Missing Out

My son's first tooth fell out last Friday at school. His dad picked him up for the weekend and even though they told me right away my heart sank from not being able to be there and hug him and see his face when he got to share the news. He did call me and I heard the excitement in his voice so it did sort of make up for the fact that I wasn't there to also see his face the next morning when he discovered the quarter under his pillow that the Tooth Fairy left in exchange for his tooth.

Imagine my surprise when this week, his second tooth fell out at school once again. And again on a day that he would be spending the night at his dad's.

They say that going through a divorce is much like dealing with death. There's a grieving process involved and even though time heals and you are able to start seeing the positive aspects of life from your new point of view, there are still times when those raw feelings come up and bring you down.

Parents who raise their children in two homes go through this process over and over again, from having to deal with the times when they're not there for their child (nightmares, milestones, first experiences), it's an emotion that is hard to talk about, difficult to express and at times feels selfish to even acknowledge. After all, is my son missing out on anything or is it just me who's feeling left out?

His father and I share moments like this with one another because we know how important it is for all of us. We have our son call the other parent to share his excitement when things occur that we'd want to be a part of ourselves were the roles reversed, but at what point does it stop hurting? At what point do I start being excited for my son and not feel sorry about not being there? Please tell me it gets easier...

Growth Spurt

No doubt about it - my son grew since I saw him last. I dropped him off at summer camp last Monday (the 20th) and yesterday morning, when I saw him again, I could not believe how much taller he was! His first tooth is loose and it seems even his vocabulary and maturity level have increased.

I, too, grew in many ways during this past week, having time to reflect, both before and after BlogHer, along the road as Sugar Jones and I drove across country, tweeting and laughing our way from San Diego to Chicago - and back again.

This was my first BlogHer experience, and it did not disappoint. There was as much drama, laughter, drinking and learning involved as I had anticipated. Although it was a bit more intense than I imagined.

It was overwhelming. I felt slightly intimidated, but overall, it was quite humbling to be surrounded by so many great writers that I have been reading and following and even more that I am just now discovering.

As a writer, I appreciate the advice provided during the humor panel, from the talented women on stage (The Bloggess, Bern This) and the many people I met throughout the weekend (Shash, Mr. Lady, Anissa, Shauna, Redneck Mommy, Her Bad Mother and more).

Being away from my son for nine days put things into perspective for me. It reminded me of why I started writing in the first place, why I formed this company two years ago and what it is I so enjoy most of all (being a mother).

I've been laying low this week, trying to put my thoughts into words and wanting so badly to sit down and just write, but instead, I've been spending quality time with my son, stopping only for a few minutes here and there to jot some ideas down, and publishing my best material on Twitter.

My son is sitting next to me right now, on his own computer, creating online adventures that belong only to him, and this weekend, we'll be celebrating summer. Laughing, playing, and growing. Together.

Billie & The Parent Plan

I love reading books - every once in a while - to my son that are a little beyond his age range. Some people would say that it's not healthy to do so, but I find that talking about things that he doesn't know about or using words or ideas that are unfamiliar to him only provides us with starting points for some great discussions.

Billie and The Parent Plan is about a young girl who is upset with her mom for getting remarried. It turns out that her step-dad is old enough to be her grandfather and her 18-year-old step-sister is just another "adult" that Billie is not thrilled to all of a sudden be living with.

Her father was never around growing up and he wasn't discussed much in the book, but the entire premise of the book was about her having to get used to her new family and accepting these people into her home, which is something that many kids must deal with when (or if) their parents get remarried.

My son was not thrilled with this idea either. The thought of my getting married (someday) never crossed his mind and he was adamant about the fact that he was not OK with it. I wasn't going to argue with him or tell him that I was never going to get married but I have a feeling that talking about it now (as opposed to when - or if - that person comes along) will prepare him for it, if that day should ever come.

The book, by Ann Bryant, is a wonderful discussion-starter on bullying, peer pressure, and dealing with a new step-family. You can guarantee that if I ever do get remarried, my son will be so in love with the guy he'll either be our Best Man or he'll walk me down the aisle himself.

Check out more great books from Usborne and Kane Miller.

My *Hip* Hurts

I had a job interview this afternoon. Wow, was I unprepared and overdressed. I have never felt more unhip in my life.

