Shameless Self-Promotion

I contacted the San Diego Women's Business Examiner a few days ago to see if she would critique my weekly newsletter. She had written an article on Marketing with Newsletters that prompted my request.

Her feedback was positive and encouraging.

"Regarding your newsletter, it has a fresh, happy, welcoming feeling.

The articles are very easy to read, not long, but straight to the point and informative. Very interesting that they download as a pdf file so that you can go back and read them again.

The links are very nice. What a great collection.

Great idea to have the calendar link to meetup."

She also asked if I would be available for an interview. I'm honored to have been selected to share and promote my services with her readers.

What Makes Marla a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

Marla and I met through the Single Parents Connection on Facebook.

Marla has one daughter who is nine years old. Apparently, she has the energy of a few children but that just means she's a truly amazing young woman.

I asked Marla to answer some questions about her daughter and her role as a mom. Here's what she had to say which confirmed the fact that she, too, is a happy, healthy, hip parent.

What makes you happy, as a parent?

This is a difficult question. I love traveling, which is something I have not done much of without my daughter. Exploring new places always leaves me feeling content. That said, I currently enjoy quiet time - time to read, work on projects, or even nap. I enjoy spending time writing or talking with friends about something other than parenting (okay, parenting sometimes too!). Although I help out with my daughter's ballet school, I have found that I do it for me as well as to support her. I enjoy working with the costumes, being around the other parents, and organizing the community outreach that we do.

What's the healthiest thing about your relationship with your daughter?

My daughter and I enjoy a healthy relationship in many ways. We spend time together without distraction which allows us the ability to connect in silence or via communication. We travel together, exercise together, walk to and from school together... neither of us is defined by the other but we are partners in our desire to explore life and learn all that we can.

Kids say the cutest things. What is the funniest story you recall about your child?

This has to be one of the funniest stories though it is not one that I enjoyed too much at the time! A family friend arrived at my house one December to take my then three-year-old daughter and myself to the airport for our holiday trip. As I was upstairs gathering the last of our things, my daughter informs this man that "Mamma has big breasts!" He handled it so very well while I blushed brightly. Sure, it is the truth, but..

What was your proudest parenting moment?

I am proud of my daughter each time she takes her position in ballet or each time she steps on stage. She is doing what she loves and investing so much into it. I am proud of her as she jumps for joy when she sees that doing her best in something really makes a difference... and she shares this with friends. I am overwhelmed when she recognizes that her life is different and loves it for that difference over trying to be like everyone else; when she recognizes and appreciates what the difference gives to her. When she takes responsibility for her actions, lives passionately, is kind to others, and accepts that people are different and how wonderful that is.

What is your biggest parenting challenge?

My most significant challenge is two fold. For me it is that I don't see well. When other parents can read to their kids or label objects, I can not. I am watching my daughter grow up, but it is not in the same vivid detail that other parents enjoy. It is a challenge at the worst of times and a gift at other times as I have learned to see her with my heart.

The other challenge comes with being a single parent. It is ensuring the line between child and parent exists. That line can become blurred as the relationship we enjoy sometimes seems more like a friendship. I think it is difficult for my daughter as I am everything from friend to parent to disciplinarian to nurturer.

What's your favorite family-friendly restaurant?

There are places I will not take my daughter but most places... if I go, she goes. We try to go early to avoid the crowds. I don't go to exclusive establishments often, so the idea has been to teach my child to eat in differing environments. It is much easier now that she is older! (Italian places have always been more friendly than most.)

What's your favorite activity you enjoy with your child?

We spend lots of time outside exploring or exercising. Traveling and exploring are things we enjoy doing together. We also enjoy history and the arts - visiting the Kennedy Center as often as possible!

What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

From the moment they cut the cord, your child is learning to fly. Cherish every moment; the challenges and the joys. Take the time to share your child's life and remember that it is a life that is vastly different than your own. It is a wonderful feeling to watch a child develop into their own person, discover their passions and loves, and spread their wings!!

Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

I usually don't. I will talk to this and that friend or her father for input or as a sounding board, but I don't really seek advice as much as I seek someone to listen.

How would your daughter describe you?

My daughter describes me as a "good mom," the "best mom," and even her friend. I give "the best cuddles" and she knows that "You support my dreams. That is one of your dreams."

She said that I am tall and have brown hair - which is a physical description.

A few weeks ago I asked her to describe the ad she would write were she seeking a new mom (long story behind that question). She said that she wanted someone to love her and care for her. Someone who would have fun with her and keep her safe... and feed her spaghetti and take her to ballet. She wanted someone just like me.

And maybe that is how she would describe me. I do know that she doesn't want me to change one little bit (though she tells me that I am not as funny as I think I am... but what parent is?)

What Makes Jeff a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

I met Jeff Tincher through Twitter, when I commented - sarcastically - to one of his tweets.

Jeff writes over at Daddy's Toolbox when he's not working (at home, or at the office). During the day, he is a developor and consultant for Springhouse, a computer training and consulting company, located in Exton, Pennsylvania.

Jeff has two great children. His son Logan is 4 and daughter, Kaleigh, is 2.

I asked Jeff several questions about his role as a parent and he shared several stories about his relationship with his children.

1) What makes you happy, as a parent?

I like watching my son get excited when I tell him he has done a good job or like the other day when I told him that I took his drawings and the paper that he wrote the alphabet on to my work. I told him I had my friends (coworkers) use it to help them spell! He was so excited. As for my daughter, she and I have the Father/Daughter bond going. We rub noses at night - that is our thing!

2) What is your proudest parenting moment?

I've had a few proud parenting moments so far in my children's 4 and 2 years of life. There are things that I can't believe our son knows how to do, so that makes me very proud. Like the other day he was writing all of this alphabet, his name and some other things. He's really good with that! He then was drawing pumpkins. I watched him draw a perfect pumpkin, down to the 2 triangle eyes, nose and mouth! I was shocked.

3) What is your biggest parenting challenge?

Dealing with whining. I immediately go insane at the first whine. :-)

4) What’s your favorite family-friendly restaurant?

We like Red Robin in Exton, PA. Oh EXCEPT when the "BIRD" is there. It scares my kids!

5) What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

Sometimes you just have to "give in" or else it's a battle with your kids. Like right now, I'm listening to my wife put our four-year-old to bed. He is fussing and screaming that it is NOT a school night. Well, it's Monday night so, "Yes it is!" I would have caved in by now and given in. My wife is more stubborn and is up there trying to make him understand.

6) Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

I mainly ask our other friends with kids. I've set up a group on Facebook for the parents of kids that go to our daycare. It's starting to help. We are building a support network.

I think it's a fabulous idea to start an online support group of parents that you know. Playdates and playgroups were first created for this same reason, but it's great to have a place to go 24 hours a day to ask questions and chat with other adults after the kids are asleep - or during nap time.

What makes you a happy, healthy, hip parent?

What Makes Amy a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

I met Amy through our connection on both Twitter and Facebook. She joined the Happy Healthy Hip Parenting group and introduced me to two great sites that she is a part of. She is a blogger at ParentSphere and works behind the scenes for Great Au Pair.

Amy is mom to three-year-old Hailey. She was kind enough to take some time to answer some questions about her experience as a parent and offers some great advice for expecting parents.

1) What makes you happy, as a parent?

Oh my, so many things! I look at the world so differently now. I notice my surroundings more because I see them through my daughter’s eyes. I mostly love having someone to teach. It’s a fantastic feeling knowing that she’s learning something new each day and I play a big part of that.

2) What’s the healthiest thing about your relationship with your child?

We are very open with each other. Granted, she’s only three, but we communicate with each other very well. I hope we can keep the lines of communication open for a long, long time.

3) Kids say the cutest things. What is the funniest story you recall about your daughter?

