Saturday, June 14, 2008

Staying Together for the Children

In an unhappy marriage many couples will suffer through the days and nights for the sake of the kids. There have been many arguments, debates, discussions and even research on the topic.

Some people say arguing in front of the kids can be healthy for them if only you also make up in front of them. I tend to believe that those who choose not to argue in front of their children end up holding in their feelings and emotions get pent up and sometimes the issues never get resolved, only postponed until another time when things have become more heated.

Some believe that staying together for the sake of the children is unhealthy for everyone and having lived through a marriage that endured many difficult and tense situations, I am one of these people.

Children learn what they live. They look to the adults in their lives as role models and tend to copy the things they say and do. Parents living together provide the model of an adult relationship that the child sees as "normal." My son's father and I decided that since we were not modeling a loving relationship then we weren't reflecting what a healthy adult relationship is about to our son.

Our divorce was more devastating to the two of us than it was to our son. He knew that he was loved unconditionally by the two of us and we continue to communicate and keep one another aware of what is happening when the other parent is not present. Just today the three of us enjoyed yogurt together to reinforce the knowledge that we will always be a family and are always there for our son.

I realize that our situation is not typical. Research has been done on divorce and its effects on children. I would have to argue that the people who find divorce damaging to children haven't personally experienced living in a household where tension and negativity fill the environment.

Discover some practical advice for those who are having a difficult time in their relationship, and read more about staying together for the kids and possibly one of the most important decisions two people could make.

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