The music playing in the lobby was loud and the employees were young and seemed to be dressed for a party, or at least like nothing I've ever seen in the casual work environments that I've been exposed to.

The interview - if I can even call it that - lasted less than five minutes and consisted of someone else doing all the talking - and boy, did she talk fast.

Afterward, I told my parents about the experience and laughed at myself for being so concerned with what I was wearing, what I looked like, how I appeared.

Suddenly, the Saturday Night Live skit featuring Stuart Smalley and his Daily Affirmation came to mind: "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me."

It was my first interview in over 8 years. I may (or may) not get called back for a second interview. Hopefully, if I do, I'll be able to have a two-sided conversation that lasts more than five minutes.

Is there anything worse than a job interview? I think I'd rather go on a first date since typically there's something in it for me, like free food or alcohol.

Speaking of dates (and alcohol), today is my son's fifth birthday. I'll be celebrating this exciting milestone tomorrow, along with the start to 2009.

Have a Happy Healthy Hip New Year!

Great Grandmas

It's hard to be away from my family during the holiday season but this year, with my grandmother passing, it's especially difficult for me to be thousands of miles away, unable to grieve with my loved ones or be there for her funeral.

I will be honoring her in my own way tomorrow, remembering the special woman who lived to be ninety after raising seven children on her own. She never once complained so I will think of her when I go through a challenging moment with my one and only child, and try especially hard to stay positive, like my grandma always did.

My grandmother truly was a unique individual and I will miss her dearly. My son was only nine months old when he met her for the first time. Here he is with my mom and my grandmother, back in 2004.

Three generations and three people who mean the world to me.

Half-Full or Half-Empty

This year, with the economy being a major issue and people's wallets feeling lighter, I want to teach my son what it means to be conservative with our spending and how it doesn't have to negatively affect our lifestyle. I want him to know that fun can still be had without having to spend money and that we can create memories that will last longer than most of his toys.

My son's birthday falls between Christmas and New Year's which is always a challenging time to schedule a birthday party. This year, my ex-husband decided to plan a party and has put everything together on his own.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't have a birthday party this year. I'd pick some fabulous activity to do with my son - and my parents who are visiting - such as taking him to see the Walking with Dinosaurs experience that I know will keep him glued to the edge of his seat. Sure, we can still do both.

But, in order to get across to my son the impact of the financial stress that everyone is having to deal with - on some level - I was hoping to include on our invitations that no presents are necessary. I think having his friends' presence, instead, would be much more meaningful. After all, I know five months from now my son won't remember which toy he received from whom but he will remember who was there to celebrate his special day.

I expressed all of these ideas to my ex-husband. We typically get along great, sharing in our son's life as much as possible and communicating often so that we're aware of what's going on in school and at each other's homes.

This morning I touched a nerve when I requested that our son invite each of the children from his class. He's been having difficulty getting along with one boy, in particular, and he mentioned that he didn't want to invite him to the party.

Working with families and helping parents and educators deal with children who are going through a challenging period makes me more sensitive to those who have trouble communicating and expressing their emotions. I know that this is the type of child that my son wants to exclude from his party but I would hate to see that happen.

My ex-husband feels otherwise. He thinks it's perfectly acceptable to exclude this boy from the celebration. We argued about it and I tried to explain my position but ended up in tears. I was trying to defend myself while my son's father yelled and belittled me. He claims that I am choosing another child over my own and that if we invite this boy and he ruins our son's party that he will hold me personally accountable and will never forgive me. He even went so far as to say that he hopes our son never puts his trust in me. Ouch.


I hesitated to blog about this, at first, but after venting on Facebook and receiving some positive feedback, I want more. I want to know if perhaps I'm in the wrong here. Perhaps I should exclude this boy and "punish him" (my ex-husband's choice of words) for being a bully.

My argument was that he would be even more of a bully if he were to find out he was the only one not invited to the party when he's already feeling isolated by the children who verbally express their unwillingness to play with him or be his friend.

Let me also say that these kids are 4 and 5 years old. They're just now learning how to communicate, how to work together and how to get along. They're still figuring things out. I want to give this boy the benefit of the doubt. I want to give him another chance to make things right and include him, regardless of his actions and behavior from the past.

