Complementary Parenting
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Monday, July 7, 2008
Parenting News
This week's issue of Parenting News You Can Use is now available. Included in this edition:
Who Is Louder During Sex?
Lust in Paradise, a blog over at Psychology Today, asks a very important question: Who is louder in bed? Of course, they're referring to a sexual encounter between a man and a woman (one of each, I believe) and the answers so far have been unanimously, the female.
What's your take on this subject? Do you agree that women are the more vocal during sex? And if so, why is that typically the case? Men are known to be more visual so is there a biological reason behind this? I have more questions after pondering this very simple question...Which reminds me of a recent article over at The Daily Bedpost.
What's your take on this subject? Do you agree that women are the more vocal during sex? And if so, why is that typically the case? Men are known to be more visual so is there a biological reason behind this? I have more questions after pondering this very simple question...Which reminds me of a recent article over at The Daily Bedpost.
Growing Up With Garnet Hill
Timer
(Happy Healthy Hip Parenting does not promote the use of Time-Outs)
$24.00
Hanger Organizer
$9.00
Rafters Surfer's Beach Flip-Flops
$5.00
Hoshi Dragon T-Shirt
$14.00
Zip Fleece Top
$24.00
Blocks Percale Sheets
$14.00
Camper Fall Appliqué Mary Jane
$54.00
Book Review: Reconcilable Differences
In the words of Nietzsche, "What does not kill you makes you stronger."
When I read the back of the book, RECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES: Marriages End Families Don't
, by Cate Cochran, I literally embraced it and knew I had to have it. In ten chapters, featuring the stories of ten unique families, Cate shares inspirational and unconventional ways that these families have remained intact even after the parents' marriages have come to an end.
, by Cate Cochran, I literally embraced it and knew I had to have it. In ten chapters, featuring the stories of ten unique families, Cate shares inspirational and unconventional ways that these families have remained intact even after the parents' marriages have come to an end.My ex-husband and I no longer live in the same home, but I tend to believe that our situation is more like the families' in this book than other couples we've met who have also had to redefine family live after a divorce.
When we first separated, my husband and I each took a co-parenting class called Parents' Turn. It was a class that was meant to fulfill our requirements for the court during our high conflict divorce and we each walked away from that class feeling very lucky considering how well we were getting along compared to those we met along the way.
One of the things that struck me the most was when the instructor pointed out that: Someday, when our son decides to marry, or have a child of his own, it will be necessary for his father and I to be in the same room. Our son may want us both to walk him down the aisle, for example, or be there when his baby is baptized or celebrates a birthday.
Looking towards the future - and the future of our relationship - forced me to step back and put aside my own feelings and really focus on getting along with his father and reconfiguring our family in a positive way. Not only did we start communicating more often after our separation, but to this day, we make sure that both of us are there on our son's birthday and special occasions to celebrate with him.
Back to the book: Ten couples, all with different reasons for ending their marriages, were brave enough to experiment with the family dynamics in their home by continuing to reside together, under the same roof, so their children could have both parents involved in their lives on a daily basis.
My ex-husband and I discussed this idea, briefly. Unfortunately, neither one of us were in a place, emotionally, to work together on this. Discovering that your spouse brings out the worst in you (and vice versa) is reason enough to no longer live together. I don't think that this solution (of living together after a divorce) works for each and every family, but I have a great deal of respect for those who can make it work. They sacrifice many of their own needs and wants in order for it to happen.
What I found most inspiring about the stories inside RECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES, are the lessons that the children learned from their experiences (and their parents' experiments) with the re-creation of family life:
When Peter and LJ divorced, Peter stayed in the home (in a separate unit) and LJ later remarried Jon, who had his own thoughts on the reconfiguration of families: "If you divorce in an agreeable way, especially in an arrangement where it is peaceful and people are satisfied with their lives, you show kids on a deeper level that life can be good and you can make it good."
After twenty-five years, Anna and Tom finally admitted to themselves - and each other - that their marriage was not working. After having three children together (and two from Tom's previous marriage) they had woken up to the reality that staying married was no longer a healthy option. Their teenage children learned many things from their relationship including the reality that the prince charming / happy ending fairy tale does not exist for many people. As Anna states, "That's what I want my kids to know - enjoy it and love it and be totally there for the person. But be sure that you don't need that person, that you only want that person. There's such a difference between those two words."
As a single parent, still defining my role as a divorced mom, I have to agree with the way the author chooses to view her relationship with the father of her children and hope to use them as a model to further reinforce the role of our extended family and the importance of community in my son's life.
"We have been taught from the time we were tiny children that marriage is an endgame; once we get there we are supposed to stay there. When marriage vows include the phrase 'til death do us part,' any other outcome signals failure...When we put the nuclear family on a pedestal as if it's the best structure within which to live, we set ourselves up for disappointment and disaster.