I probably Tweet something new and cute she says everyday! One of the funniest things I always tell people is when she was just under two years old and she needed a diaper change. I told her it was time for the diaper change and she patted her butt, looked up at me and matter-of-factly said, “Nope, stays in my diapee.” That was the first time she really started showing attitude.

4) What is your proudest parenting moment?

Tough question. I have many “proud” parenting moments, hard to pick out just one. I feel very proud when we’re out and she uses her manners. I always feel good about that. She’s very polite and that is important to me.

5) What is your biggest parenting challenge?

Picking my battles and being consistent. I want to maintain openness with her throughout the years, especially when she’s school-aged. My goal is to have her always feel comfortable confiding in me, no matter what.

6) What’s your favorite family-friendly restaurant?

Oh, we LOVE dining out. I suppose my absolute favorite is Red Robin in Plainfield, IL. We go there a lot. My daughter gets her balloons, the food is good and we always have a fun time.

7) What’s your favorite activity you enjoy with Hailey?

Just being out and about. I love taking her to the zoo, museums and to the park.

8) What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

Be prepared to be totally unprepared! Each day, each stage is something different. Embrace it. I never believed it would go as fast as it has but here I am, with a three-year-old already and I was once wishing the baby stages away! Soak it all in, ladies.

9) Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

I generally consult friends in online communities like Twitter and The Motherhood. Chatting with friends over the phone and running this or that by them. My mom. Of course I still go to her too.

10) How would your daughter describe you?

She’s still unbiased. Though, I’m pretty sure if you asked her, she would tell you that I’m the coolest thing since sliced bread.

What Makes Carla a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

I met Carla through our Single Parents Connection on Facebook. She’s a single mother of three. Her oldest, Bud, is 13. Kaitybug is 11 and Miss E is 6.

Like many single parents, Carla works numerous jobs. She is a substitute teacher, an on-air talent for Froggy 106.7 and a Recovery Coordinator for her church.

Carla took some time out of her hectic schedule to talk about what makes her a happy, healthy, hip parent.

1) What makes you happy, as a parent (besides when your kids finally fall asleep)?

As a single mom I’m not ashamed to admit it’s having a night off!

2) What’s the healthiest thing about your relationship with your children?

I let them feel what they feel. I was taught “cry today, get up tomorrow,” but I want my kids to know that it’s ok to have a bad day. I want them to live life instead of plowing through it.

3) Kids say the cutest things. What is the funniest story you recall about each of your children?

Miss E. is the comedian of the family but her most recent funny moment was this Halloween. She was a bee… “so I can sting the boys.”

When Bud was in sixth grade we started talking about his future and how to achieve his goals. He wanted to get online and look at colleges so I showed him how; five minutes went by and I heard “Mom I’ve found the college for me!” I asked how he knew it was the one to which he replied, “Because it has two floors in the cafeteria!” I was quickly reminded that he’s still very much a kid.

Kaitybug likes to tell on me. I got pulled over by a police officer for speeding and while he was standing at the window asking for my information she piped up and said “Hey Mom, does he know you ran that red light too?”

4) What is your biggest parenting challenge?

Crawling into bed at night and not having someone there to fall into.

5) What’s your favorite family-friendly restaurant (name and city, please).

Casa Mare in Fort Wayne, IN.

6) What’s your favorite activity you enjoy with your children?

It’s different with each of them…I love when I put Miss E. to bed and we say our prayers. She is truly selfless in those moments. With Kaitybug she and I are growing closer and I’m watching her become a young lady. I love to listen to her talk about her friends while she helps me cook. And my son…my favorite thing to do with him is take him out to eat alone. I get his full attention and he gets mine. It means a lot to him, which in turn means a lot to me.

7) How would your children describe you?

