Ways to Say "No!"

Saying “no” to a child can be difficult. Sometimes we end up feeling like a broken record that says “no” all the time. This can be wearing on us. Children stop listening when we repeat the same response. They may even stop asking altogether but we want our children to continue to come to us and ask our permission, especially as they get into the tween years!

1. "That’s not an option."
2. "I am unwilling to..."
3. "That’s not appropriate."
4. "I am not ready for you to do that yet."
5. Ask, “What do you think you would need to do before I would be willing to say yes to that."
6. Ask, “What do you think? Is this a good choice for you?”(If you choose to use this, make sure you are willing to abide by their answer.
7. For a youngster who has something you don’t want her to have said, “That’s not a toy. However, this is a toy you can play with."
8. Ask, “What are your other options?”
9. "No, I would be willing to..."
10. "I appreciate your asking, however..."
11. “Walls are not for coloring. Here is a piece of paper.”
12. Tell them what to do instead i.e., “Water needs to stay in the tub.”
13. "This is not negotiable."
14. "Yes, as soon as (task) is done."
15. "I'd love to, but now's not an option, let's go put it on the calendar."
16. “How about…?”
17. "Why don’t we…?”

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Mamapedia - Get your parenting advice here

It's 2:00 a.m. and your three month old is crying...a lot. You're a first time mother, and while you've got a ton of questions, you called your mom at 2:00 in the morning last night about that crazy looking diaper, so you'd really like to get through this one on your own.

But where can you turn?

Mamapedia is a new site that takes the wisdom of thousands and thousands of moms and makes is searchable! You can head to the computer with that screaming infant in your arms and type,

"Why does my baby cry so much at night?"

And this is what you'll find - an article about a mom who asked a question titled "Sleepless Nights with a 13 week old" and the responses of forty-four moms. You can read those forty-four answers while bouncing your baby, and with a little luck by the time you are through your infant will be fast asleep and you will feel better as well.

To launch this new mom resource, the Momfluence network and Resourceful Mommy are throwing a party. Join us on Twitter this Friday, May 8th, from 9:00 to 10:00 p.m. eastern time along with mom experts in a variety of parenting areas: multiples, kid crafting, health and safety, potty training, home schooling and more!

During the party, details about a "What Can I Learn Today?" contest will be revealed...along with the incredible grand prize.

Join us by RSVP'ing here!

This event brought to you by Momfluence: rocking the cradle and shaping the world.

What Moms Really Think about Grandparents!

A few months back I was asked to provide input for an article that Susan Avery was putting together for Grandparents.com. She asked for my opinion on whether or not my mom or mother-in-law interferes or if I could offer some general advice for grandparents.

I was happy to share my two cents, which appears in her slide show, along with over a dozen other suggestions from some pretty amazing Mommy Bloggers.

Here's a list of the bloggers who are included in the slide show and whom I am honored to be listed alongside:

• Tara Mandy from Stroller Traffic
• Michelle Little from One Chic Mama
• Valerie Gray from Mom Knows it All
• Ada Calhoun from Babble
• Sue Waite-Langley from Creative Tutors
• Kimberly Coleman from Mom in the City
• Ashley Sanders from Boss Sanders
• Cheryl Lage from Twinfatuation
• Deb Steenhagen from Mom of 3 Girls
• Diane Kidman from dk Mommy Spot
• Jennifer Singer from Momma Said
• Glennia Campbell from The Silent T
• Debbie Arora from Missives from Suburbia
• Anna Fader from Mommy Poppins
• Dawn Yun from The Writing Mamas Salon
• Carissa Rogers from Good N Crazy
• Jill Smokler from Scary Mommy
• Kim Kotecki from Kim & Jason Escape Adulthood
• Jo-Lynne Shane from Musings of a Housewife
• Debbie Abrams Kaplan from frisco kids
• Holli Gould from Life is What You Make It
• Maggie Cheung from Mighty Maggie
• Michele Dortch from The Integrated Mother
• Heather L. Sanders from Oh My Stinkin Heck
  

Some highlights from the advice to grandparents (in my opinion):

Don't poo-poo your kid's parenting rules, especially when it comes to safety. While you likely did a fine job raising children without such modern gadgets as car seats, door gates, and electrical outlet covers, your kids are relying on solid modern data — and in some cases, laws — to make their safety decisions. And frankly, they're just trying to do what they think is right for your grandchildren.

The grandparents want to send cash in an envelope for a 7-year-old's birthday. This is like a non-gift to a kid. Instead? Schedule an afternoon, just grandma and granddaughter. Go get a milk shake. Nothing else. Just time.

Grandparents, be young again with your grandkids. Get on the floor and roll around with them, even if you need help getting back up. If you're in a wheelchair, take them for rides! You don't have to spend a lot of money to make memories. Play checkers. Bake cookies. Go fishing. Read stories. Dress up. Catch fireflies. Eat ice cream. Let your grandkids see the silliest parts of you.

All I really want from you is the opportunity to nap. Just come over, take control of your grandchildren and send me to my room. That's truly all I want from you.

Now, my advice to you, after reading this: Go call your grandparents.

