What Makes Sarah a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

Sarah is a single mom who I recently connected with on Facebook. We're both members of the Single Parents Connection group which is a great place to find support and like-minded individuals who truly know and understand the challenges of raising a family solo.

Sarah is the mother of a young girl named ZZ (no periods, not short for anything). She recently turned 3 and she and Sarah play by their own rules. Here's what Sarah had to say about her experience as a mom and finding the balance between work & family.

I am the Evaluation and Contract Manager for First 5 Napa County. I was lucky to find this position that only requires 20 hours a week. Because First 5 was created on the premise that the first 5 years of life are the most valuable developmentally, they are more than accommodating of my schedule and needs as a single mom of a 3 year old. I brought my daughter to the job interview! Since then she has accompanied me to conferences, meetings, and site visits!

What makes you happy, as a parent?

The birthday cakes I receive each morning, carefully created and handcrafted by my 3 year old. I receive the cake, candy and the Happy Birthday song every morning in bed (the cake is usually stars she pulled from a skirt, erasers, and beads)!

When my daughter will stop whatever she’s doing and exclaim, “Mama, Mama- can I tell you something?” I then say, “Yes.” She promptly tells me, “I love you.” My heart melts.


Walking around with stickers on my cheeks and a tiara on my head!

What’s the healthiest thing about your relationship with your daughter?

She and I play by our own rules. When my husband of 10 ½ years left, ZZ was only 8 months old and my world fell apart. Two and half years later I am grateful he gave me the opportunity to be a single mom. It has freed me up to live how I want to live! And that means ZZ and I play by our own rules!

When ZZ wakes up in the middle of the night she is ALWAYS welcome in my bed! We dance, hula hoop in our kitchen, jump on the bed, have Gak fights in the house with the neighbor boys, collect nature “treasures” (leaves, etc.) and bring them inside, leave the house in princess dresses, tiaras and sparkles on our cheeks!
Who cares what others think? We don’t! Oh yeah, and our 70 pound Siberian Husky, Marble, spends each morning in bed with us!

Kids say the cutest things. What is the funniest story you recall about ZZ?

ZZ has been asking me about my own mother quite a lot lately. She died about 10 years ago from cancer. I’ve been struggling with how to explain death to her keeping my own Buddhist beliefs present in the explanation.

Recently I was telling her that bodies eventually stop working and that people die, like my mother, that their spirits carry on but that we can’t be with them in the same way at this time. Her response was so sweet. She told me, “We better get your mommy a new body. Mama, you will hold your mommy’s head and I will fix a new body for her. Then we can know your mommy.”

What is your proudest parenting moment?

We were going to a birthday party recently where Cinderella was going to make an appearance. ZZ is obsessed with princesses right now. A friend asked ZZ who was going to be at the party. Her reply, “My mommy.”

What is your biggest parenting challenge?

Accepting that I won’t always “get things done.” I used to be someone who accomplished things, but now I sometimes spend hours just trying to get out of the house! Being a single parent - I struggle if I get sick or am just plain tired. I don’t have the same back-up which at times can be brutal.

What’s your favorite family-friendly restaurant?

Kelly’s No Bad Days Café, Napa, CA

What’s your favorite activity you enjoy with your daughter?

By far it’s going to the beach. My father, sister and I all surf. The beach is a very important place for us as a family. A family that surfs together, stays together!

What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

Remove all expectations of yourself and your child.

Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

I go to other single parents. I believe we have different needs and expectations of ourselves. It’s tough and we need to keep it realistic.

How would ZZ describe you?

She’d say mom participates, engages, plays, is honest and loves to kiss and snuggle!

Sarah and ZZ inspire me. Knowing that there's two child-like individuals out there dancing and leaving the house in princess attire is what makes this world such a special place. I think it could be said of most single parents but we tend to expect our children to have a bit more responsibility at an early age, which is why it's that much more important to us to allow our children (and ourselves) that time to just be children - silly, brave, proud, brilliant and curious.

I'm pleased to have met so many wonderful individuals - even if it has just been on line - and I encourage you to go out and explore your neighborhood and community for parents that you might not otherwise meet. Regardless of whether or not your children will get along, or are the same age, parents need other parents and you'd be surprised at just how much you will grow from having another experienced mom or dad to share a drink with or go to for advice.

And if you're not very outgoing, don't have time to socialize or simply can't imagine letting someone else into your life, meeting people online is another way to vent, express your opinions or learn from others. Thanks to everyone who took the time to share their lives and experiences here with the series of parent profiles. I'll be sharing my answers to these same questions shortly.

