Online Dating Profile Pics: What NOT to Wear

Alright, I realize that this is going to come off as me being petty and will most likely offend some of you, especially those who have a profile online, but I have to share.

This isn't about me making fun of anyone in particular (alright, it is), but after ignoring my eHarmony profile for over a week, I finally went over there to check out my latest matches and guess what?

There were over 210 matches waiting for me...and not one single profile caught my attention, except for the fact that I suddenly started talking to the people (by name) in the photos and actually taking notes (yes, taking notes).

Here is what I have learned from the profile pictures that came up on my screen and here's what I would suggest to everyone (male or female) who plans on putting their pictures online (or who has done so already).

Don't upload a mirror shot: You know what they look like. You can actually SEE the camera and sometimes a flash...Get someone to take your photo. Anyone. A neighbor, your mom, the guy at the pharmacy who thinks he's taking your passport photo. Better yet, go in one of those photo booths that gives you four chances to get it right.


Don't include a picture from last Halloween: A potential date is not interested in how you look in disguise. She or he wants to see what YOU look like. On a normal day.

Don't include pictures from the bar: You know the one. You have a beer in your hand and you look laid-back and appear to be someone who knows how to have a good time. What this says to people is, "I like taking photos when I'm under the influence. Wait 'til you see what I look like when I'm WASTED!" Not a good message to be sending...

Please, please, please don't include your children (or anyone else's) in your main profile pic: I have a child and I love kids, but the first impression you give when you include children in your main photo is "I'm looking for a new Mom (or Dad) for these adorable kids." Usually, the kids are the first thing people see, not you.


Please put a shirt on: I really can't comprehend why people include photos where they're not wearing a shirt. Usually, when that happens, it's not flattering. No one wants to see you with your shirt off unless you're at the beach, and you're a Chippendale dancer.

Please remove your hat - and your sunglasses: Again, please refer to #2. A potential partner wants to see what you look like - eyes, hair - or whether you have any underneath the cap.


Don't upload a work photo: I can't even tell you how many doctors I've seen in their scrubs, firefighters I've seen with fires blazing in the background and military men in their uniforms. This all leads back to wanting to see what a potential date looks like outside the office (or place of employment).


Please include a photo where you actually look happy to be alive: I've seen way too many photos of people who can't seem to crack a smile. Pretend you like yourself. Then maybe other people will.

Don't include photos that look like they're 'still shots' from your sex tapes: You know the one - the shirtless, awkward angle and expression on the person's face = CREEPY.

Please don't include major close ups: They're never attractive and typically look like the WANTED posters from the nightly news.


If you're in the military, don't upload photos of you in your camo: You look like every other guy in camo...potential partners want to see what YOU look like, not what you look like when you're ready to head into battle...Unless you approach dating defensively, then I suppose it's OK.

Please do not post photos of yourself EATING (Yes, I did come across this one): Photos of you with your mouth full. Not going to earn any points with the women I know (let's face it, women would NEVER post a photo of themselves eating).

College students / military men - Please don't include your photos that showcase the nudey pictures on the wall behind you: The women who view these photos will not see you, but the pics behind you. And that's probably not going to get you a date. But, then again, you never know.

Please don't include photos of you and your friends: Petty, I realize, but if I see a photo with a bunch of guys, I'm checking out the hottest one of the group, and chances are, it's not the one who's looking for a date.

Don't include photos where you're in full scuba gear: So you like to go diving. Great. Why do I want to see a photo of you underwater, with a full wet suit on and a mask covering your ENTIRE face? I want to see what you look like. This photo only tells me what you like to DO.

Last, but certainly not least, please don't submit your profile to an online dating site WITHOUT a picture. I realize that the above "suggestions" might cause someone to want to pursue the online dating thing with just their personality to get them by. It WON'T happen. We all want to SEE what we're getting into and - as long as the above suggestions are applied - you may have some dating success (of course there are no guarantees).

Good luck. And if you see my profile on line, don't worry. The photos of me wearing a hat and glasses, alongside my son and in our Halloween costumes will be removed soon. I pinkie swear.

Second First Date

After a successful and fun meet 'n greet, my new male friend picked me up last night for our first official date. Let me step back a few days though to share with you how the week went.

Our meet 'n greet was last Sunday and I had a really good time. I thought he had a good time as well. In fact, he had mentioned a "next time," so I assumed that we'd communicate afterward about seeing each other again. Three days went by without hearing from him and I was a bit concerned. I was confused. I was disappointed. It's not easy to get back into the dating scene, especially when it involves searching through numerous online profiles, trying to determine how to reach out to those who peak my curiosity.

On Wednesday afternoon, he finally called but, because I was at work, I wasn't able to take the call. He did leave a message and I found myself laughing out loud when I listened to it. He joked about how he had read a Guy's Rule Book on Dating and noted that it had officially been 72 hours since our first meeting so it was now the opportune time to follow up. Then he simply asked if he could take me to dinner on Saturday and left it at that.

I had to arrange for a babysitter in order to confirm that I could go out but that only took a few minutes of text messaging to schedule. One of my son's former teachers who lives in our neighborhood agreed to come by to hang out with him so I could go on this date. She's married with no children of her own (yet) and is someone my son feels completely comfortable with. What would I do without teachers like her?

Saturday arrives and it's amazingly hot out. I'm sweating already because I'm a little nervous and I'm not quite sure what to wear. I change my outfit a record number of times before finally deciding on a black top and jean skirt. Casual for a first date, I realize, but since I was overdressed for our meet 'n greet, I figured I could get away with it.

I had no idea where he would be taking me but this is what has always intrigued me about dates. Normally, I would be a bit concerned about getting inside someone's car without knowing where our final destination would be, but I eagerly climbed inside when he finally came to pick me up.

He was a few minutes late and didn't mention it when he pulled into the parking lot but since I'm notoriously late for just about everything, I really can't hold that against him.

Once again, he impressed me. We drove up the coast and went to a restaurant overlooking the ocean. It was a beautiful night so we sat outside, enjoyed a few glasses of wine with our meal and laughed, a lot.

We played the back and forth questions game and got to know each other a bit more. Not once was there an awkward moment in the conversation - that is until I asked about why he signed up with eharmony. There was a moment of silence before he revealed that he was looking for a partner; someone he could go home to at the end of the day and share his life with.

He asked the same question of me, and since it was only fair, I admitted that I wasn't quite sure what my goal was or is with eharmony. So far, I met a nice man who truly knows how to treat a woman and plans great date nights and I'm enjoying it. I'm not sure where this will lead or if I will meet more men to spend time with but I'm having fun, I'm making up for lost time and feeling good about myself and the man I'm getting to know. I don't really know if there's reason to think beyond that as far as the future is concerned. I've always been the type of person who lives in the moment, enjoys just being where I am and who I am with.

And I did enjoy where I was last night and who I was with. We went to a concert afterwards (I love live music) and he treated me the entire night, something I was not used to at all. We danced, laughed, touched each other innocently, but often, and when I cut the night short (I was expected home by midnight), I truly did regret having to end the date.

When he dropped me off at home, he got out of the car to walk me to the door. I embraced and thanked him for the fabulous night. I kissed him softly on the lips before saying goodnight and moments later, I fell asleep, smiling.

I thought about him as soon as I woke up, still smiling.

That was the first date that I've been on in a really, long time. In fact, he even asked me during dinner about the last date I had. Sadly, I couldn't even recall when that might have been, or with who. But what I do know is that I will remember last night's date for a long time to come and I look forward to our next.

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