It's a Boy!

Because I was a tomboy and have always felt comfortable around males (I had two male roommates during my last year of college), when I found out, five and a half years ago, that I was pregnant with a baby boy, I was very excited. I also looked forward to having my own father involved in his life, more so - I imagined - than he was during my childhood.

Growing up with a sister always made me that much more interested and curious about males since they were a little foreign to me. I was jealous of my friends who had brothers, either younger or older than us. But, for some reason, when it came time to thinking about raising my son on my own (when his father and I separated), I thought that it would be no problem. I thought, from my feminist point of view, that boys and girls were pretty much the same. They - all children - need love, attention and discipline in order to thrive and survive.

As my son got older, started talking and becoming more active and aggressive, I realized, for the first time probably, just how different boys and girls truly are. Yes, we are all still equals, but to ignore the differences between men and women would do us all a disservice.

I picked up a copy of Dr. Michael Thompson's book, It's a Boy! to figure out ways to enhance my son's self-esteem as he gets older and continues to develop. Since my son recently turned five, I grabbed the book off the shelf once again to read the chapters devoted to boys his age, boys who are getting ready to start school and who continue to become more masculine as they develop and become the "little men" that they are designed to be.

One of the concerns we hear about in the media, regarding boys especially, is their risk for developing and being diagnosed with ADD. It's often difficult to gain our son's attention or have them focus on tasks or assignments in school. As parents, Dr. Thompson claims that there are four things we can do to help children gain good attentional abilities:

1. Turn off the screen (TV or computer)
   
2. Provide a quiet play space where you are nearby
3. Play games with your son (regularly but not constantly)
4. Protect that precious time by not scheduling him into too many after-school activities
   

Another important element to nurturing a young boy's self-esteem is to provide him with opportunities to explore the arts, whether it be music, drawing, clay or woodwork. As Dr. Thompson has seen in over thirty years of working with young boys, "experience in the arts allows a boy to feel a sense of satisfaction that he cannot experience in any other realm of his life. And it allows him insight into himself that he cannot obtain in any other way." He can look at the final result and say to himself, "This is mine. I made it. It represents me."

Many parents that I work with often have difficulties or challenges with communicating or dealing with their sons (more often than with their daughters). I am able to offer them some insight based on my own experiences, along with great advice that Dr. Thompson outlines in this book.

Some fathers often become frustrated with their sons because they feel as though they do not want to spend time with them. Around the age of twelve, young boys really need their fathers and will look to them as role models and companions, someone whom they will strive to be just like as they get older.

Moms raising boys on their own wonder what they can do to help their young boys feel capable and confident. Since boys like to feel needed and useful, simply asking for their help , beginning at an early age, will help. Thompson refers to author Thomas Lickona who says there are three things that will help a boy build strong character: habits of the heart (their desire to want to help), habits of the mind (recognizing situations where help is needed), and habits of practice (following through and providing help). Providing opportunities for your son to help out is vital and as they get older, their responsibilities may shift from having them help you in the kitchen to helping with a major task that requires a bit more "elbow grease."

Another question that comes up when working with single mothers is communication about their child's father, who are not be involved in their lives. Thompson states that it's important for moms to mention their father whenever her son does something that reminds her of him. "He needs to hear that he came from a living, breathing man and that that is a good thing in your eyes."

What else can a father do to help guide a young boy struggling to become more independent? Thompson lists several things that both mom and dad can do:

• Listen and ask questions
• Don't look over your son's shoulder at every move he makes
• Draw the line between being an advocate and being an enabler
• Be generous with praise, honest and vocal about your love and firm with discipline
• Focus on his gifts and talents
• Let your son grow
• Don't make excuses for your son
• Model responsible communication for solving problems
• Set limits and stick to them
• Never say, "My son would never do that."
• Create realistic expectations by letting your son fail in order to allow him to figure out how to succeed on his own.
  

Finally, one of the most important issues that Thompson addresses is how to help your son celebrate the milestone of finally becoming a man. Since society doesn't honor any specific rituals for when a boy truly steps into manhood, parents can create opportunities for their adolescent son to have their own rite of initiation, perhaps something outdoors, where there is the chance for them to experience both commitment and courage, sharing a sense of mission with other young men his age.

Many examples and stories are gathered in this insightful and resourceful guide from Thompson's experience working with boys and men for the majority of his career. As a parent, educator or someone trying to understand their own development, this is a wonderful book to have during any stage of a young man's life as well as a great gift for those wanting a deeper and stronger connection with the male child.

Sesame Street Revamps Website

My son has outgrown Sesame Street although we still watch PBS Kids from time to time. I especially enjoy WordGirl, Between the Lions, Arthur, Super WHY!, WordWorld, and Dragon Tales.

I recently heard that Sesame Street has revamped its website so I had to check it out. I can't even tell you how much fun my son and I have playing games on line. He first learned his colors and how to use the computer mouse from the learning activities found on this family-friendly website. Now, he's learning basic math skills from Cyber Chase and I can't begin to describe how safe I feel when he's on the site, having fun and learning at the same time.

I often get letters in the mail from Sesame Workshop, asking for donations. I will tell you that even though my son no longer watches Sesame Street, I will always send them money since I know how valuable those early experiences with language and learning truly are to my child's development.

If you haven't visited the Sesame Street since it made some improvements, head over now. The site for parents includes many great tips, such as the article on Understanding How Preschoolers Handle Stress or Handling Delicate or Hurtful Situations.