A few weeks ago we had a meeting at church which my son and I were apart of. We each had assigned seats so he sat at the back of the room and I was at the front. At the beginning of the meeting, we were asked if anyone wanted to share good things going on or blessings in their life. A few people stood up and shared and then my son stood up. He said with a trembling lip, “I am so thankful my mom is my mom. She taught us about God and that changed our life. My mom is my hero.”

My children and I have been through so much in their short time on this Earth and that night he gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, they see my heart above my past. They hear my love above my words. The feel God above the moment.

8) Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

I have an inner circle of friends that know my heart and know my past. They aren’t afraid to tell me the truth and I have the utmost respect for each of them so I turn to them often. But before any of that, I pray. I simply pray.

9) What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

Your job is to be their parent not their friend.

10) What is your proudest parenting moment?

When someone tells me how much they enjoy being around my kids, not because of my parenting but because of the people they are…I think my kids are awesome and love to hear when others see them that way too!

Carla is an inspiration to all parents and I truly believe that her kids are the wonderful people they are because of her. Children learn by example, and through hard work, discipline and balancing work and family successfully, Carla’s three children are just as successful; just as happy, healthy and hip.

What Makes Laurel a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

I first connected with Laurel Snyder through Twitter, a social networking site that is both addicting and inspiring. It provides marketers and bloggers with great resources and countless contacts. I'm friends with her on Facebook and follow kidlit bloggers closely, which is how I first discovered her.

Getting to know someone is easy to do when they have children. Simply mention their role as a parent and you'll start to hear stories that tell you everything you need to know about the way they behave, behind closed doors. Laurel is a happy, healthy, hip mom and without meeting her in person, or her children, I can say that based on the answers she provided.

You may know Laurel from the books she's authored: Up and Down the Scratchy Mountains, Inside the Slidy Diner, The Myth of the Single Machines, Half Life, and Daphne and Jim. You can find Laurel's books at your favorite independent bookstore. She's currently working on her second novel.

It's my opinion (and that of most others I know) that all parents are working parents. Laurel does, however, earn a paycheck from her writing, although she admits that the bulk of her income goes to child care. Here's what else Laurel had to say, in her own words:

I write books for kids, and thank my lucky stars I'm able to publish them. It's a blast! Not only do I get to think and dream and get paid, but I also get to do events for children, and bring my kids along!

How many children do you have?

Two, both boys. Mose is 3 and Lewis is about one and half. They're wild men.



What makes you happy, as a parent (besides when your kids finally fall asleep)?

Oh, man. So many things make me happy. But most of all I'm happy when I see them having fun with each other. In the bath or the yard, digging with sticks, or sitting on the couch looking at books, or building a fort with pillows. didn't expect they'd be ready to play together this early, and it is really amazing. Sometimes in the car the older one will start laughing for no reason, and Lew will imitate him and they'll just cackle.

What's the healthiest thing about your relationship with your children?

I'm a believer that the most important thing is that I not be resentful or stressed, so I cut a lot of corners (baths, meals, etc). At least at this point, that feels hugely functional in our house. I'm not ashamed (or secretive about) Cheerios for dinner, or them sleeping in the buff, or sometimes turning on the TV for an hour before preschool, so I can have coffee and listen to NPR. I feel good, and so they feel good. They're VERY relaxed kids.

Kids say the cutest things. What is the funniest story you recall about each of your children?

Oh, recently Mose adopted this imaginary friend named "Little ghost". And one day we were driving in Virginia, and he freaked out and was like, "We left Little Ghost!" So I asked him where we'd left him. And he pointed out the window, to where we just happened to be passing an awesome pumpkin patch full of scarecrows and dogs and all sorts of fun stuff. Convenient, eh? We stopped, and ended up with a ton of cookies and cider. Oy.

Lew isn't very verbal yet, so everything he does is adorable, but it's very hard to describe. I love when he "talks" on the phone. And the minute we get in the car he sings and sings until we stop.

What is your proudest parenting moment?