Become Your Own Matchmaker

The other night, I caught a marathon of the Millionaire Matchmaker, which is one of the best shows out there. Bravo hosts some great TV, from the Flippin' Out crew to the Real Housewives of NYC, Orange County and Atlanta, but Patti Stanger is my personal favorite. I couldn't wait to get to the bookstore today to pick up her new book, Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate, which she co-wrote with Lisa Johnson Mandell.

Without giving away too much of the book, I do want to share some great quotes that I pulled from Stanger. She's a very successful, beautiful and smart individual. Listen up!

“As soon as you say, ‘I’m not going to date for a while,’ the bus unloads. Don’t go out with them, but make sure you take reservations. Remember, the best restaurants are booked weeks in advance, why not you? You’re worth waiting for.”


“Think of yourself as a great wine – you’re only getting better and more valuable with age. When the right occasion comes along and that wine is uncorked, it will be the best, most delicious nectar the lucky partaker has ever experienced. But that will only happen if happiness is a major ingredient.”


“If you feel sexy, you’re more inclined to look sexy. Sexy is a confident, fun loving, happy, sensuous, approachable state of mind that no man can resist.”

“Don’t think of him as the prize for which you’re competing against hundreds of other women. YOU are the prize, and HE needs to please you just as much as you need to please him.”

Happy Dating!

Advice from Grandma Sylvie

Being a parent is one role that never ends. My mom (aka Grandma Sylvie) has always been a great role model for me as she and I had an amazing relationship while I was growing up and an even stronger one now that I have a child of my own.

She's the same Grandma who told me she was going to start practicing her cartwheels when I found out I was pregnant. When my son was just two years old, she made my day (and lasting memories) by doing cartwheels in the park during our family vacation Hawaii while my son laughed and tried to imitate her.

Just today she sent me an email that provided some great advice and lovely thoughts on grandparenting- worthy of sharing and passing on to your loved ones (in my opinion):

Life:

The older you get the better you know yourself.

Love:

It is the greatest gift you can give someone, although you may not get love back in return.

Parenting:

Proved to me that there is a God - and God's mom helped me through it!

Favorite Grandparent Perks:

Grandchildren are the best part of life and worth waiting for.
I love their laughter and honesty.
They know how to make your day just by holding your hand,
giving you a hug or smiling at you with a twinkle in their eyes that makes you feel special.
I am always looking forward to the next visit with them.

You'll be hearing more from Grandma Sylvie in the near future. She's preparing for Grandbaby #3 which means she'll probably be doing cartwheels in the waiting room while my sister's delivering.

First Date: How to Avoid Having it Be Your Last

Rules for a First Date:

1. Do not talk about your ex (girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse) in detail. The person you're with wants to know about you, not about how your last relationship went sour.
   
2. Do not talk about your children. The person you're with wants to know more about you, not about the adorable thing your son/daughter said this morning or how many kids you plan on having.
3. Do not talk about the relationship between you and your parents. The person you're with wants to get to know you, and does not want to hear about how your parents discouraged you from pursuing your childhood dreams.
4. Do not talk about your pets. The person you're with doesn't want to hear about how you spend most of your time talking to your dog/cat/goldfish.
5. Do not talk about money. This is the first date and the person you're with does not want to know that they make less money than you or that you spend more than you make.
   
6. Do not talk about marriage. The person you're with is not ready to hear about how your first marriage went wrong. They also don't want to hear about how you've sworn that you'd never make that same mistake again.
7. Do not talk about how long it's been since you've had sex. If you are simply looking to hook up with someone, let's be honest. This is not a date - it's foreplay.
   
8. Do not talk about love at first sight. There will never be a second date if you go this route.
9. Do not talk about your religious beliefs or how you feel about abortion or the death penalty. These are conversations that are best left for second or third dates (if you get that far).
10. Do not listen to me. What do I know about dating or relationships? Every relationship I've ever been in has ended. If you have any real advice, please send it my way.

If you have first date horror stories, or laugh-out-loud details to share, post them in the comments, or over at Dad's House. You may just win this great writing CONTEST.

Lessons for Life

Cultural Anthropologist Angeles Arrien says there are only four rules in life:

1. Show up
2. Pay attention
3. Tell the truth
   
4. Don't be attached to the results.

How I wish this were as easy as it sounds. She offers plenty more thoughts and ideas - found on her website - to get you thinking and reflecting.

Did I Forget to Mention...?

The December issue of Glamour magazine includes the article, "15 Things No One Ever Told You About Being Married." It's good to be prepared...

1. Getting married is not about the wedding.
2. You'll give up some independence.
3. Husbands can't read minds anymore than boyfriends can.
4. You won't be single anymore.
5. You never get to use the "I can't make it, I'm busy" excuse again.
6. Your husband will never take care of you the way your mom did - and vice versa.
7. The "for worse" may come sooner than you expect.
8. You get to share your strengths.
9. The honeymoon phase isn't always sweet.
10. Be prepared to fight for his support.
11. In-laws will show you a side of your husband you would never see on your own.
12. When he does the dishes, you will get turned on.
13. The silliest things will make you fall in love with him all over again.
14. Married men are sexier than single men - when they're married to you!
15. He'll love being married too.

Getting married will either be magical for you or not. Your life will change, for better or worse. Remembering and honoring the fact that you're going to be with the same person for the rest of your life is one of the major ingredients to a successful marriage. And yes, having someone holding your hand along the way, literally and physically, doesn't hurt either.