Y Not?

Printed on recycled paper and taking 10% of everything you spend to go toward changing the world, The Y Catalog is definitely a company and catalog that I encourage you to check out.

Here is a list of the organizations that receive a percentage of the proceeds:

CARE
The 11th Hour Action
The Fisher House Foundation
The Mukti Mission
Solar Meninos de Luz
Organic Farming Research Fund
YouthAids
Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America
Africa Yoga Project
Friends of Animals
The Santa Fe Mountain Center
Surfrider Foundation
3 Phases Energy
Trees for the Future
Y.O.G.A.
Shanti House
EBMRF
The Food Bank for NYC
Room to Read
Yoga Ed.
Teens for Safe Cosmetics
Seva Foundation
The Telluride Adaptive Sports Program (TASP)

Waking Up Together

I read an enlightening, eye-opening book recently, entitled Waking Up Together, written by Ellen and Charles Birx (Wisdom Publications). When I first read the description of the book from the publisher's website, I wasn't sure this was a book for me.

Here I am, newly divorced, freshly single, still learning from my past mistakes. But, the book intrigued me and once I started reading it, I couldn't stop and I learned quite a bit along the way. The book not only discusses the art of meditation and incorporating the quiet act of calm, quiet surrender, but it also discusses the art of relationship, as told from a husband and wife team who have been working and meditating together for nearly forty years.

Anyone who's been together that long has a lot to share with the rest of us and they spoke eloquently on finding a partner, letting go of a loved one, and co-parenting relationships.

These are just a few things I learned from the writing couple (and not necessarily just about relationships):

"A relationship is not something that you "have." It is not something that can be owned, possessed, or attained. Relationship is mutual opening to and presence with one another."

"A relationship is best cultivated in an atmosphere of gratitude and generosity. Gratitude is more than appreciation for the good things in your life; it is an appreciation for life itself, even with its ups and downs."

"No matter how much we may love our partner, we cannot take away our partner's pain. We cannot 'make' our partner happy, and we cannot 'enlighten' our partner. So even if we travel together we travel alone. Recognizing this aloneness is essential for togetherness."

"A loving relationship is an ongoing process of being present with and open to one another. This is not just a matter of spending more time together. Relationship has to do with the quality of time you spend together."

"If you want to live in relationship, you have to learn to take turns. Taking turns doesn't mean a rigid fifty-fifty. Taking turns is a flowing back and forth - a give and take without keeping score, not a mathematical equation. There are innumerable factors to consider, and it is a delicate balance, moment by moment."

"Your willingness to remain tender, open, and vulnerable is essential to an intimate relationship. Not only do you need to be willing to be wounded over and over again, but you also need to be willing to forgive over and over again. Forgiveness is an act of compassion that frees both you and your partner to love again."

"For a long-term relationship to survive, each partner needs to be willing to serve the other. Being a servant cultivates humility and puts the ego in its proper place."

"There is a saying, 'Love is blind.' However, if ever there is a time when you need to see clearly, it is when you are entering into a committed relationship."

"How you do your work is as important as the occupation you select."

"True and deep communication in an intimate relationship can take place only in the context of an attitude of openness, honesty, trust, and acceptance."

"Change is a vital force that keeps your relationship fresh, exciting, and alive."

"Sometimes it is not what happens in a relationship, but our interpretation of what happens, that causes us to suffer."

"All of us need to be free to change and grow, and the challenge in a relationship is to learn how to move along together."

"Be yourself. Being genuine will lead you in the direction of a relationship that is truthful, open, and whole. Be your best, but don't deny or hide your faults. In balance, both confidence and humility are attractive. As you develop yourself, your life become richer, you become more radiant, and people naturally gravitate toward you."

"Even when you are not physically present with one another, you can maintain a presence and connection through phone calls, letters, and email messages. Presence transcends space and time: even when you are apart, you can be present to your partner in your heart. Your heart is unbounded, and in love you are united."

"...first you need to be able to stand on your own two feet without excessive leaning or clinging that wears the other down. You need some degree of emotional and spiritual maturity in order to enter into a relationship of mutual giving and receiving."

"Integrity is the honesty to end one relationship before entering into another."

