Tuesday, May 27, 2008

In Response...

Over at Dad's House, there's an interesting discussion that's been catching the eye of many a blogger (single parents, especially). Here are my two cents:

1. Men are creepy. My male "friend" of over four years ended up confessing his feelings for me recently and I was TOTALLY creeped out since I had been sharing info about my life with him over the past several years (including details about my current relationship and how I feel towards the man in my life). ICK. I can never look at him the same way again.

2. A woman doesn't want to hear that she's attractive or sexy from just anyone (and if she does then she has issues). Most women only want to hear this from a guy she's totally into or finds attractive and sexy too. But, the problem is, how does a guy know if he falls into this category or not?

3. The fact that most men admit to looking at women in a sexual way (regardless of the circumstances) should serve to elicit a strong reaction from all involved. It should also go without saying that men do need women (and vice versa).

4. David wrote: "For a woman to admit she needs a man reveals vulnerability." David, it all depends on the circumstance or what she is really saying she needs. Perhaps she needs his attention. Perhaps she needs him to fulfill her fantasies in a physical way. Perhaps she needs him for a one night stand or a lifelong commitment. Perhaps she just needs to feel he wants her so she can turn around and reject him. Let's not generalize here. And to MsSingleMama - I'm not referring to you in any of the above scenarios.

Let's face it, women have been using the power of their sexuality for generations to get what they want or "need" and that isn't about to change anytime soon. (I'm not saying I agree with this or that I myself do this but then again, I'm not saying that I don't.) And for just as long, men have been trying to figure out ways to use that power against us.

I could go on but I'm afraid my blog isn't just about relationships or sexuality. But I will end with this: I need the men in my life for different things and I believe admitting that only makes me stronger.

Men, women, single or in a relationship - what do you think? Obviously the convo caused a strong emotional reaction from those who've read and commented so far...


The Exception said...

I agree that we want to hear we are sexy and attractive from the men we find sexy and attractive. But I would also say that it is difficult for men to read our signals some of the time?

I have lots of male friends, each I value greatly. One of the things I love most about these relationships is the honesty, lack of competition, and genuine care for one another.

dadshouse said...

"For a woman to admit she needs a man reveals vulnerability." David, it all depends on the circumstance or what she is really saying she needs.

I agree. But I also think I wasn't out of line in saying this w.r.t. MsSingleMama's "Barnes and Noble" experience. I've read MSM's blog for months, and she generally takes great pride and finds much strength in going it solo and not needing a man.

That you find strength in admitting your need for men shows that generalizations are never good. (Of course, I should point out that your "Men are creepy" comment is as much of a generalization... I'm just saying... )

My vulnerability comment could also be interpreted as me projecting my own feelings of vulnerability if I were to admit I need a woman. Hence the rest of my post, where I discuss perceived masculinity. Women tend to not like needy men (another generalization).

I've met many single parents (online or in real life) who put up a facade of not needing a partner, when it's really just an emotional shield so they can keep parenting solo without having a nervous breakdown. I agree men need women, and women need men.

I'm not sure I agree that men have been using women's sexuality against them for ages. I probably don't understand your point. I know a lot of men who love a woman's sexuality, honor it, embrace it, even need it. In a good way.

Of course, it's difficult to dissect each other's blog posts since, for the sake of brevity, there's always missing context. But it's still fun to trade ideas.

Single_M0M said...

In response to the exception:

Women and men can be very difficult to read as far as body language goes. Flirting can be fun and I enjoy and appreciate playing those "guessing games," but I prefer to actually date men who are honest and up front about their feelings (and not afraid to admit when they need me - or what they need me for).

And I too have many male friends, in fact, I lived with two men in college whom I'm still friends with.

dad's house: I made several generalizations in my blog post so I'm glad you pointed it out. I was being very stereotypical as well in regards to the "needs" that I brought up that many women are portrayed as having. Still waiting for the hate mail to come on that one...

And as far as people putting up an emotional shield, well that's another thing that I feel is quite normal for men and women, whether they're single parents or not.

And, despite the double standards that exist, I too agree that there are men out there who embrace a woman's sexuality and honor it in a positive way.

It's you and those other "real" men that help make the world go around.

Thank you both for commenting. I always enjoy a lively discussion.

Anonymous said...

I would keep away from Creepy.
Just so he doesn't try to reach
out and touch me. Now that would
be creepy!
Grandma Sylvie :)