"The families in this book looked to themselves for inspiration when it came to reconfiguring. By letting the shape of the new arrangements evolve from what felt right, they created families that best fit the needs and desires of their individual members.
"...when we take the first steps toward severing marital arrangements, we tend to seek help from the 'experts' we hope will guide us, but no one knows our children better than we do.
"When we have to reconfigure the family structure, we should take it step by step, trusting our own instincts and trying to remember that we're forever linked to the father or mother of our offspring. We are the only two people in the world with that relationship, and there's something to be cherished in that."
Other books that may also be of interest:
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
Why Do I Love These People?: Honest and Amazing Stories of Real Families
The Good Divorce
We're Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents' Divorce
One of the things that struck me the most was when the instructor pointed out that: Someday, when our son decides to marry, or have a child of his own, it will be necessary for his father and I to be in the same room. Our son may want us both to walk him down the aisle, for example, or be there when his baby is baptized or celebrates a birthday.
Looking towards the future - and the future of our relationship - forced me to step back and put aside my own feelings and really focus on getting along with his father and reconfiguring our family in a positive way. Not only did we start communicating more often after our separation, but to this day, we make sure that both of us are there on our son's birthday and special occasions to celebrate with him.
Back to the book: Ten couples, all with different reasons for ending their marriages, were brave enough to experiment with the family dynamics in their home by continuing to reside together, under the same roof, so their children could have both parents involved in their lives on a daily basis.
My ex-husband and I discussed this idea, briefly. Unfortunately, neither one of us were in a place, emotionally, to work together on this. Discovering that your spouse brings out the worst in you (and vice versa) is reason enough to no longer live together. I don't think that this solution (of living together after a divorce) works for each and every family, but I have a great deal of respect for those who can make it work. They sacrifice many of their own needs and wants in order for it to happen.
What I found most inspiring about the stories inside RECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES
, are the lessons that the children learned from their experiences (and their parents' experiments) with the re-creation of family life:"It's a bizarre idea to think that staying in an unhappy situation is good, because kids know what's going on. It might not be said out loud, but we know...If you can figure out a way to be happy, the pieces will fall into place." - Maggie, 21 (she was 6 years old when her parents "transitioned")Marc and Mary decided to continue sharing a house together after Marc admitted to himself (and his wife) that he was gay, and they realized that there are other options for couples after a marriage ends. According to Mary, "what was empowering was making the decision that [their relationship] didn't have to be shattered, that it could be reinvented."
"I wasn't mad at them for their marriage not working, but I was mad that they had tried to hide it." - Julie (age 12)
Bethan, still a toddler when her parents separated, gave her mother a card which conveyed her true feelings when she was old enough to put her thoughts into words: "I'm glad that you and Daddy got divorced."
When Peter and LJ divorced, Peter stayed in the home (in a separate unit) and LJ later remarried Jon, who had his own thoughts on the reconfiguration of families: "If you divorce in an agreeable way, especially in an arrangement where it is peaceful and people are satisfied with their lives, you show kids on a deeper level that life can be good and you can make it good."
After twenty-five years, Anna and Tom finally admitted to themselves - and each other - that their marriage was not working. After having three children together (and two from Tom's previous marriage) they had woken up to the reality that staying married was no longer a healthy option. Their teenage children learned many things from their relationship including the reality that the prince charming / happy ending fairy tale does not exist for many people. As Anna states, "That's what I want my kids to know - enjoy it and love it and be totally there for the person. But be sure that you don't need that person, that you only want that person. There's such a difference between those two words."
As a single parent, still defining my role as a divorced mom, I have to agree with the way the author chooses to view her relationship with the father of her children and hope to use them as a model to further reinforce the role of our extended family and the importance of community in my son's life.
"We have been taught from the time we were tiny children that marriage is an endgame; once we get there we are supposed to stay there. When marriage vows include the phrase 'til death do us part,' any other outcome signals failure...When we put the nuclear family on a pedestal as if it's the best structure within which to live, we set ourselves up for disappointment and disaster.
"The families in this book looked to themselves for inspiration when it came to reconfiguring. By letting the shape of the new arrangements evolve from what felt right, they created families that best fit the needs and desires of their individual members.
"...when we take the first steps toward severing marital arrangements, we tend to seek help from the 'experts' we hope will guide us, but no one knows our children better than we do.
"When we have to reconfigure the family structure, we should take it step by step, trusting our own instincts and trying to remember that we're forever linked to the father or mother of our offspring. We are the only two people in the world with that relationship, and there's something to be cherished in that."
