Cancer Is a Bitch

Gail Konop Baker bares all in her memoir Cancer Is a Bitch: (Or, I'd Rather Be Having a Midlife Crisis). I have no idea how Gail and I connected on Facebook, but I'm so glad we did. Once I discovered that she had written a book with such a hysterical title, I knew it was one that I'd enjoy reading.

"I imagine all the biopsied areas are cancerous and it spreads and...I become a pothead because why the hell not? I'll call my old pot connection from college and order the best. I'll get a giant purple bong and spend my days with my head floating in pillows of bong smoke, except I hate smoke. Smoke hurts my throat, which is why I was never much of a pot smoker in college. So I'll move to California instead and go to one of those bakeris for medically sanctioned users, like the one I saw on Weeds, and Mary Louise Parker and I will become best friends. I really like her. She's so down to earth and real and honest, except for the whole drug-dealing thing. But I'll help her find a better guy and do something about that brother who's driving her crazy. And when my hair falls out, she'll help me find a Farrah Fawcett wig. Finally, the hair I wanted in seventh grade. Hair that can't be mussed at night and saves me time in the morning - maybe this isn't so bad. Me stoned with good hair."

Once I started reading, I couldn't stop. I fell in love with the characters, and at one point felt a little guilty, as if I were watching this family through their kitchen window. So much emotion is exposed through Gail's descriptions, conversations and she reveals her most intimate thoughts that I now feel I know her so well.

"I want to be brave. I want to be big. I want to be gracious and cool. I want to be the Audrey Hepburn of cancer. I want to be like that girl who went to my high school, Heather Arnold. Tall and lithe and wide-eyed, she had leukemia and when her long diaphanous white-blond hair fell out, she tied the most gorgeous silk scarves around her delicate head, sloped bell-bottom pants off her jutting hips, wrapped her bony wrists in loose sheaves of silver bangles. She wore it well. She made cancer look sexy. As if the very fact that she wouldn't be here forever made her mysteroius and irresistible, more valuable than the rest of us."

The funny thing about this book is that it's not really about cancer. I know, many people would argue with me. But the way I see it, this book is about life. Life as a Mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a lover and a woman who just so happens to have breast cancer.

"I'm not sure I trust the future anymore. It doesn't exist until it happens and it doesn't happen if you don't exist."

For many of us, the crazy, scary things that life throws our way are oftentimes more uncomfortable and more distracting to those around us. Moms will relate to Gail's need to make everyone around her comfortable and secure instead of being concerned for herself.

"I stare out the window and count illuminated mile markers and think, I don't want Mike to lose me, because he hates losing things and I hate being lost so it really wouldn't work out for either of us."

I've read other memoirs about dealing with cancer but none are so real and raw as this one. Gail's family loves her to pieces and it's obvious from the way she refers to them that they are an amazing group of people who is lucky to have her in their lives.

"The things I want, I've told him, many times, in therapy and out, can't be bought.

I want a deep and abiding companionship and partnership. I want each of us to be the soft spot for the other to land on, I want our home and our family to nurture and enrich all of us, I want our level of trust to be so solid that we can laugh and cry out loud, with our entire being. I want us to feel open and free to be our best selves and now I want my health. But he can't buy that either, can't give me what I want, and that makes him feel utterly powerless as a physician and a husband."

Gail's cancer is definitely not something she takes lightly, but the fact that life must go on allows us to see that Gail, or anyone, can live a "normal" life despite a positive diagnosis.

A Good Husband

Cory, from A Good Husband is growing a mustache in honor of Movember, an event created by a group of Australian bloggers to raise awarness for prostate cancer.

The money raised by Movember is donated directly to the Prostate Cancer Foundation which will use the funds for high-impact research to find better treatments and a cure for prostate cancer.

Did you know:

• Prostate cancer is the most common non-skin cancer in the US with one in six American men developing the disease and more than 28,000 men dying of the disease every year.

• African American men and those with a family history of prostate cancer are twice as likely to develop the disease and should have regular annual testing starting at 45. All other men should commence testing at 50.