I was taught to treat others like we want to be treated, to turn the other cheek and to forgive and forget. I want to pass down these same lessons to my son but suddenly I'm feeling unsure, doubting my decisions and my parenting skills. As someone who works with parents, this is not a good thing to be experiencing.

What is your opinion of this situation? How would you feel if you were a parent of a child excluded from a birthday party? How would you explain to your own child why it's important to love, unconditionally? Is it too late to get the point across to an adult who typically sees the glass as half-empty?

Wanted: Male Models

Gail Giles is a young adult author who recently wrote an article in School Library Journal that touched on a topic close to home. As a single mom of a young boy, I really work at trying to get my son involved in reading, sports and anything else that interests him (dinosaurs, cars, action figures). I want him to be educated, active and intellectual. He, of course, will become the young person he's meant to become but for now, his interest in reading and books in general is pretty amazing.

In September, when his Pre-K teachers asked him what he wanted to learn this year his response was, "how to make books." He makes his own books at home, from comic books to newspapers. He's into pretending right now and reading and drawing are also of high interest.

From what Gail says in her article, Wanted: Male Models, I know that won't last so I enlist my dad and other male role models to help instill a love of reading that I hope will last. She writes:

A boy doesn't want to be a woman. He wants to do what a man does. And if he doesn't see a man reading, he won't read.

My dad is staying with us for the next three weeks and he loves to read. Both he and my mom taught me at a young age that reading can open your world and can provide you with experiences and insight that you might not be able to get elsewhere. You can explore different ways of living and get to know people unlike yourself.

I can't help but think that the type of books children are exposed to also makes a big impact on whether or not they'll continue to want to pick up a book later in life. My son, for example, enjoys non-fiction books. He likes reading books that tell him things, show him how to build things or how people invented machines or put things together. He likes numbers and facts, memorizing details like young boys used to quote baseball stats on the back of their collectible baseball cards. (Do kids still do that?)

Personally, I enjoy fiction, escaping into worlds unknown and stories that I know could only be make-believe. I've grown to appreciate non-fiction books over the last few years since I see how excited my son gets when seeing real photographs or images of dinosaurs that he will never be able to see in real life. I pick up books and suggest titles that he doesn't want to read. I let him select books and I'm always amazed at what intrigues him, what captures his attention and what will keep him still - and paying attention - for twenty minutes a day.

Luckily, there are great websites that also keep me up to date with what other boys - and older men - are into reading. That way, I can get familiar with what to introduce to him as he gets older, guiding him to the perfect book that he'll grow into and stories he can share with his classmates, cousins, and Grandpa.

Here are just a few articles and sites that I found to help other parents and educators get their young boys to read:

Boys Rule! Boys Read!
Boys Read
Guys Read

Why dads should read to their children
Why dads should read aloud

And a great resource guide: Gotcha for Guys!: Nonfiction Books to Get Boys Excited About Reading

I Heart Obama

The votes are still being counted but I can’t help but want to celebrate. Never before, in my lifetime, have I been as moved as when Barack Obama speaks.

I’ve heard Presidents and leaders of all races, sex and religions speak, either live or in footage from years and moments past. Dr. Martin Luther King spoke with great authority, sincerity and in a respectful and loving manner.

The parenting classes I am certified to teach demand that parents seek the respect they deserve from their children while instilling a safe and comfortable environment for them to grow, explore, ask, learn and choose from.

My son knows much about the election process and this year’s candidates since I’ve been watching nothing else but the campaign trail, watching footage on TV, viewing videos online, reading articles in newspapers, opinions from all sorts and feel inspired, excited and aroused by the Obama campaign.

Each and every time I hear or see Obama, I fall a bit deeper in love. He is someone who I trust, admire, respect and yes, love. He has an energy that surrounds him that can be seen by all (who have not walked through life wearing blinders).

This morning, I made a comment on how Barack Obama was going to be the next President and my next husband. My son didn’t miss a beat. He said, “No, he’s not going to be your next husband.” I didn’t want to argue since he chose this statement to disagree with (as opposed to the comment I made about his role in U.S.).

I asked my son who he thought my next husband would be and again, without hesitation, he said – in a tone that reminded me of his father – “You should find a guy name NEVER.”

Laughter is truly the best medicine and the things my son comes up with are priceless. I’ll get over it – the fact that Barack Obama will not be my next husband, but I have no doubt that he will be known after tomorrow, as President Obama.