"Relationship is a creative process. As is any other creative process, you need to be open not just to your intellect but also to your intuition, spontaneity, ingenuity, and spirit. Creativity is playful, artistic, and expressive. Viewing your relationship as an opportunity to co-create infuses it with renewed energy, enthusiasm, and enjoyment."

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is in a committed relationship, who is searching for ways to strengthen their marriage, or who has recently ended a long-term relationship. I learned quite a bit from this couple and I have no doubts that many of the lessons I learned will carry over into future relationships as well as the fact that it has helped me to heal from my past.

Ben Stein Confesses AND Happy Holidays

I grew up in a Mexican-American Catholic family and attended church every Sunday as well as private, Catholic schools from Kindergarten through High School. And yet, as an adult, I don't attend church, I no longer pray and as a parent, I am not raising my son as my own parents - or my son's father - would like me to be doing as far as religion is concerned (Father, please forgive me).

I've traveled to many places and experienced many things in my lifetime, many of which have made me realize that religion and beliefs are just as unique as fingerprints or snowflakes.

My son attends preschool in a community with a large population of Indian families (and by Indian, I don't mean Native Americans). The preschool program begins each morning with meditation and yoga. It is truly amazing to watch a group of three-and-four-year-olds sitting silently for nearly fifteen minutes with their eyes closed, backs straight and breathing deeply in a darkened room, usually with a candle glowing in the background.

When my son and I were in Minnesota last week and when he's with me on the weekends or when school is closed, we continue the daily practice of meditation as it helps us both to feel more calm, relax at the end of a long day and prepare us both for bedtime.

I am not sure where this all fits in with his ideas of religion or God, but I do know this: My son is a sensitive, well balanced and centered little boy who has been taught to be respectful, polite and kind to all living beings. I doubt there is a religion in this world that could argue with that.

This blog is certainly not a place where I ever thought religion would be brought up. But I had to comment somehow on the following commentary I recently received in an email.

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

I am a Jew and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish, and it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we're all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me one bit that there's a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, fine. The menorah a few hundred yards away is fine, too.

I do not like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way. Where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to. - Ben Stein

And, since I enjoy playing devil's advocate in many circumstances, I am pleased to present you with a look at Kane/Miller Book Publisher's non-secular holiday title that even Ben Stein would endorse: It's Christmas by Tina Burke.

Illustration from It's Christmas

by Tina Burke

(Kane/Miller Book Publishers, 2007)

No mention of God, baby Jesus or images of a nativity scene: The perfect gift for anyone who enjoys opening gifts on December 25th. And actually, come to think of it, Antonella and her Santa Claus is quite similar in that it doesn't speak about the religious aspects of the holiday.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Relocating

I checked out a new apartment yesterday but I'm trying not to get too excited about it since it would be rather selfish of me to move. Or is it? Some people think that I should get a fresh start, finally, and getting a place of my own, on my own, would be a major step in this direction.

The place I looked at was a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment with a loft above the kitchen. This would be so ideal for a home office and the fact that it isn't really much farther away from my job than my current place is now is an added bonus.

I think I'll sit on this idea for a while and get some more feedback. I'm sure those with kids and those without, or those who have been through a divorce and those who have not will have different opinions on the matter.

My son has lived in our current place with me since he was born so I can't imagine what life would be like for him after another major adjustment like relocating. It's hard enough that he is still trying to adjust to his new classroom and new teachers.

I stayed for morning meditation last Friday when I dropped him off. My son does meditation and yoga on a daily basis at his preschool. They start out their day this way and the few times that I've stayed to participate, I can truly see the benefit in doing so. I just wish I had more will-power to be able to do it on my own.

Something about meditating with 3 and 4-year-olds is inspiring to me. I can see them watching me (their teachers have their eyes closed, but I know better) and I sit up straight and tall, trying to be a role model as I follow the instructions.

Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Criss-cross apple sauce (they used to call it sitting Indian style when I was in kindergarten). Hands palm to palm at my chest.

If I had been introduced to meditation at a young age I doubt I would've gotten involved in drinking and smoking like I did. I hope that my son continues to practice yoga and meditation as he gets older. It is a wonderful way to start the day, clear the mind, and center one's self.

Now if only I could figure out a way to meditate while driving.