Grandma Says I Can!

The Juicebox Jungle has a new video up this week, entitled "Grandma Says I Can!" which is all about the relationship between our children and their grandparents. Many parents bite their tongues when it comes to the situations our parents or in-laws let our offspring get away with. They never let us get away with those same things when we were their age.

My mom and dad live thousands of miles away. My son's other grandma lives even further. So, needless to say, I pretty much accept the fact that their role will consist of some spoiling behavior and I just shake my head when I see my parents give my son chocolate in between meals.

My mom (aka Grandma Sylvie) continues to inspire me. She takes care of my nephews at least once a week and even survived an overnight with the 1-year-old.

She sent me some great quotes about being a grandparent and I suspect there's probably many more which she felt the need to filter out!

"Grandchildren: The only people who get more out of you than the IRS." - Gene Perret

"My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel." - Gene Perret

If you're a grandparent, please share your favorite quote with us. If you have a parent (or grandparent) in your life who can appreciate this, please pass it along. We wouldn't be here if it weren't for them!

The #1 Genetic Killer of Infants

Even though I'm exhausted, I need to share this message that I received today from a dear friend. I had to read it several times before I was able to really register what it said.

"As you know, my sister and her partner had a baby girl this past October. Yesterday, after many, many tests, the baby was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1, SMA for short. Unfortunately, there's no cure and as the disease progresses it rapidly attacks the nerves, affecting her breathing and muscle development. As of now they have given her 3 months - 1 year. On top of this, because both my sister and her partner carry the gene that causes this, any children they have in the future will most likely be born with this as well. My family is strong and has handled stuff like this many times, but it's devastating. After they put in the feeding tube this week they will be able to bring her home where they will try to give her more love and comfort. There is hope...there's always hope. There is an experimental drug that can help hold off the progress while they research for a cure. She will be receiving this drug in hopes that they can find a cure."

My heart is breaking for the new mom and dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and community who have fallen in love with this precious little baby.

I'm grateful for the fact that my son is healthy, in every sense of the word. I'm glad that even though today was a rough day for the two of us, I was able to chase him on the playground, hold him when he cried, and sing him to sleep tonight.

When all is said and done, I need stories like these, unfortunately, to remind myself just how blessed I truly am, how strong mothers and fathers can be and how truly precious each and every one of our lives really are.

"Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines."

- Satchel Paige

I was feeling helpless and sad when I read the email for the first time. Then I became angry and now, as I'm typing this, I'm near tears once again because it really is unfair that this disease affects so many families and why have I never heard of SMA until now?

I want to help. I want to give my friend more hope and pass something on to her family that perhaps can provide them with a little bit of faith as they deal with each day of this battle.

I'm donating money in this baby's name to both the SMA Foundation and Families of Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I challenge each and every one of you to do the same. You may not know of anyone who has had a child diagnosed with this disease, but it's the most common genetic cause of death in infants and there is no cure.

Play Based Learning

My 4-year old son has a much different childhood than mine already. He not only knows how to work the DVD player and his own DVD remote controlled video game, but he can text message (the ABCs) and can work the mouse - and my computer - better than I can. Which is why I'm thrilled that he will be going to school next fall - Pre-K - which is play based. It is so important for children to explore, discover and learn through hands-on projects, experiments and work together to create.

There has been much research on play based learning and, just recently, I have been introduced to the concept of playtime and just how much children benefit from the non-structured activity that I grew up with outdoors, indoors - in the winter - and throughout my youth.

Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but I was one of those people who chose to have kids because I enjoy playing. I still do and I - hopefully - always will. A recent study done in the UK was quite disappointing to read, although it didn't really surprise me. The Pica Perspective sums it all up quite nicely.

And, because I feel play is so vital to today's youth, I dug up some quotes related to play to inspire the child in all of us to remember what it was like to be young and having "nothing to do."

"Play is the highest expression of human development in childhood, for it alone is the free expression of what is in a child's soul." - Friedrich Froebel

"You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." - Plato

“Play is the highest form of research.” - Albert Einstein

"We do not stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing." - George Bernard Shaw

"You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play." - Warren Beatty

"If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play." -John Cleese

"The parent who gets down on the floor to play with a child on Christmas Day is usually doing a most remarkable thing -- something seldom repeated during the rest of the year. These are, after all, busy parents committed to their work or their success in the larger society, and they do not have much left-over time in which to play with their children." - Brian Sutton-Smith

"It should be noted that children at play are not playing about; their games should be seen as their most serious-minded activity." - Michel de Montaigne

Love is All Around You

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion - I have shudder'd at it. I shudder no more. I could be martyr'd for my religion Love is my religion And I could die for that. I could die for you. ~ John Keats ~

And think not you can Direct the course of love, For love, If it finds you worthy, Directs your course. ~ Gibran Kahlil ~

To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with.
~ Mark Twain ~

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, While loving someone deeply gives you courage. ~ Lao Tzu ~

In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others. ~ Andre Maurois ~

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. ~ James Baldwin ~

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. ~ Ingrid Bergman ~

The Best of the Best of the Best (2007)

Everyone, everywhere is busy accumulating "best of" lists and the "top ten" or twenty, or... You name it, there's a list associated with it. Google "Top Ten of 2007"...I dare you. I've made my own list that I'd like to share.