Congratulations – in advance – to the Obama family, The First Lady and First Daughters. I am honored that my son will have the memory of this historical moment to look back on as his first introduction to American politics.

Tattooed Moms

I got my first tattoo when I was in high school. My best friend pulled out some Indian ink and a safety pin to permanently mark me up as I lay on the bathroom floor at her mother's house. It's hidden below my bikini line so not many people get a chance to see it.

Years - and several more tattoos - later, she's still my best friend (she's getting married in a few weeks) but the tattoo I'm most proud of is the one that lies on my chest. LaSara Firefox has a tattoo on hers as well and when I mentioned this coincidence, she asked about mine.

LaSara's tattoo

People comment or ask me about this particular tattoo all the time (when it's not covered up by clothing) and I enjoy sharing the story behind it.

Permanent reminders are often painful and this one is no exception. While the process of getting the tattoo was not painful, it does bring up a past experience that was and has brought me to the place I am today.

I found out that I was pregnant (unexpectedly) during my Senior year of college. I was dating a guy one year younger than me and I was working part-time and attending school full-time to try and finish my college career in exactly four years.

While the news of my pregnancy was not something that I was truly ready to embrace, I decided, after several sleepless nights and many emotionally-charged debates with my then-boyfriend, to keep the baby. As pro-choice as I am and have always been, not having the baby was never the choice for me.

I grew fond of the idea of being a mother very quickly, almost instantly. In a matter of weeks, I was a proud, pregnant woman who was ready to graduate from college and embark on the amazing journey of motherhood. My boyfriend would be joining me on the adventure.

Family, friends, classmates, and professors were made aware of the pregnancy and of my plans to get my degree and raise my child with the father. I was ecstatic and ready and yet so unprepared for what was to come.

I experienced a miscarriage in the third month which is not unusual at all. Everyone knows that the first twelve weeks are the most critical and my announcement very early on in the pregnancy only led to greater heartache when it was time to share my loss with everyone who was still getting around to congratulate us.

Without realizing it at the time, that was the beginning of a great state of depression for me. I ended up running away - or at least trying to - by moving across the country to San Diego (after dropping out of school).

I started my life over in a new place where no one knew me or my story but I still longed for a way to keep the memory of this experience with me as a reminder of the change and evolution that pregnancy brought about within me.

My then-boyfriend and I had been creating a tattoo together in honor of our unborn child. With the design in hand, I marched into a tattoo parlor on the date she would've been due (October 18, 1999) and sat down to have the symbol permanently placed on my chest, the place where my hand always went whenever I talked about the pregnancy and miscarriage, or thought about my unborn child.

I think about how old she would be now. I think about what type of relationship I would have with her. I wonder if she knows how much she means to me.

She is very real to me and when I see other nine-year-old girls, I struggle to picture a face that I will never be able to see.

My life started over that day, the day I had the symbolic tattoo placed next to my heart. I began a new life then, a fresh start on the adventure that has led me here: I'm Mom to a nearly five-year-old boy. I have a wonderful career, great friends and enjoy single life in San Diego and I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

I've always loved the quote that states, "That which does not kill us only makes us stronger," and I know that I am a much better parent for having grown and evolved from the person I was before that first pregnancy.

Living without regrets is my ultimate goal in this life. Every moment moves us forward on this great journey that has been mapped out for us.

My son and I, 2004

I am still friends with the father of my unborn child. We share pictures of our children and exchange stories and I know from the sparkle in his eye when he talks about his role as a father and husband, that our daughter was put in our life for a reason. She has taught us to let go, enabled us to evolve and inspire us to love without expecting anything in return.

And yes, when you see me talk about my tattoo, you will see that same sparkle in my eye and perhaps a tear or two that fall, not in mourning for a child who will never age, but for the hope that she will never be forgotten.

March Madness

My son spent a week in Hawaii with his dad. Then, I gave him about 24 hours to adjust - not only to the time change but to the climate before he and I jumped on a plane to Minnesota.

I had to go there for work, but took advantage of the fact that my family is there to spend a few extra days and bring my son along.

He spent plenty of time with his grandparents, aunt & uncle, and his cousin, who is going to be a big brother pretty soon.

