Saturday, December 15, 2007

The Myths of Marriage

I've been more interested in articles pertaining to marriage since mine ended. I don't know if I'll ever remarry or find someone who I will commit to for the rest of my life, but I can't help but think that being prepared - just in case - might not be a bad idea.

Recently I read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver. As always, there may not be something in this book for everyone and you may not agree completely with what the authors have to say, but there certainly are things in here I found myself nodding in agreement with.

Filled with examples, exercises and interesting data (The determining factor whether wives feel satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couple's friendship. For men, the determining factor is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couple's friendship. So men and women come from the same planet after all.), this book was written by the same author that wrote And Baby Makes Three, 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, The Relationship Cure, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, and several others.

I am pleased that I have come across this book and plan on reading it again to remind myself from time to time what is helpful (and harmful) in an intimate relationship.

I'm also happy to share with you information from an article in the December / January issue of Parenting magazine entitled, 6 Marriage Myths, by Fernanda Moore.

Fact or Fiction?

Never go to bed angry.
Having a baby brings you closer.
Spouses should be best friends as well as romantic partners.
Don't worry about your (lack of) sex life.
Don't fight in front of the kids.
Never take your spouse for granted.

Now I won't say that I believe these to be either fact or fiction but the author of this article claims that her successful marriage and those of her friends treated these common words of advice as myths.

What I think is more important than simply ignoring these statements is the fact that having set rules in any long-term relationships is a dangerous thing. People change over time, your relationship evolves into a different - and hopefully stronger - bond, which means that any rules that are set from the beginning aren't necessarily going to apply years down the road.

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