Is it weird that I can't think of one? I don't really think of it in moments. As a stay-at-home mom, my life feels like a giant wave of routine, but I love it. Maybe that I have driven 12 hours (ATL to Baltimore) and back, by myself, three times, with both kids. I feel like it's something to be proud of that I have two boys under three who can sit and talk and sing and sleep and manage a drive like that together.

What is your biggest parenting challenge?

Balance. Isn't that true for everyone? Finding the moment BEFORE the moment where I get frustrated. Setting aside time for myself, but not skimping on the kids. Being a good mom and also a good woman. And remembering that sometimes you can't do it ALL and you have to ask for help or call it a day.

What's your favorite family-friendly restaurant?

Dakota Blue, in Atlanta. They have baskets full of toys and are just grubby enough. But not too gross. I also love to go to Holy Taco. The only Mexican place I know with brisket tacos, amazing margaritas AND chicken nuggets (or as Mose says, "tikken donuts").

What's your favorite activity you enjoy with your children?

When my husband is home and we're all here together on a Sunday morning, and we read the Times and drink coffee and the boys make a mess with art supplies and we eat sausages and raisin toast off paper plates in the living room. Usually there's some TV involved and nobody showers. It doesn't happen often enough.

What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

Do all you can to relax. I'm really worried for the Purell mommies who spend all their time researching toxins online and fretting over babysitter reccommendations. I understand the impulse, the desire to keep your kids safe. But you can't protect them from everything, and the end result is often, I fear, messed up kids.

Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

My mom. My friends. But most of all my gut. I believe in having a pediatrician I trust and leaving medical questions in her hands. After Lew was born I tossed out the books (except the AAP, for 911 moments) and swore to stop the Google searches. We all have instincts and the books tend to get in the way. Online medical and parenting advice is like the "monkeys with typewriters" phenomenon. For every concern, some crazy person online will have guessed correctly, simply because there are 8 trillion crazies online. But you can't spend your life cutting out every food that turns up in a "study." I believe in moderation.

How would your children describe you?

Mose says I'm a goofball.

To learn more about this goofball mom and author, visit her site or those of her publishers: Laurel Snyder
Random House
Ten Speed Press

What Makes Tracy a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

True to my word, I'm highlighting happy, healthy, hip parents over the next few months who may not be famous but who are raising amazing children and celebrating many other successes in their lives.

Facebook has brought me face-to-face with several high school classmates since joining, including Tracy, mother of two. Her son will be turn four in less than a month and her daughter just recently reached her six-month milestone.

Besides being a mom and wife, Tracy works as an Accounting Manager for Bechik Products, Inc., a small mattress supply distributor and manufacturer in Eagan, Minnesota. She also recently started TNT Dancer this year, a one stop shop for all dance necessities. Her goal is to grow this online business, quit her full-time job and spend more time with her children.

I asked Tracy to answer a few questions about her relationship with her children and her role as Mom.

1) What makes you happy, as a parent?

I love watching my children learn. Ryan is writing his name and beginning to read short words. It absolutely fascinates me. He isn’t even four yet! Their little minds just blow me away.

Lea is rolling all over and laughing constantly. No matter what kind of a day I had I know that she will make me smile. Every new action and gesture she makes is amazing. Just seeing my children and receiving hugs makes me very happy.

2) What’s the healthiest thing about your relationship with your children?

My children and I have a great relationship. Ryan and I are constantly laughing and making up new games. Our imaginations run wild and that is not only healthy for him, but it keeps me young.

Lea lights up when I walk into the room. Whenever she is sad and just needs a break, Mommy can always calm her down. Sometimes she just needs a break from Daddy - not everything is a game at 6 months!

3) Kids say the cutest things. What is the funniest story you recall about your children?

Ryan is constantly saying cute things. A few of them are:

“I am handsome, just like a Daddy!”

About his Spider-Man Halloween costume (it had poofy arm muscles and pecks). "I have muscles like Daddy and boobies like Mommy.”

“Mommy, you are my girlfriend.”