It's always nice to see Cinimod so happy and excited to spend time with family. He literally jumped up and down when he learned he'd be spending time with his cousin again. They had a blast together and little JT cried when they had to say goodbye after the two of them spent the entire day together (with Grandma).

Today, though, before we got on the plane to return to San Diego, my son tried a couple of times to hug JT goodbye. I think he was sad to see Cinimod go. He wouldn't hug him and refused to give him a high-five (he gave everyone else one).

It's nice to know we'll be missed but I know it'll be that much sweeter as the boys get older and are able to really hang out and spend some much-needed male bonding time together as they grow up together.

I Thought You'd Never Ask

A neighbor sent this to me via email and although I deleted several questions from this long list, I did answer honestly to the ones below. I also added a few of my own but that's only for me to know which ones. I was asked to forward it on to friends and family or risk bad luck for years to come...I'll take my chances.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
About 5am

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the theatre?
Atonement

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Project Runway

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Cereal or coffee

6. What is your middle name?
Santos (I changed it from Lea to my given name when I got married)

7. What kind of car do you drive?
Nissan Quest

8. Favorite sandwich?
BLT

9. What characteristic do you despise?
Arrogance

10. Favorite item of clothing?
T shirt & jeans

11. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Northern Ireland to visit my girlfriend or New Zealand or Australia, or Costa Rica...oh heck. I really could use a vacation.

12. Favorite brand of clothing?
True Religion (jeans) or Juicy Couture

13. Where would you retire to?
Not sure - I have time to think about this, right?

14. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
30 - Celebrated in Vegas with my girly-friends.

15. Favorite sport to watch?
Horse Racing

16. When is your birthday?
April 8

17. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night owl

18. What is your shoe size?
7.5

19. Pets?
No

20. What did you want to grow up to be when you were little?
A teacher

21. What is your favorite candy?
Butterfinger

22. What is your favorite flower?
Dahlia

23. What day on the calendar are you most looking forward to?
End of January when I will head to CO to go snowboarding

24. What was the last thing you ate?
Ice cream

25. Do you wish on stars?
Every chance I get

26. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Brick Red

27. How is the weather right now?
Rainy

28. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
My ex-husband

29. Favorite soft drink?
Root Beer

30. Hair color?
Auburn

31. Eye color?
Brown

32. Summer or winter?
Summer

33. Hugs or kisses?
Both

34. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate

35. Coffee or tea?
Coffee

36. When was the last time you cried?
Friday night

37. Last time you laughed?
Before bed with my son

38. What did you do last night?
Spent quality time with my son

39. What are you afraid of?
Having my heart broken (again)

40. Salty or sweet?
Salty

41. How many keys on your key-ring?
Several

42. How many years at your current job?
7 years this March

43. Favorite day of the week?
Any day my son's with me

44. How many different cities have you lived in?
3 (so far)

45. Do you have any regrets?
NONE

Videos of my Little Guy

Photobucket Album

Resolutions for Raising a Reader

Elizabeth Kennedy of About.com: Children's Books reminds us how important it is for us as parents to set a good example in order to help our children to become lifelong learners and lovers of literature.

Her resolutions can be found in full detail in her latest posting, but here is a quick outline of what she recommends for ways to get ready for a New Year of reading with our young ones:

1. Read aloud to your children every day.
2. Get a library card.
3. Take your children to the library once a week.
4. Discuss children's books with your children.
5. Take your children to story times, author visits, and other public programs.
6. Buy books that you know will interest your child.
7. Create a comfortable reading space for your child.
8. Visit the websites of favorite authors and illustrators.
9. Once a week, cook together using a children's cookbook.
10. Buy your children a good dictionary and use it regularly.

These are all fabulous ideas and ones that I plan to incorporate in our weekly routine. Spending time reading together is a great way to bond. My son once told me that he liked it when I read to him because I kiss the top of his head.

Today's his birthday. I have two new books to read with him and I can't wait for our trip to the library later this week so he can bring home his own discoveries from the library.

Thanks to Elizabeth for this wonderful reminder.

Four Years Young

My son turns four today. Everyone tells you - when your baby is first born - how quickly he or she will grow up, but it's not until you experience it for yourself do you truly understand how precious these early years really are.