What Makes Marla a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

Marla and I met through the Single Parents Connection on Facebook.

Marla has one daughter who is nine years old. Apparently, she has the energy of a few children but that just means she's a truly amazing young woman.

I asked Marla to answer some questions about her daughter and her role as a mom. Here's what she had to say which confirmed the fact that she, too, is a happy, healthy, hip parent.

What makes you happy, as a parent?

This is a difficult question. I love traveling, which is something I have not done much of without my daughter. Exploring new places always leaves me feeling content. That said, I currently enjoy quiet time - time to read, work on projects, or even nap. I enjoy spending time writing or talking with friends about something other than parenting (okay, parenting sometimes too!). Although I help out with my daughter's ballet school, I have found that I do it for me as well as to support her. I enjoy working with the costumes, being around the other parents, and organizing the community outreach that we do.

What's the healthiest thing about your relationship with your daughter?

My daughter and I enjoy a healthy relationship in many ways. We spend time together without distraction which allows us the ability to connect in silence or via communication. We travel together, exercise together, walk to and from school together... neither of us is defined by the other but we are partners in our desire to explore life and learn all that we can.

Kids say the cutest things. What is the funniest story you recall about your child?

This has to be one of the funniest stories though it is not one that I enjoyed too much at the time! A family friend arrived at my house one December to take my then three-year-old daughter and myself to the airport for our holiday trip. As I was upstairs gathering the last of our things, my daughter informs this man that "Mamma has big breasts!" He handled it so very well while I blushed brightly. Sure, it is the truth, but..

What was your proudest parenting moment?

I am proud of my daughter each time she takes her position in ballet or each time she steps on stage. She is doing what she loves and investing so much into it. I am proud of her as she jumps for joy when she sees that doing her best in something really makes a difference... and she shares this with friends. I am overwhelmed when she recognizes that her life is different and loves it for that difference over trying to be like everyone else; when she recognizes and appreciates what the difference gives to her. When she takes responsibility for her actions, lives passionately, is kind to others, and accepts that people are different and how wonderful that is.

What is your biggest parenting challenge?

My most significant challenge is two fold. For me it is that I don't see well. When other parents can read to their kids or label objects, I can not. I am watching my daughter grow up, but it is not in the same vivid detail that other parents enjoy. It is a challenge at the worst of times and a gift at other times as I have learned to see her with my heart.

The other challenge comes with being a single parent. It is ensuring the line between child and parent exists. That line can become blurred as the relationship we enjoy sometimes seems more like a friendship. I think it is difficult for my daughter as I am everything from friend to parent to disciplinarian to nurturer.

What's your favorite family-friendly restaurant?

There are places I will not take my daughter but most places... if I go, she goes. We try to go early to avoid the crowds. I don't go to exclusive establishments often, so the idea has been to teach my child to eat in differing environments. It is much easier now that she is older! (Italian places have always been more friendly than most.)

What's your favorite activity you enjoy with your child?

We spend lots of time outside exploring or exercising. Traveling and exploring are things we enjoy doing together. We also enjoy history and the arts - visiting the Kennedy Center as often as possible!

What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

From the moment they cut the cord, your child is learning to fly. Cherish every moment; the challenges and the joys. Take the time to share your child's life and remember that it is a life that is vastly different than your own. It is a wonderful feeling to watch a child develop into their own person, discover their passions and loves, and spread their wings!!

Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

I usually don't. I will talk to this and that friend or her father for input or as a sounding board, but I don't really seek advice as much as I seek someone to listen.

How would your daughter describe you?

My daughter describes me as a "good mom," the "best mom," and even her friend. I give "the best cuddles" and she knows that "You support my dreams. That is one of your dreams."

She said that I am tall and have brown hair - which is a physical description.

A few weeks ago I asked her to describe the ad she would write were she seeking a new mom (long story behind that question). She said that she wanted someone to love her and care for her. Someone who would have fun with her and keep her safe... and feed her spaghetti and take her to ballet. She wanted someone just like me.

And maybe that is how she would describe me. I do know that she doesn't want me to change one little bit (though she tells me that I am not as funny as I think I am... but what parent is?)

What Makes Jeff a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

I met Jeff Tincher through Twitter, when I commented - sarcastically - to one of his tweets.

Jeff writes over at Daddy's Toolbox when he's not working (at home, or at the office). During the day, he is a developor and consultant for Springhouse, a computer training and consulting company, located in Exton, Pennsylvania.

