classes and learn how to change diapers and perform CPR on infant sized dolls yet there are no requirements on having to take parenting classes? After all, the infant stage is over before you know it, but parenting is FOREVER.

"A baby, it turns out, is more permanent than a tattoo."
- Michael Finkel (Welcome to the Babyhouse)

When I became a new mom, I struggled with trying to be the best mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, and role model I could possibly be. I was convinced that I could do everything myself, even without my husband's help.

I feel sorry for those "...men...determined to be better fathers than their own dads but who felt criticized by their wives every time they even tried."
- Amy Sohn (Confessions of a Sugar Mommy)

Now that I realize that many families face the same challenges and issues behind closed doors, it's much easier for me to forgive myself. And I find myself warning every parent I know so that, hopefully, they won't make the same mistakes I did.

"The Who Has the Harder Job? Show had begun - and it ran for more seasons
than I care to count. Inevitably, we both ended up losers."
- Susan Maushart (Where the Bruises Are)

And I lost big time. I lost my husband, the family that I created and my sense of identity had to be completely redefined.

"...babies begin to smile at exactly this point - six to eight weeks in -
as a matter of survival...this is also the time parents stop smiling at each other."
- Nicholas Weinstock (Being a Baby)

I was introduced to the Redirecting Children's Behavior class by, none other than, my ex-husband. Our son was going through a terrible stage (as we all were) and all three of us were frustrated, exhausted and emotionally bankrupt.

"...he loved [our son] with an over-the-top abandon that he never showed me."
- Elizabeth Larsen (To Jealousy and Beyond)

My ex-husband and I each took the five-week course - separately - and slowly implemented the skills and tools we learned in each of our homes. I noticed a change instantly. Not only was I feeling less stressed, but our daily routines were going much smoother, we were laughing more (and crying less) and there was an overall sense of hope that embraced my son and I as we worked on improving our relationship by simply adjusting the way we communicated with one another.

"...just as children fundamentally alter the nature of marriage...
children affect the end of marriage even more profoundly."
- David Elliot Cohen (Life Sentence)

I don't know where we'd be today if it weren't for the RCB program and the information, support and encouragement I received from the class. I'm an instructor now myself, and if there's one piece of advice I could give to parents, whether they're expecting their first baby or already have children, it would be this: educate yourselves, share your stories, support one another, Make Time for Yourself and laugh often. You won't regret it.

"...if couples can find ways to talk openly -
with each other and with other couples - about the changes they're encountering,
they'll be better equipped to navigate the challenges."
- Dana Bedford Hilmer (editor, Blindsided by a Diaper)

To learn more about parent education and the types of classes and workshops offered, please visit the Happy Healthy Hip Parenting website.

*Each author quoted in the above post has an essay published in the recent book, Blindsided by a Diaper: Over 30 Men and Women Reveal How Parenthood Changes a Relationship)

Made In China

It's hard to explain to people - who have never heard of Kane/Miller - why we don't publish any books about Thanksgiving.

Take a look around our website and you'll quickly discover the fact that our books are a little different. There's a flag on each individual book page to represent which country the book originates from.

Our tagline - Award-winning children's books from around the world - should alert people to the fact that our books are not about U.S. history, U.S. holidays, or U.S. artists, but I can't even begin to count the number of times I've been asked at a trade show if we have books about Native Americans or on President's Day.

And I can't even begin to explain how many times I've had to tell people that our submission policy is unlike any other publisher's guidelines since we work with authors and illustrators that reside outside of the United States.

In a world that is slowly becoming smaller and considering how quickly our children are realizing how accessible it is to reach others in countries on the opposite side of the globe, I'm still somewhat surprised that there are people out there who have not heard of Kane/Miller, or are unsure of what to think about our vision and our goal of opening young minds to the world through literature.

Just recently, there has been a discussion about banning books (perhaps that's the wrong term) that were printed in China. Until this became an issue, Kane/Miller was known for the high quality books that we print, with regard to the paper quality and durability of the books that we publish, along with the book's content.

Parents and educators are in the middle of a frustrating time as toys are being pulled off the shelf and health scares related to these particular toys are presented to us in the media. I feel for the parents of those children who have been effected by the chemicals found in these toys.

What I don't understand is the idea that removing books printed in China from library shelves would help to keep our children safe (or healthy). What our public and our communities are in need of is education regarding safety issues and learning how to reach those inside the corporations which have allowed such items to be sold in the first place.

As a parent, I realize that my argument is emotionally based, but who wouldn't want to protect their child? We wouldn't allow for lead paint to be in our homes or in any products that we bring home for our children and yet, I find it very difficult to believe that books from China could be doing my son any harm.

Kane/Miller is working on providing certifications that show that our books are safe and should hopefully encourage those who might have doubts to continue to purchase books based on the quality of the writing and illustrations, rather than where the product was shipped into the United States from.

Our nation has been purchasing toys "Made in China" for so long now that sadly, we've forgotten that there are companies here who have been making educational, high-quality products for our children as well.

I highly encourage everyone reading this to think outside the (toy) box and pick out toys - and other items - that you feel comfortable with, no matter what that criteria might be. Please don't judge a book by its cover, or the country that produced it.

The media has spoken and while I applaud those who have already been purchasing items for their little ones that don't have batteries or are not made of plastic, I realize that there are those that simply don't have the resources to discover what else might be out there.

Earlier this year, my post entitled Batteries Not Included contained a list of companies who do offer these types of toys. I urge you to check them out, set aside some money to purchase items from them for the holidays or birthdays and spread the word to others.

Ben Stein Confesses AND Happy Holidays

I grew up in a Mexican-American Catholic family and attended church every Sunday as well as private, Catholic schools from Kindergarten through High School. And yet, as an adult, I don't attend church, I no longer pray and as a parent, I am not raising my son as my own parents - or my son's father - would like me to be doing as far as religion is concerned (Father, please forgive me).

I've traveled to many places and experienced many things in my lifetime, many of which have made me realize that religion and beliefs are just as unique as fingerprints or snowflakes.

My son attends preschool in a community with a large population of Indian families (and by Indian, I don't mean Native Americans). The preschool program begins each morning with meditation and yoga. It is truly amazing to watch a group of three-and-four-year-olds sitting silently for nearly fifteen minutes with their eyes closed, backs straight and breathing deeply in a darkened room, usually with a candle glowing in the background.

When my son and I were in Minnesota last week and when he's with me on the weekends or when school is closed, we continue the daily practice of meditation as it helps us both to feel more calm, relax at the end of a long day and prepare us both for bedtime.

I am not sure where this all fits in with his ideas of religion or God, but I do know this: My son is a sensitive, well balanced and centered little boy who has been taught to be respectful, polite and kind to all living beings. I doubt there is a religion in this world that could argue with that.

This blog is certainly not a place where I ever thought religion would be brought up. But I had to comment somehow on the following commentary I recently received in an email.

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

I am a Jew and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish, and it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we're all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me one bit that there's a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, fine. The menorah a few hundred yards away is fine, too.

I do not like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way. Where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to. - Ben Stein

And, since I enjoy playing devil's advocate in many circumstances, I am pleased to present you with a look at Kane/Miller Book Publisher's non-secular holiday title that even Ben Stein would endorse: It's Christmas by Tina Burke.

Illustration from It's Christmas

by Tina Burke

(Kane/Miller Book Publishers, 2007)

No mention of God, baby Jesus or images of a nativity scene: The perfect gift for anyone who enjoys opening gifts on December 25th. And actually, come to think of it, Antonella and her Santa Claus is quite similar in that it doesn't speak about the religious aspects of the holiday.

Discuss amongst yourselves.