He fell asleep on my lap on the airplane the other day. He was completely curled up in a ball and he fit quite nicely in the space between my hips and knees. I couldn't help but think of how difficult it will be in just a few years to get him to sit still long enough for me to hold him that closely.

I count my blessings each and every day. We're happy, healthy and growing to be a more hip family as the days go by. My son's pretty lucky. In fact, I tell him that every day. "Yeah, it's my lucky day," he repeats back to me and smiles.

Those who know him - and love him - are truly the lucky ones.

Bad Mommy

I was reading an article in the November issue of Canadian Family magazine, on guilt. The main illustration on the page shows a name tag that reads, "Hello. My name is Bad Mom." I read it to my son followed by my question to him, "What makes a bad mom?" He said, "Not you. You're not a bad mom." If only he knew how easy it is for him to make my day.

The article discusses just five examples of parental guilt, from breastfeeding to TV but it doesn't cover the plethora of guilt-ridden behaviors and activities that I can honestly say I've experienced, or have had other moms discuss with me.

Going back to work must be the biggest guilt-inducing decision one could make. I know moms who are successful and proud of their accomplishments and the career and yet the guilt is still present. There are also moms who made the decision to stay at home, not returning to work and they too feel guilt.

I can only speak for the fellow women in my life but I have little doubt that there are men out there who experience parental guilt to the same degree.

One of the parental workshops that I offer is Balancing Work and Family, an important concept for parents to remember as they become busier and busier as the children in their homes get older.

I too need to remind myself more often about putting my work down at the end of the day and focusing on my son during our time together. I have more New Year's resolutions to put down in writing, but this is my first.

The Best Medicine

I have to agree that laughter is the best medicine but sometimes it's hard to know when it is or is not appropriate to laugh because of something a child has done, or said. Too often I have found myself laughing out loud when my son has done or said something so cute or utterly ridiculous. I say too often because there are several instances when he gets upset and tells me that "it's not funny."

Despite these rare occasions, my son has quite the sense of humor. But he's not laughing tonight.

Tonight is the first night that I've been away from my son when he hasn't been with his father. He's been with either one of us every day since he was born. My mom is staying with him for the next few nights and I know exactly how she must have felt when he called me up tonight, crying and asking for me.

He goes to school tomorrow where he'll be asked to join in the usual weekday routine. I'll feel much better when he's surrounded by his friends and teachers, instead of at the house, thinking about my not being there.

Adjusting to changes can be difficult for young children and tensions arise when they're expected to understand the concept of time when all they want is their Mom or Dad to kiss them goodnight, or right Now!

I'll be falling asleep tonight in an over-sized bed, thinking about my son and how I wish I were lying next to him. He's not going to remember this trip years from now, or will he?

I still - to this day - remember, vividly, not wanting to stay with my Aunt and Uncle when my parents left my sister and I at their house while they were away. We must have been there for more than one night but all I remember is standing at the edge of the bed - refusing to climb in to go to sleep - and crying. I wanted my own bed, my own house, and my Mom to be there when I woke up.

I also remember inviting my cousin over for a sleepover when we were in elementary school. I believe it was about midnight when my parents finally got her in the car to take her home because she was so homesick.

I appreciate the fact that my parents helped me to become more independent, learn the importance of trust, and to have faith that they will always be there for me, even if they aren't always there.

I have a feeling that my son will be just as upset when Grandma leaves next week as he was tonight and I'm pretty sure that not that long afterwards he'll ask me when she's coming to stay once again.

It Takes a Village

I am not the first one in my circle to have a baby (OK, my son is technically not a baby - he turns 4 at the end of the month), but I am the first among us - that I'm aware of - to become a Certified Parent Educator.

In no way does that mean that I am certified to actually be a parent. Anyone can do that. That's the easy part: creating a child, bringing him or her into the world. The challenge comes afterwards and the more verbal and active the little beings become, the bigger the challenge.

One of my best girlfriends contacted me recently for some helpful words of wisdom. You see, with my son (and high-conflict divorce) I've pretty much dealt with every possible parenting issue under the sun. The fact that my sister (whose son is 18 months younger than mine) and my friend who is ten years older than me (give or take) come to me with questions regarding their little ones and the ages and stages that they're in gives me strength and encouragement that I hope I am able to reflect back to them.

