Thursday, October 18, 2007

It's Official!

It's about time. It's about independence. It's about moving on and putting my past where it belongs - behind me.

I heard from my lawyer's office today. I've had a more difficult time dealing with the end of my relationship with the legal secretary and receptionist from his office more than I've had saying good riddance to my marriage.

After sixteen long and life-altering months, I am officially divorced, no longer married, free to do just about anything I please, as long as it does not involve my son, of course. (Anything related to him still requires permission and a court order, but that's a whole other story.)

Sixteen months. I can't believe it's been that long since my ex-husband announced that he was filing for divorce. Of course, sixteen months ago I wasn't in the same place, emotionally, and it took a while for the seriousness of his statement to sink in.

Now, I can proudly say that I am stronger, happier, healthier and more confident than I've ever been before (thanks mostly to my therapist). Throughout the last year and a half (just about), I've gained new friends, fell in love, had my heart broken, reconstructed my relationship with my son, my father, and my ex-husband. Along the way, I discovered strengths within me that I never knew existed.

It's been a growing period, that's for sure, but I'm pleased to report that after all the tears and heartbreak, I have no regrets. I have nothing to apologize for and certainly don't feel there's any reason for anyone to feel sorry for me.

The only person in this world that I will need to explain my portion of the responsibility to, is of course, my son. He's much too young now to understand the implications of the marriage between his father and I or why it was not possible for us to have remained together, but at some point, I will need to sit down with him and answer the many questions that I know he will have.

I will say this right now. Each of us (his father and I) have a different version of the story to tell. And I'm certain that over time, those versions will be altered with what we recall and what we want to remember as our own truth, however different and separate those truths may be.

I am proud of my son for having the courage to deal with such a major disruption in his life and I am equally proud of his father, for having the strength and courage to walk away when he did. And I am just as proud of myself for having the strength and courage to not give up, to fight harder for the life that I want for my son and for standing up to those who weren't sure if they agreed with my course of action.

It's official. I am no longer a married woman. I'm a 30-year-old, single, working mom, newly divorced. It sounds less scary for me to say this out loud than it probably is for most married (or never married) people to hear.

We all have different paths in life that take us in directions that even we can't predict. I believe mine was chosen for me and although it's been a bumpy ride, I'm still moving, now at a faster pace, and I can't wait to see what's around the bend.


John said...

Bravo and Congratulations!
We are proud of you and very
happy for your new and wonderful
future. Love always,
Mom n Papa :)

Jen Robinson said...

Congratulations on having the strength to do what's the right thing for you, and to make this all into a positive thing for you and your son.

Single_M0M said...

Thanks, Jen. Single moms need all the encouragement we can get!