Here it is, my list of The Top Best Lists of the Year:

1. Time's 50 Top 10 Lists of 2007
2. About.com's Top Searches of 2007
3. The New York Times Ten Best Books of 2007
4. Top Ten Gadgets of the Year
5. PGA's Top Ten Finishes of 2007
6. BookFinder.com's Top Ten Out of Print Books
7. WashingtonPost.com's Most Popular Opinions of the Year
8. 2007's Top 10 Weirdest USB Drives
9. AFI's Top Ten Movies of 2007
10. Top Ten Astronomy Pictures of 2007
11. Bore Me's Top Ten Viral Videos of 2007
12. Wine Spectator's Top 100 Wines of 2007
13. National Geographic's Top Ten News Stories of 2007
14. MSNBC's Top 10 Films of 2007
15. BBC News: Top 10 Artists of 2007
16. Foreign Policy: The Top 10 Stories You Missed in 2007
17. NPR Music: Best Children's CDs of 2007
18. New York City Search: Top 10 Restaurants of 2007
19. Fox News: Top Ten Celebrity Meltdowns
20. Top Ten Celebrity Mug Shots of 2007
21. Money Magazine's Best Places to Live in 2007
22. Top Ten Funniest Quotes by Politicians in 2007
    
23. American Institute of Architect's Top Ten Green Projects
24. Top Ten Music Videos of 2007
25. Glamour's Top Ten College Women 2007
26. CNN Money: Best Cars of 2007
27. PC World: The 100 Best Products of 2007
28. US News: Best Children's Hospitals of 2007
29. New York Post: Top 5 Trips
30. People Magazine's Best of 2007
31. Travel & Leisure: 2007 World's Best Awards
32. Business Week: Best Product Design of 2007
33. Rolling Stone's Best of 2007
34. NPR: Best CDs of 2007
35. Esquire Magazine's Best and Brightest of 2007
36. Best of 2007: Surfing the Net with Kids
37. TreeHugger's Best of 2007
38. Library Journal's Best Books of 2007
39. Working Mother's 100 Best Companies of 2007
40. SPIN.com: The 40 Best Albums of 2007
41. Real Estate: The Best and Worst of 2007
42. 2007 America's Best Restrooms
43. Rotten Tomatoes: Top Movies of 2007
44. National Geographic: Best Parks 2007
45. ESPN's Horse Racing's Best of 2007
46. Parents Magazine: Best Toys of 2007
47. Best Books of 2007: Parent & Child's Top Picks
48. AAA: Parents 2007 Best Cars for Families
49. New York Magazine's Best Parent / Kid Activities
50. The New York Times Best Illustrated Children's Books 2007

Happy New Year!

Hopeless Romantic

I discovered this quiz on the Psychology Today website. Here is my result:

According to your score, you are a bit of a hopeless romantic. Rose petals, poignant poetry, tall glasses of wine, touching moments, and sweet words are all loving gestures that you enjoy receiving as well as offering. Romance is fairly important to you, and likely an aspect that you consider fundamental in relationships. Keep in mind however, that problems may arise if you are with someone who really isn’t the romantic type. If you look forward to Valentine's Day to express your love and your partner doesn't even acknowledge it as a special day, you might end up feeling neglected or your efforts unappreciated. Nevertheless, even if your partner isn't as romantically inclined as you are, try to be appreciative of his/her efforts when she/he does try to woo you. Some people aren’t comfortable displaying their affection in screamingly obvious ways, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t care – they simply prefer to be more subtle.

" You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love. " - Henry Drummond

" Romance is about the little things. " - Gregory J. Godeck

" Romance, like the rabbit at the dog track, is the elusive, fake, and never attained reward which, for the benefit and amusement of our masters, keeps us running and thinking in safe circles. " - Beverly Jones

" When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. " - Oscar Wilde

Words of Wisdom

Everyday I Have My Child to Raise Over Again

by Diane Loomans

Every day I have my child to raise all over again.
I will build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I will finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I will do less correcting, and more connecting.
I will take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I will care to know less, and know to care more.
I will take more hikes, and fly more kites.
I will stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I will run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I will do more hugging, and less tugging.
I will see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I will be firm less often and affirm much more.
I will model less about the love of power, and more about the power of love.