That I've been there, done that, proves nothing except for the fact that we all - as parents - must go through the same things, exactly the same things. Whether our kids hit, bite, talk back, or repeat something we've said, our children will still continue look to us for advice, guidance and for our unconditional love and support.

Now, I can't speak for all parents, but I know that there are certainly days when I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and wonder how on earth I could possibly survive another day with the energetic bundle of bones that is jumping on me, screaming and crying loud enough to wake the neighbors (and still somehow manage to make me smile through it all).

Those are the days - and nights - when I wonder how I will possibly get to work (and function) on little or no sleep. Then there are the times when I wish I could play hooky, when I wish I could just sit up all night and watch my little guy sleep (and listen to what he says while he's dreaming).

Having a child is the most rewarding, life-altering and life-enhancing experience. I only have one (so far) and while there are those who struggle to bring a baby into this world, and those who simply choose not to even try, I must admit that having a child was not my choice.

What I mean is that, for a brief period of time, I thought I would never have kids. Then I got pregnant, unexpectedly, in college, and lost the baby just a few months later. I lost more than my unborn child that day and it took me a long time - years, in fact - to finally come to the realization that life does what it will with us.

I ended up moving to San Diego after the miscarriage, meeting my son's father, getting married, and creating our beautiful child together before moving on and separating our lives and dividing our time.

I could dwell on the negative aspects of all of this, like the fact that my son cries himself to sleep quite often, always missing the other parent, but instead, I choose to look at the positive things that my son is getting from this experience of moving back and forth between two worlds.

He is loved. He is challenged. He is learning to adjust, learning to live under different sets of rules, habits and climates. He is growing to love each of us for our strengths and despite our weaknesses. Our ability to apologize (profusely) and ask for forgiveness enables our son to see the ups and downs of life, the best and worst of people.

Life leads us in many different directions. Some may seem predictable, some come to us as a complete surprise. Parenthood is like that too. We should all be so lucky. And we should all be lucky to have friends and family to turn to - for advice, a shoulder to cry on, or to brag about our little one's achievements.

I feel honored that my girlfriends come to me for any number of these things. I love sharing the horror stories of parenthood with them - along with the mommy moments that make us proud. I am proud of all the Mommies in my life - especially my own - for teaching me to be a better parent.

Kiss Me

My son and I had a rough night last night. It usually takes about 24 hours to adjust between his staying with his dad for the weekend and his coming back with me. I felt pretty awful though because he was refusing to sleep at my house and begging me to bring him to his dad's. We both ended up crying ourselves to sleep. Of course, he slept through the night. I tossed and turned and did not get much sleep at all.

Tonight was much better - the complete opposite of yesterday's experience. He played in the bathtub tonight and seemed to really enjoy himself for the first time in a long time since he's been having issues lately with not wanting his hair washed and wanting to get out of the tub right away after I terrorize him with shampoo and water. When I was drying him off tonight he actually said he had fun in the bath.

Then, when he was laying down in his bed and I was watching him fall asleep, he sat up and asked if he could sleep on my lap. How could I possibly say no to that? He curled up on my lap before setting his head on my shoulder and fell asleep about five minutes later, just seconds after he whispered, "Kiss me."

I was moved to tears all over again.

For the Love of...

Jen Robinson is a smart and thoughtful blogger. She's one of a handful of kidlit blogsters who I correspond with and have tried to meet up with in her hometown of San Jose, where I also have family.

I was away last week and fell behind on my blog reading. Jen Robinson's Book Page is always the place where I find myself slowing down, nodding in agreement, and thinking how intimidating Jen is (she's so much more worldly and intelligent than me).

Anywho, she mentioned in a recent post, her love of reading and how she feels it led to her education at Duke University. I am convinced that my love of reading and my desire to be close to books led me to my dream job, but I digress. This is not about work or college.

My story begins in late 2003. I'm eight months pregnant and sitting on the floor in front of my (then) husband, surrounded by dozens of other just-as-pregnant couples, all of whom are strangers. The two teachers are irritating me, as is everyone there (hormones) and I'm emotional, tired, hungry and just want to know when I'd be able to receive an epidural (I had no idea that I'd end up having a c-section at this point).

At one point, one of the teachers asks us all, one at a time, to share one of our partner's traits that we hope will be passed on to our unborn child. Luckily, my partner and I are in the middle of the half-circle so I'm grateful that I will have time to listen to every one's responses and to come up with an even better one of my own.