• Prostate cancer is 90% curable if detected and treated early.

For those that have supported Movember in previous years you can be very proud of the impact it has had. You can check out the details at: [Fundraising Outcomes].

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I would like you to take a few moments to focus on your breasts. Seriously.

Kane/Miller Book Publishers

I have to confess that I am in the bad habit of ignoring the routine breast exams that I should be doing. I see my doctor once a year and she asks me if I examine myself on a regular basis. For about one or two weeks afterwards, I do. I make a point of spending an extra thirty seconds (30 seconds!) making sure everything is normal (as if I have ever been accused of being anything but!). But a few months later I find myself neglecting this important ritual and so I'm reminding you, and myself, to add it as a regular part of your daily schedule.

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. But why October? Why breast cancer? There are so many other cancers that don't get their own month. Many are quite rare and some you might not be familiar with or have ever heard of. For example, did you know that there are over five types of breast cancer? You'll find a list of specific forms of cancer, with links to each, from the National Cancer Institute website.

Please take a moment and ask yourself when you last visited your doctor and whether or not you have a hereditary risk that should make you think twice about skipping that daily exam. Schedule an appointment with your physician if you haven't seen him or her in a while. You want the best for your children so be sure to be your best for them as well.


The Dana Farber Research Institute, along with children's book illustrator Grace Lin, honor her husband's battle with Ewing's sarcoma through an online auction beginning in mid-November. With the support of dozens of other children's book illustrators, Robert's Snow: for Cancer's Cure is a wonderful way to help create magic in people's lives, both through the beautiful snowflakes you bid on as well as the hope that you bring to those whose lives have been, or will be, affected by cancer.

View the 2005 and 2004 archives or go directly to the 2007 snowflakes to pick out which ones you will place a bid on. And don't forget to mark your calendar so you don't miss out on the opportunity to help raise money for an important cause.

Auction 1: November 19 - 23
Auction 2: November 26 - 30
Auction 3: December 3 - 7

My personal favorite, from the 2005 archive

(by Paul O. Zelinsky):

Too Much Information

I have a biopsy scheduled for Monday. It was actually supposed to be yesterday but I had to reschedule it. I'm hoping that I can take the day off and recover but since I'm such a workaholic I will probably end up going into the office afterwards.

If you Google the word biopsy, you come up with all sorts of medical sites that use words like pathology and malignant and cancer. CANCER.

What a test for someone who - in just the last 15 months - has been through a high conflict divorce, tried to maintain 3 jobs while raising my son and has had a different sort of health scare.

My gynecologist, who's been my doctor for 8 years now, recently discovered a mole that has grown considerably in the last year. I noticed it prior to the visit but although I knew that it was something to be concerned about I still chose to ignore it. She, of course, cannot, and was very adamant about removing it right away.

The fact that her reaction was so reactive is what startled me about the whole thing. I knew it was not something to be ignored so the health scare that brought me into her office in the first place actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I probably wouldn't have caught it, or brought this to her attention, otherwise.

I recently turned 30. It seems like everything is coming at me at once now. Don't things usually happen in 3s? If that's the case then this would be the third and final strike against me.

My hair is turning gray, probably from lack of sleep and stress. But, it's better than the alternative so my plan is to grow older gracefully and continue to just let it be.

Just this past week my mom came out to visit. It broke my heart having to tell her what's going on with me and I could see the pained look on her face when I told her about the procedure.

And then there are those who I haven't said anything about this to. My sister, my friends back "home." I figure that I'll wait to see if there's anything worth mentioning. After all, it could be nothing. It could just be the thing that makes me focus on the future and to be sure that I get what I want from this life and share it with the people who mean the most to me.

Luckily I have some very good female friends here who I can talk to about these things. A few of these women have been through similar experiences.

I have a pretty positive attitude despite the fact that the results of this biopsy are going to either make or break my future plans. I do anticipate buying a lifetime supply of wigs if need be so if it comes to that, you can guarantee I'll have photos posted with my new hairstyles. Maybe I should plan for that either way.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.