Jeff has two great children. His son Logan is 4 and daughter, Kaleigh, is 2.

I asked Jeff several questions about his role as a parent and he shared several stories about his relationship with his children.

1) What makes you happy, as a parent?

I like watching my son get excited when I tell him he has done a good job or like the other day when I told him that I took his drawings and the paper that he wrote the alphabet on to my work. I told him I had my friends (coworkers) use it to help them spell! He was so excited. As for my daughter, she and I have the Father/Daughter bond going. We rub noses at night - that is our thing!

2) What is your proudest parenting moment?

I've had a few proud parenting moments so far in my children's 4 and 2 years of life. There are things that I can't believe our son knows how to do, so that makes me very proud. Like the other day he was writing all of this alphabet, his name and some other things. He's really good with that! He then was drawing pumpkins. I watched him draw a perfect pumpkin, down to the 2 triangle eyes, nose and mouth! I was shocked.

3) What is your biggest parenting challenge?

Dealing with whining. I immediately go insane at the first whine. :-)

4) What’s your favorite family-friendly restaurant?

We like Red Robin in Exton, PA. Oh EXCEPT when the "BIRD" is there. It scares my kids!

5) What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

Sometimes you just have to "give in" or else it's a battle with your kids. Like right now, I'm listening to my wife put our four-year-old to bed. He is fussing and screaming that it is NOT a school night. Well, it's Monday night so, "Yes it is!" I would have caved in by now and given in. My wife is more stubborn and is up there trying to make him understand.

6) Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

I mainly ask our other friends with kids. I've set up a group on Facebook for the parents of kids that go to our daycare. It's starting to help. We are building a support network.

I think it's a fabulous idea to start an online support group of parents that you know. Playdates and playgroups were first created for this same reason, but it's great to have a place to go 24 hours a day to ask questions and chat with other adults after the kids are asleep - or during nap time.

What makes you a happy, healthy, hip parent?

What Makes Carla a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

I met Carla through our Single Parents Connection on Facebook. She’s a single mother of three. Her oldest, Bud, is 13. Kaitybug is 11 and Miss E is 6.

Like many single parents, Carla works numerous jobs. She is a substitute teacher, an on-air talent for Froggy 106.7 and a Recovery Coordinator for her church.

Carla took some time out of her hectic schedule to talk about what makes her a happy, healthy, hip parent.

1) What makes you happy, as a parent (besides when your kids finally fall asleep)?

As a single mom I’m not ashamed to admit it’s having a night off!

2) What’s the healthiest thing about your relationship with your children?

I let them feel what they feel. I was taught “cry today, get up tomorrow,” but I want my kids to know that it’s ok to have a bad day. I want them to live life instead of plowing through it.

3) Kids say the cutest things. What is the funniest story you recall about each of your children?

Miss E. is the comedian of the family but her most recent funny moment was this Halloween. She was a bee… “so I can sting the boys.”

When Bud was in sixth grade we started talking about his future and how to achieve his goals. He wanted to get online and look at colleges so I showed him how; five minutes went by and I heard “Mom I’ve found the college for me!” I asked how he knew it was the one to which he replied, “Because it has two floors in the cafeteria!” I was quickly reminded that he’s still very much a kid.

Kaitybug likes to tell on me. I got pulled over by a police officer for speeding and while he was standing at the window asking for my information she piped up and said “Hey Mom, does he know you ran that red light too?”

4) What is your biggest parenting challenge?

Crawling into bed at night and not having someone there to fall into.

5) What’s your favorite family-friendly restaurant (name and city, please).

Casa Mare in Fort Wayne, IN.

6) What’s your favorite activity you enjoy with your children?

It’s different with each of them…I love when I put Miss E. to bed and we say our prayers. She is truly selfless in those moments. With Kaitybug she and I are growing closer and I’m watching her become a young lady. I love to listen to her talk about her friends while she helps me cook. And my son…my favorite thing to do with him is take him out to eat alone. I get his full attention and he gets mine. It means a lot to him, which in turn means a lot to me.

7) How would your children describe you?

A few weeks ago we had a meeting at church which my son and I were apart of. We each had assigned seats so he sat at the back of the room and I was at the front. At the beginning of the meeting, we were asked if anyone wanted to share good things going on or blessings in their life. A few people stood up and shared and then my son stood up. He said with a trembling lip, “I am so thankful my mom is my mom. She taught us about God and that changed our life. My mom is my hero.”

My children and I have been through so much in their short time on this Earth and that night he gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, they see my heart above my past. They hear my love above my words. The feel God above the moment.

8) Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

I have an inner circle of friends that know my heart and know my past. They aren’t afraid to tell me the truth and I have the utmost respect for each of them so I turn to them often. But before any of that, I pray. I simply pray.

9) What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

Your job is to be their parent not their friend.

10) What is your proudest parenting moment?

When someone tells me how much they enjoy being around my kids, not because of my parenting but because of the people they are…I think my kids are awesome and love to hear when others see them that way too!

Carla is an inspiration to all parents and I truly believe that her kids are the wonderful people they are because of her. Children learn by example, and through hard work, discipline and balancing work and family successfully, Carla’s three children are just as successful; just as happy, healthy and hip.

What Makes Laurel a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

I first connected with Laurel Snyder through Twitter, a social networking site that is both addicting and inspiring. It provides marketers and bloggers with great resources and countless contacts. I'm friends with her on Facebook and follow kidlit bloggers closely, which is how I first discovered her.

Getting to know someone is easy to do when they have children. Simply mention their role as a parent and you'll start to hear stories that tell you everything you need to know about the way they behave, behind closed doors. Laurel is a happy, healthy, hip mom and without meeting her in person, or her children, I can say that based on the answers she provided.

You may know Laurel from the books she's authored: Up and Down the Scratchy Mountains, Inside the Slidy Diner, The Myth of the Single Machines, Half Life, and Daphne and Jim. You can find Laurel's books at your favorite independent bookstore. She's currently working on her second novel.

It's my opinion (and that of most others I know) that all parents are working parents. Laurel does, however, earn a paycheck from her writing, although she admits that the bulk of her income goes to child care. Here's what else Laurel had to say, in her own words:

I write books for kids, and thank my lucky stars I'm able to publish them. It's a blast! Not only do I get to think and dream and get paid, but I also get to do events for children, and bring my kids along!

How many children do you have?

Two, both boys. Mose is 3 and Lewis is about one and half. They're wild men.



What makes you happy, as a parent (besides when your kids finally fall asleep)?

Oh, man. So many things make me happy. But most of all I'm happy when I see them having fun with each other. In the bath or the yard, digging with sticks, or sitting on the couch looking at books, or building a fort with pillows. didn't expect they'd be ready to play together this early, and it is really amazing. Sometimes in the car the older one will start laughing for no reason, and Lew will imitate him and they'll just cackle.

What's the healthiest thing about your relationship with your children?

I'm a believer that the most important thing is that I not be resentful or stressed, so I cut a lot of corners (baths, meals, etc). At least at this point, that feels hugely functional in our house. I'm not ashamed (or secretive about) Cheerios for dinner, or them sleeping in the buff, or sometimes turning on the TV for an hour before preschool, so I can have coffee and listen to NPR. I feel good, and so they feel good. They're VERY relaxed kids.

Kids say the cutest things. What is the funniest story you recall about each of your children?

Oh, recently Mose adopted this imaginary friend named "Little ghost". And one day we were driving in Virginia, and he freaked out and was like, "We left Little Ghost!" So I asked him where we'd left him. And he pointed out the window, to where we just happened to be passing an awesome pumpkin patch full of scarecrows and dogs and all sorts of fun stuff. Convenient, eh? We stopped, and ended up with a ton of cookies and cider. Oy.

Lew isn't very verbal yet, so everything he does is adorable, but it's very hard to describe. I love when he "talks" on the phone. And the minute we get in the car he sings and sings until we stop.

What is your proudest parenting moment?

Is it weird that I can't think of one? I don't really think of it in moments. As a stay-at-home mom, my life feels like a giant wave of routine, but I love it. Maybe that I have driven 12 hours (ATL to Baltimore) and back, by myself, three times, with both kids. I feel like it's something to be proud of that I have two boys under three who can sit and talk and sing and sleep and manage a drive like that together.

What is your biggest parenting challenge?

Balance. Isn't that true for everyone? Finding the moment BEFORE the moment where I get frustrated. Setting aside time for myself, but not skimping on the kids. Being a good mom and also a good woman. And remembering that sometimes you can't do it ALL and you have to ask for help or call it a day.

What's your favorite family-friendly restaurant?

Dakota Blue, in Atlanta. They have baskets full of toys and are just grubby enough. But not too gross. I also love to go to Holy Taco. The only Mexican place I know with brisket tacos, amazing margaritas AND chicken nuggets (or as Mose says, "tikken donuts").

What's your favorite activity you enjoy with your children?