People around us are saying things like, "Her smile, or his sense of humor," along with other physical traits that I can't understand. I mean, I of course want my child to be healthy and happy, but I never thought about wanting him to have certain physical features.

When it came to our turn to speak, I was proud of both my answer and my partner. I spoke up loud and clear and let everyone know that the one trait in my partner I hoped would be passed along to our son would be his work ethic. He's a very hard worker and does everything he can to provide for his family.

I thought this was it. I was done. I no longer had to speak or participate for the rest of the day so I let my guard down. My partner (who I couldn't see because I was leaning back upon his chest), said, "I hope our son inherits her love of reading." I would've fainted if I hadn't already been sitting down. Tears poured out of my eyes and I was literally choking up over his thoughtful response and probably the biggest compliment one could ever pay me.

I have been working hard every day to make sure that my son does inherit my love of reading. I think that part of my job is done, as he enjoys heading to the library, the local bookstore, or my office, which is of course lined with bookshelves.

My son is already a hard worker and I can see how dedicated and focused he is on whatever task or challenge is presented to him. He's inherited his dad's smile, his mother's patience and his grandparents' red hair. And who knows? He could end up at Duke someday, too.

The Wicked Witch of the West

Throughout the Denver Broncos game last night, and during the entire half-time, the TV screen kept flashing with updates about the evacuated areas in Southern California due to the growing winds that kept the nearby fires spreading.

I had a flashback to 4 years ago to the date - just about - when I was six months pregnant with my son, and my ex-husband and I were just moving into the place where my son and I still reside. We drove South, past the wildfires that had just jumped across Highway 15 towards the direction of our new home, which we hadn't even slept in at that point.

Fast forward four years and my son and I are inside, doors and windows shut tight, air conditioner and humidifier running while all I could smell was fire. What used to be a pleasant reminder of bonfires is now a brutal reality that the fires could once again spread quickly and threaten our home and of course, those in our neighboring communities.

We watched the news - and the football game - and after my son fell asleep I made sure I had packed away the belongings and personal items that I would take with us come morning.

I really couldn't get much sleep. I kept tossing and turning. The smell of smoke grew stronger throughout the night, as did the howling winds and I kept thinking about what we would do, where we would go, what I would take with us.

Just as I assumed, the morning sun did not peek through the smoke. Ash was now falling from the sky. My son and I made two trips to the car before finally feeling ready to leave, not knowing when exactly we'd be back. I ended up taking him into the Kane/Miller office with me while I took care of a few things, but mostly just needed the comfort of being around other people. There was no reason to really be working since a State of Emergency had been declared for all of San Diego County, as well as six other counties in Southern California.

My son is with his dad this evening. I am staying with one of the founders of Kane/Miller, as she has kindly opened up her home to me. This is the first time I have spent the night here but certainly not the first time her spare bedroom has been offered. In fact, I had a key to her house on my key chain for nearly six months after my ex-husband filed for divorce and things started to become unsettled in the home front.

I have become rather close with the Kane family and all of the employees during my nearly seven years with the company. I am grateful for all they have done for me, both personally and professionally. It was Mrs. Kane and her husband who first initiated me on my first business trip back in 2001. It was Mr. Kane who introduced me to anchovies during that same visit to Baltimore. And it is with the Kane family who my son and I will spend Thanksgiving with, as we have done every year (with one exception) since I started working for Kane/Miller.

I can't imagine working for anyone else after all this time. I have fantastic co-workers who are wonderful individuals and have become family to my son and I.

We are safe this evening and we are grateful for every one's kind thoughts and prayers and can only hope that all of the good karma that's due comes our way this evening.

The Santa Ana winds are supposed to get worse over the next few days. Homes just North and East of my neighborhood have been evacuated, including the home of one of our staff members.

After the Cedar Fires of 2003, the county and city of San Diego, the people, and the emergency crews are better prepared. Evacuations have been prompting people out of their homes with time to spare but the fires are unpredictable, the winds are sporadic and the resources are scarce.

The Witch Fires of 2007 have already been determined to be the worst fires that Southern California has ever seen and I hope and pray that all of those that have been evacuated can recover from this devastating loss once the fires have died down and our lives are meant to return to normal.