Lea just squeals a lot.

4) What is your proudest parenting moment?

When Ryan told me how he spells his name and then wrote it. I was so proud. He loves to learn and I like to think that I have something to do with that.

5) What is your biggest parenting challenge?

My biggest challenge is my physical limitations. I have multiple sclerosis and it can be very challenging to work full-time, take care of my 2 kids at night, and maintain a tidy home. Luckily I get help from my husband around the house and with the kids. My mother is also a huge help.

The challenging part is fatigue and how that makes it even tougher to keep up with an almost four-year-old.

6) What’s your favorite activity you enjoy with your children?

My favorite activity with Ryan is reading. It is relaxing for me and Ryan is starting to learn the words, so very fun for him.

7) How would your children describe you?

I think that Ryan would describe me as a goofball. We are always laughing and singing. Anything to be silly. My Mom was that way with my sister and I. It was great. I am bringing that same smiley outlook to my children.

Lea probably just thinks I'm the lady who changes her, gets food, and smiles a lot.

8) Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

I go to friends or my Mother for parenting advice. If the questions I have are too technical I do some research on-line or call the doctor.

9) What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

Enjoy every moment with them because your parents were right…they grow way to fast. Get down to their level and act like a child. Always laugh! They are only little once.

I encourage you to visit the National MS Society and donate an amount that you can afford to help fund cutting-edge research, drive change through advocacy, facilitate professional education, and provide programs and services to help people with MS and their families move their lives forward.

Interview with Yoga Mama

Yesterday afternoon, I was interviewed by Yoga Mama for her podcast which is recorded live each Friday (12:30pm PST). Yoga Mama is also known as LaSara FireFox, MPNLP, a master practitioner and trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), life coach, educator, and professional speaker.

LaSara helps her clients to find balance in their lives, and alignment with their personal and family-held values. She is also a mother of two, a successful author (Sexy Witch, nonfiction/self-help, Llewellyn Worldwide, 2005), and founder and CEO of the Ecstatic Presence Project and Global Family Awakening: an educational, peace and humanitarian family adventure club. She teaches and coaches internationally.

LaSara recently wrote an article entitled Seven Steps to Healthy Communication With Your Kids.

1. Honor your kid's questions with answers.
2. Own your feelings.
3. What isn't said speaks more loudly that what IS.
4. Own your boundaries.
5. Respect your child's boundaries.
6. Respectful, loving touch fosters connection. Stay embodied.
7. The model is the message.
   

Read more about these seven steps or download other articles on LaSara's website and join her every Friday for the Yoga Mama Satsangha weekly podcast.

Interview with Cindy Lu, author of The Four Man Plan

I read dozens of books a month. I read for work and for pleasure. I read to entertain myself, to escape and to educate myself or to distract me from reality. I read The Four Man Plan at a time in my life when I felt comfortable. I had finalized my divorce, I had been getting to know a man who was quite special to me and I read the book from an outside perspective. I had no idea at the time where I would be in twelve months or further down the road.

Here I sit, after having interviewed Cindy Lu and received her brutally honest insight into the history of my relationships and where I will be after following The Four Man Plan. This book will be around for a long time to come. I say this because I feel that women of all ages will find it useful and most likely, need to pick up the book time and again after not-so-successful results due to the experimental nature of dating.

I'm bringing up this book again because I feel that single parents are missing out on the opportunity to find love because we are so focused on our children and managing our schedules and energy that we tend to believe that our relationship with our child or children is enough.

Cindy helped me realize that this is exactly the case for me. After our on line chat, I've realized that many of the points in the book need to be tattooed to my forehead, like:

Believing that your future love is "out there somewhere and will find me someday!" is about as practical as believing that about your lunch or your next paycheck.

If women decide as a gender that we deserve to be treated with honor and respect, then men will react accordingly and rise up as a gender to meet our requirements.

No one man is responsible for your happiness. That is a solo project. The happier you are with yourself, the better the partner you will be adding to your life.