Waking Up Together

I read an enlightening, eye-opening book recently, entitled Waking Up Together, written by Ellen and Charles Birx (Wisdom Publications). When I first read the description of the book from the publisher's website, I wasn't sure this was a book for me.

Here I am, newly divorced, freshly single, still learning from my past mistakes. But, the book intrigued me and once I started reading it, I couldn't stop and I learned quite a bit along the way. The book not only discusses the art of meditation and incorporating the quiet act of calm, quiet surrender, but it also discusses the art of relationship, as told from a husband and wife team who have been working and meditating together for nearly forty years.

Anyone who's been together that long has a lot to share with the rest of us and they spoke eloquently on finding a partner, letting go of a loved one, and co-parenting relationships.

These are just a few things I learned from the writing couple (and not necessarily just about relationships):

"A relationship is not something that you "have." It is not something that can be owned, possessed, or attained. Relationship is mutual opening to and presence with one another."

"A relationship is best cultivated in an atmosphere of gratitude and generosity. Gratitude is more than appreciation for the good things in your life; it is an appreciation for life itself, even with its ups and downs."

"No matter how much we may love our partner, we cannot take away our partner's pain. We cannot 'make' our partner happy, and we cannot 'enlighten' our partner. So even if we travel together we travel alone. Recognizing this aloneness is essential for togetherness."

"A loving relationship is an ongoing process of being present with and open to one another. This is not just a matter of spending more time together. Relationship has to do with the quality of time you spend together."

"If you want to live in relationship, you have to learn to take turns. Taking turns doesn't mean a rigid fifty-fifty. Taking turns is a flowing back and forth - a give and take without keeping score, not a mathematical equation. There are innumerable factors to consider, and it is a delicate balance, moment by moment."

"Your willingness to remain tender, open, and vulnerable is essential to an intimate relationship. Not only do you need to be willing to be wounded over and over again, but you also need to be willing to forgive over and over again. Forgiveness is an act of compassion that frees both you and your partner to love again."

"For a long-term relationship to survive, each partner needs to be willing to serve the other. Being a servant cultivates humility and puts the ego in its proper place."

"There is a saying, 'Love is blind.' However, if ever there is a time when you need to see clearly, it is when you are entering into a committed relationship."

"How you do your work is as important as the occupation you select."

"True and deep communication in an intimate relationship can take place only in the context of an attitude of openness, honesty, trust, and acceptance."

"Change is a vital force that keeps your relationship fresh, exciting, and alive."

"Sometimes it is not what happens in a relationship, but our interpretation of what happens, that causes us to suffer."

"All of us need to be free to change and grow, and the challenge in a relationship is to learn how to move along together."

"Be yourself. Being genuine will lead you in the direction of a relationship that is truthful, open, and whole. Be your best, but don't deny or hide your faults. In balance, both confidence and humility are attractive. As you develop yourself, your life become richer, you become more radiant, and people naturally gravitate toward you."

"Even when you are not physically present with one another, you can maintain a presence and connection through phone calls, letters, and email messages. Presence transcends space and time: even when you are apart, you can be present to your partner in your heart. Your heart is unbounded, and in love you are united."

"...first you need to be able to stand on your own two feet without excessive leaning or clinging that wears the other down. You need some degree of emotional and spiritual maturity in order to enter into a relationship of mutual giving and receiving."

"Integrity is the honesty to end one relationship before entering into another."

"Relationship is a creative process. As is any other creative process, you need to be open not just to your intellect but also to your intuition, spontaneity, ingenuity, and spirit. Creativity is playful, artistic, and expressive. Viewing your relationship as an opportunity to co-create infuses it with renewed energy, enthusiasm, and enjoyment."

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is in a committed relationship, who is searching for ways to strengthen their marriage, or who has recently ended a long-term relationship. I learned quite a bit from this couple and I have no doubts that many of the lessons I learned will carry over into future relationships as well as the fact that it has helped me to heal from my past.

One of Those Days

"The best proof of love is trust." - Joyce Brothers

"I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year." - Bette Davis

"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without." - James C. Dobson

"Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage." - Sydney J. Harris

"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable." - Joyce Brothers

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." - Katharine Hepburn

"Never get married in the morning - you never know who you might meet that night." - Paul Hornung

"Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left." - Jean Kerr

"More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse." - Doug Larson

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." - Mignon McLaughlin

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." - Henny Youngman

"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." - David Grayson

"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost." - Gilbert K. Chesterton

"Who so loves believes the impossible." - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness." - Josh Billings

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein

"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well." - Lewis B. Smedes

"Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely." - Auguste Rodin

"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet." - Plato

"Love conquers all." - Virgil

"All that I know I learned after I was thirty." - Georges Clemenceau