When my husband is home and we're all here together on a Sunday morning, and we read the Times and drink coffee and the boys make a mess with art supplies and we eat sausages and raisin toast off paper plates in the living room. Usually there's some TV involved and nobody showers. It doesn't happen often enough.

What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

Do all you can to relax. I'm really worried for the Purell mommies who spend all their time researching toxins online and fretting over babysitter reccommendations. I understand the impulse, the desire to keep your kids safe. But you can't protect them from everything, and the end result is often, I fear, messed up kids.

Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

My mom. My friends. But most of all my gut. I believe in having a pediatrician I trust and leaving medical questions in her hands. After Lew was born I tossed out the books (except the AAP, for 911 moments) and swore to stop the Google searches. We all have instincts and the books tend to get in the way. Online medical and parenting advice is like the "monkeys with typewriters" phenomenon. For every concern, some crazy person online will have guessed correctly, simply because there are 8 trillion crazies online. But you can't spend your life cutting out every food that turns up in a "study." I believe in moderation.

How would your children describe you?

Mose says I'm a goofball.

To learn more about this goofball mom and author, visit her site or those of her publishers: Laurel Snyder
Random House
Ten Speed Press

What Makes Tracy a Happy Healthy Hip Parent

True to my word, I'm highlighting happy, healthy, hip parents over the next few months who may not be famous but who are raising amazing children and celebrating many other successes in their lives.

Facebook has brought me face-to-face with several high school classmates since joining, including Tracy, mother of two. Her son will be turn four in less than a month and her daughter just recently reached her six-month milestone.

Besides being a mom and wife, Tracy works as an Accounting Manager for Bechik Products, Inc., a small mattress supply distributor and manufacturer in Eagan, Minnesota. She also recently started TNT Dancer this year, a one stop shop for all dance necessities. Her goal is to grow this online business, quit her full-time job and spend more time with her children.

I asked Tracy to answer a few questions about her relationship with her children and her role as Mom.

1) What makes you happy, as a parent?

I love watching my children learn. Ryan is writing his name and beginning to read short words. It absolutely fascinates me. He isn’t even four yet! Their little minds just blow me away.

Lea is rolling all over and laughing constantly. No matter what kind of a day I had I know that she will make me smile. Every new action and gesture she makes is amazing. Just seeing my children and receiving hugs makes me very happy.

2) What’s the healthiest thing about your relationship with your children?

My children and I have a great relationship. Ryan and I are constantly laughing and making up new games. Our imaginations run wild and that is not only healthy for him, but it keeps me young.

Lea lights up when I walk into the room. Whenever she is sad and just needs a break, Mommy can always calm her down. Sometimes she just needs a break from Daddy - not everything is a game at 6 months!

3) Kids say the cutest things. What is the funniest story you recall about your children?

Ryan is constantly saying cute things. A few of them are:

“I am handsome, just like a Daddy!”

About his Spider-Man Halloween costume (it had poofy arm muscles and pecks). "I have muscles like Daddy and boobies like Mommy.”

“Mommy, you are my girlfriend.”

Lea just squeals a lot.

4) What is your proudest parenting moment?

When Ryan told me how he spells his name and then wrote it. I was so proud. He loves to learn and I like to think that I have something to do with that.

5) What is your biggest parenting challenge?

My biggest challenge is my physical limitations. I have multiple sclerosis and it can be very challenging to work full-time, take care of my 2 kids at night, and maintain a tidy home. Luckily I get help from my husband around the house and with the kids. My mother is also a huge help.

The challenging part is fatigue and how that makes it even tougher to keep up with an almost four-year-old.

6) What’s your favorite activity you enjoy with your children?

My favorite activity with Ryan is reading. It is relaxing for me and Ryan is starting to learn the words, so very fun for him.

7) How would your children describe you?

I think that Ryan would describe me as a goofball. We are always laughing and singing. Anything to be silly. My Mom was that way with my sister and I. It was great. I am bringing that same smiley outlook to my children.

Lea probably just thinks I'm the lady who changes her, gets food, and smiles a lot.

8) Who or where do you go to for parenting advice?

I go to friends or my Mother for parenting advice. If the questions I have are too technical I do some research on-line or call the doctor.

9) What advice would you give to new or expecting parents?

Enjoy every moment with them because your parents were right…they grow way to fast. Get down to their level and act like a child. Always laugh! They are only little once.

I encourage you to visit the National MS Society and donate an amount that you can afford to help fund cutting-edge research, drive change through advocacy, facilitate professional education, and provide programs and services to help people with MS and their families move their lives forward.