Cindy seems to have grown up with the same ideas about love and boys (and men) as I did. Just like me, Cindy daydreamed about Ponch and Chaci and wanted to find someone just like her dad (if only to change him, make him fall in love with her, and stay with her forever).

Using several theories to create The Four Man Plan, Cindy compares the plan to a round of golf: "Each player, or in the case of The 4MP, each Plan Man, is on the course simultaneously, doing his individual best. Every once in a while, a glance at the leader board or a roar from a distant crowd lets them know they better step up their game. This is a gentleman's game of finesse and self-regulation, not a contact sport."

Be sure to head to the FourManPlan and visit the FOURum often to chat with Cindy and other 4MPlanners. If you're interested in what Cindy had to say during our on line discussion, keep reading:

cindylu	Hi!!
Hip_M0M	Let's get this interview started!
cindylu	Fire away!
Hip_M0M	since I first mentioned your book on my blog, I've received several email messages, from men (who are married) and single parents who want to incorporate this Plan into their lives. Is that even possible, in your experience?
cindylu	Single parents definitely, married men, not so much, that's exactly the kind of behavior we're trying to AVOID.
cindylu	But, I do like the idea of reframing our minds around the fact that our partners cannot be EVERYTHING to us.
Hip_M0M	Alright. Let's focus on catering the Plan to single parents (women in particular).
cindylu	Yes, let's focus on our single moms!
Hip_M0M	You’ve mentioned before that it's important for single moms to set aside a quarter of their time for their children. Is it just as important to set aside another quarter for herself?
cindylu	Oh, I think more than a quarter! I think the Mantris Graph is its own kind of "vision board."
cindylu	So for my single moms, they block off a WHOLE space, for their kids and themselves.
cindylu	I even have busy career women block off spaces, too. Whatever you need.
Hip_M0M	What would you suggest as far as getting started and including my intentions in the graph?
cindylu	Ok, let's talk about you!
cindylu	My first question is, what is it that you want? To get married again? To stay single? To have a monogamous relationship?
Hip_M0M	I would love to have a man in my life, eventually, who would be a life partner and who would want to bring a child into the world. I have a son and would like to have at least one more. I have plenty of time. I'm in no hurry.
cindylu	So, Hip_M0M. Here's what I've got for you.
cindylu	If you were to fill in a Mantris Graph, which I suggest you do, as I suggest all my 4MPlanners do...
cindylu	Put your ex-hubby in the box with your son. He's now a part of your "family" but no longer a relationship potential, yes?
Hip_M0M	Definitely no romantic feelings there or potential for reconciliation.
cindylu	So you have a 2 1/4, your booty call guy.
cindylu	You have a Quarter Guy in your long distance Man.
cindylu	So what to do with your free Half Man?
Hip_M0M	Good question. I'd like someone who I can run with, catch a movie with, and enjoy a good conversation or dinner.
Hip_M0M	A "date" guy!
cindylu	You haven't experienced a true teammate yet, I'm guessing.
Hip_M0M	Nope.
cindylu	So, you are working on a puzzle without the box on the cover.
cindylu	You have to rewire yourself, date by date, experience by experience.
cindylu	Women, people, run from themselves when they cannot accept love.
cindylu	Worrying about hurting another's feelings is always a cover for something else.
cindylu	I would guess that for you it's that you have a hard time speaking your truth and getting reactions from it.
cindylu	The Four Man Plan will help you practice having the "hard conversations."
cindylu	Which they say, the person that is most successful is the one most comfortable having difficult conversations....
cindylu	That takes practice!
cindylu	It's just that now you must see each man as a teacher. It's great to work with people you already know, already have a pattern with and try to shift it.
cindylu	It gives you the affirmations that you need as you try to move through the world in a completely different way but with the same people.
cindylu	It's about UNSUCKING at love!
