Sunday, June 29, 2008

How Open Are You?

While the article that is the most popular over at Tango | smart talk about love is about open marriage, I have to wonder why so many people are opposed to this concept (myself, included).

I have never really thought about an open marriage before (my ex and I were monogamous) and the only image I have of this type of relationship is from the swingers' parties that I've heard about and that are generally frowned upon.

I've spoken to a few people about their experience with having an open marriage. They have all said that it didn't work for them and either the couples experienced conflict and emotional damage from it, or they simply chose to live a monogamous lifestyle, after all.

The fact that so many people are clicking on this article says a lot about the sanctity of marriage (and helps to explain the divorce rate). I think many adults - married or otherwise - flirt with ideas that they're not quite sure about and haven't shared these type of fantasies with their significant other.

The idea of having a relationship which is all about open communication makes complete sense. But why have sex with another person if the goal is to enrich your relationship with each another? Why not talk about your fantasies and find out if your partner is willing to try something new?

The reality for most married couples - I have heard - is that their relationship lacks spark after a while and sex becomes monotonous. Change it up a bit, people. Watch an erotic film together or buy some edible underwear or engage in foreplay that involves whipped cream or body butter.

After all, you might not realize that you and your partner share the same fantasies if you don't ever share them with one another.


Michelle said...

A friend of mine is in an open relationship and it works for them. I wonder since I have a hard time finding one person to spend time with. but for them is was all about up front communication. They set the ground rules before anyone else became involved in their relationship. First and foremost the husband/wife needed to meet and approve of the proposed other person. Nothing was done behind backs. If the husband/wife did not approve for any reason, it was a no go and no questions or arguing allowed. They say it is all about being secure with each other and their relationship and that sex is sometimes "just sex" - they did not however let there be ongoing longterm relationships develop. Then you are getting close to polygamy to which I say "two women - both PMS or two men both laying on the couch scratching things - no thanks. HA

HIP_M0M said...

This type of relationship is definitely not for everyone. And I agree with your comments - double trouble, for sure!