The Importance of Play

How much time do you set aside each day for play? No matter what your age - or the age of your children - play is vital to your health and longevity. With technology and medical research helping people to live longer than ever before, staying young at heart is just as important as staying physically fit.

Six types of play are outlined in the PsyBlog article that I recently discovered:

1. Unoccupied Play
2. Solitary Play
3. Onlooker Play
4. Parallel Play
5. Associate Play
6. Cooperative Play

"Through play children learn and practice many basic social skills. They develop a sense of self, learn to interact with other children, how to make friends, how to lie and how to role-play."

According to Mildred Parten, from the Institute of Child Development in Minnesota, "Learning to play is learning how to relate to others."

Read more on play and how children learn to work together.

Getting Around

I've been finding great articles and blog posts around the web these last few days. Here are several that caught my attention:

• How to Talk To Your Daughter About Sex
• 56 Reasons to Have Sex
• How to Break Up with Parental Baggage
• Hooking Up: I Just Want to Be Your Lover

In case anyone is wondering about my interest in sex articles lately, it's because I'm working on writing a curriculum for a parenting workshop on discussing sexuality with children of all ages and developmental stages.

I've put together a survey of questions that will serve to provide me with more insight on what adults have to say about their introduction to sex and the conversations they may or may not have had with their own parents about the topic. Thanks in advance for your participation.

Parenting Party Sponsor - KABOOST

I can't recall how I discovered KABOOST, but it couldn't have been introduced to me at a more convenient time. I recently threw away my son's booster chair and very quickly realized that there was no alternative for him. He's now sitting on a phone book...until the new Kaboost (in green, my son's favorite color) arrives.

If this video doesn't sell you, think about this - the only reason that phone books are still being printed is because not enough parents know about these chair boosters. Green your home by purchasing a KABOOST portable chair booster today.

Join us at the upcoming Parenting Party for a chance to win your very own Kaboost portable chair booster and carrying bag. You can bring it with you to Grandma's house, on vacation or when you head out to your neighborhood family-friendly restaurant.

Where Do the Children Play?

Last night, I attended a fund raising event at my son's school. Not only did I meet some great people from the community, but I also had the opportunity to hear some fabulous speakers and meet authors of books that I highly recommend.

The event was entitled PLAY: Creating Space for Imaginative Play in an Over-Scheduled Society. Along with the keynote speakers (Jan Tober, Mallika Chopra and Dr. Anthony DeMaria), they showed the PBS documentary, Where Do the Children Play? which was phenomenal. I highly recommend it to all parents, grandparents, educators and anyone else interested in child development.

I would really like to know where I can send people to see the film for themselves. I've searched at both ShopPBS.Org and the official PBS website but it is so new that it isn't yet available for purchase!

San Diego Women's Networking Event

I attended a networking event over the weekend, where I met many wonderful business owners from the area.

Julie's Party People

Zi Design

Interestingly enough, many of these companies were those I'd have recommended to others, had I discovered them on my own.

Busy Nest Cards

The Closet Party

Having met so many successful business-owners at this event, I'm even more inspired now to share my services through Happy Healthy Hip Parenting.

I was thrilled to be talking to others about my company and to discuss the importance of family with parents like myself and to encourage them to see the value of investing in the most rewarding relationships they will ever have - the relationship between parent and child as well as the relationship between co-parents.

Discovery Toys

Already, after marketing and advertising for only six months I have received a number of inquires, enrolled several people in the parenting workshops scheduled at Java Mama in La Mesa, and have witnessed amazing moms and dads with unique family dynamics learn to work together and welcome into their lives a new way of communicating and growing as a family.

San Diego Bargain Mama

Pigtails & Crewcuts

There are many unique and wonderful family-owned businesses in the San Diego area. I encourage you to check out the companies listed here and include any comments you may have about these, or other locally-owned businesses that you support.

Play Based Learning

My 4-year old son has a much different childhood than mine already. He not only knows how to work the DVD player and his own DVD remote controlled video game, but he can text message (the ABCs) and can work the mouse - and my computer - better than I can. Which is why I'm thrilled that he will be going to school next fall - Pre-K - which is play based. It is so important for children to explore, discover and learn through hands-on projects, experiments and work together to create.

There has been much research on play based learning and, just recently, I have been introduced to the concept of playtime and just how much children benefit from the non-structured activity that I grew up with outdoors, indoors - in the winter - and throughout my youth.

Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but I was one of those people who chose to have kids because I enjoy playing. I still do and I - hopefully - always will. A recent study done in the UK was quite disappointing to read, although it didn't really surprise me. The Pica Perspective sums it all up quite nicely.

And, because I feel play is so vital to today's youth, I dug up some quotes related to play to inspire the child in all of us to remember what it was like to be young and having "nothing to do."

"Play is the highest expression of human development in childhood, for it alone is the free expression of what is in a child's soul." - Friedrich Froebel

"You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." - Plato

“Play is the highest form of research.” - Albert Einstein

"We do not stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing." - George Bernard Shaw

"You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play." - Warren Beatty

"If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play." -John Cleese

"The parent who gets down on the floor to play with a child on Christmas Day is usually doing a most remarkable thing -- something seldom repeated during the rest of the year. These are, after all, busy parents committed to their work or their success in the larger society, and they do not have much left-over time in which to play with their children." - Brian Sutton-Smith

"It should be noted that children at play are not playing about; their games should be seen as their most serious-minded activity." - Michel de Montaigne