cindylu	If you do the Plan, stuff comes up week by week, and you see the evidence right in front of your face, which takes it out of the theorizing mind and into the real world.
cindylu	These are the kinds of beliefs that will slowly or suddenly shift!
cindylu	You have to decide what you want to change and then lay the bricks.
cindylu	It's work, but that's the fun we have on the 4MP.
cindylu	You want a match!
cindylu	You want a hero!
cindylu	You deserve it!
Hip_M0M	So, where do I find this guy? I know he’s out there.
cindylu	He's out there, for sure.
cindylu	You're just turning over the wrong rocks.
cindylu	Your hoo-ha has bad taste!
cindylu	You wouldn't let your kid eat McDonalds every day, even though he likes it!
cindylu	We often say in the Forum to be a better parent to yourself.
cindylu	I know there are things you let yourself do that you know are bad for you that you would tell your son, absolutely NOT!
Hip_M0M	Yes, I need to be more disciplined with my relationship, that’s for sure.
cindylu	That's why we use the structure. It helps!
Hip_M0M	So, many of my readers are not familiar with your book or will want to know how to get started.
cindylu	The easiest way of course, is for them to get the book.
Hip_M0M	And for women who are convinced that they have no time to date one man, let alone four, what do you tell them?
cindylu	Most women spend time OBSESSING about one man.
cindylu	Dating four and having your wits about you and a tried and true system actually saves you time.
cindylu	It's the chaos that takes up time.
cindylu	But of course, every woman does the Plan at her own pace.
cindylu	"Four" men is really just a metaphor for NOT one man, so that women can discover the patterns are within THEM, not the man they are focused on changing.
cindylu	The 4MPlan is a way for women to make themselves the "project." And then at some point along the way, when they discover that they love themselves first, the Right Man, a Hero Man, steps into the picture.
Hip_M0M	So how did you come up with this Plan? What was your dating experience like before the Plan?
cindylu	Well, all that's in the book. But I truly SUCKED at love, and it was a ride that I wanted to get off of.
cindylu	I realized that I needed to "parent" myself somehow, discipline my hoo-ha.
cindylu	So I created a system based on the best advice I'd ever gotten but couldn't follow.
cindylu	I needed it to be a system so that when my resistance came up, I still knew what I needed to do.
Hip_M0M	so what was the best advice you received that you never followed?
cindylu	The biggest one was what became the Wait For Sex Index.
Hip_M0M	That’s where you say, “The more time you spend with a man without having sex, the more you will intrigue him, the greater potential he will see in you, and the more he will do to get himself into the end zone.”
cindylu	Basically, a woman once shook me by the shoulders after I had been treated badly AGAIN and said, "Don't you know? A man will only be as nice to you as he needed to be to sleep with you the first time?"
cindylu	It took me 5 years more of "practice" and gathering data before I finally GOT it.
cindylu	When it's all laid out in front of you, and you do it like an experiment, it becomes undeniable.
cindylu	That's why the plan works. First the lesson, then the proof.
Hip_M0M	Last question: with your husband - how long did you know him before having sex with him?
cindylu	I knew him for 5 months. But we weren't dating for 4 of those...
cindylu	I lucked into it!
Hip_M0M	Amazing. Congratulations!
cindylu	Thanks so much for your time and openness.
Hip_M0M	Thank YOU!
cindylu	You seem like the perfect 4MPlanner: honest, loving and willing.
cindylu	Join us in the Forum! You can pick a secret super hero name to keep it anonymous if you want!
cindylu	it will be our little secret!
cindylu	love to you and your boy.
cindylu	xxoxo
Hip_M0M	Alright, Cindy. Thanks so much for your time, advice & inspiration.

Yes, Cindy did tell me that my hoo-ha has bad taste. She also told me that I need to be a better parent to myself. She's got great advice for every woman that will help change their perspectives on dating and the way they see themselves. We all deserve true love and happiness so I encourage every woman who thinks she sucks at love to check out The Four Man Plan and join this new Dating Revolution.