Other books that may also be of interest:
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
Why Do I Love These People?: Honest and Amazing Stories of Real Families
The Good Divorce
We're Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents' Divorce
Sunday, July 6, 2008
The Cleanest Diapers on the Planet
If I were to have another baby (or when I do), I most definitely plan on doing things differently. The main change that I would make would be the elimination of disposable diapers.
Blueberry Diapers, founded by mom Margarita McClure, turned me on to the idea of leaving behind the "convenience" of disposable diapers and switching to a safer, healthier and environmental-friendlier organic cotton cloth diapers.
There are many statistics that point to the growing problem facing our environment. Did you know that it takes (on average) between 250 - 500 years for disposable diapers to decompose?
How about the fact that the liners in disposable diapers still contain sodium polyacrylate, the same substance that was removed from tampons over twenty years ago!
I also had no idea that diapers are made from petroleum by-products. Add to that the cost to families during the diapering years ($2,000 - $2,500) and it just makes a whole lot of sense to start changing our habits within our homes.
Since babies are so much more vulnerable to toxic exposure, McClure set out on a mission to create the cleanest diaper on the planet. She did so with both Swaddlebees and Blueberry Diapers - free of bleach, chlorine or pesticides.
Swaddlebees are made of organic cotton and are designed with fun and whimsical patterns (from zebra print to blue latte). Over 32 designs are available on line as well as diaper covers and accessories.
Since babies are so much more vulnerable to toxic exposure, McClure set out on a mission to create the cleanest diaper on the planet. She did so with both Swaddlebees and Blueberry Diapers - free of bleach, chlorine or pesticides.
Swaddlebees are made of organic cotton and are designed with fun and whimsical patterns (from zebra print to blue latte). Over 32 designs are available on line as well as diaper covers and accessories.
Amber Alert
Every time I hear of an Amber Alert, I wonder what the story is behind the situation. I wonder how many of them involve the parent of the child who has gone missing. I wonder how many relationships are being torn apart - for whatever reason - and how many children are being pulled in different directions. I wonder how their stories will end.
As someone who went through a painful divorce, I can remember the plethora of emotions that I experienced as my marriage (and friendship with my husband) fell apart, as my son and I had to learn to adjust to home life without his father and as my son learned to adjust to his father's new house, without me. Our son was quite young at the time and now doesn't remember the three of us ever living under the same roof.
What he does know is that the three of us (him, me and his dad) are a family and that the two of us were thrilled to bring him into the world. He knows that although we don't all live in the same house, we're still a family. He knows that, for us, family includes my sister and her family, my parents, his paternal grandmother and his dad's sister. Oh, and his dad's best friend and my close friends and their families...
I could go on but the point I want to make is that every family is different, unique. My son knows children who are raised by their grandparents, or who have only one parent in their lives. We also know families that have adopted children, foster children, or those who have two dads and one mom, or one mom and one aunt who raise the child together. Families are a beautiful thing and I'm proud of my family, despite the fact that this is not the "family life" I envisioned having when I was a little girl.
I wonder how the children involved in the Amber Alert situations will define family as they get older. I wonder if they will know about the fact that they were reported missing at one time, what details will be explained to them, and what information will never (and should not ever) be revealed?
Will I share with my son the unpleasant memories from my past or things that I'm not proud of? Will I encourage him to ask me questions? Of course - because having him feel comfortable enough to say anything, tell me what's on his mind and ask me any question he thinks of is one of the major goals I have set for building our relationship and making it stronger as he grows up.
So far, so good.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Roll With It
New editions to my blogroll:
Hip Parents
Happy Shopping
Hip Sites
Hip Design
Hip Parents
Happy Shopping
Hip Sites
Hip Design
I'm always looking for hip and unique sites to mention and share. Share your own discoveries with us by adding a comment and link.
Don't forget to check out the sites listed on the sidebar. If you find a link that is not working, please let me know so I can update or delete, if necessary!
Don't forget to check out the sites listed on the sidebar. If you find a link that is not working, please let me know so I can update or delete, if necessary!
Friday, July 4, 2008
Beco Baby Carrier
My sister welcomed Baby #2 on June 30th and I've been having a good old time shopping for little socks, shoes, clothes, toys and all things baby-related.
I used one baby carrier when I had my son - 4 1/2 years ago - and never really ventured out to shop around for others.
If I were to do it all over again (perhaps, someday), I'd definitely try a few on and test drive as many as possible, including these cute Beco Baby Carriers:
I used one baby carrier when I had my son - 4 1/2 years ago - and never really ventured out to shop around for others.
If I were to do it all over again (perhaps, someday), I'd definitely try a few on and test drive as many as possible, including these cute Beco Baby Carriers:
July - National Child-Centered Divorce Month
by Laura Campbell of The D-Spot
The second annual recognition of National Child-Centered Divorce Month will take place throughout July across the United States. Professionals who deal with divorce issues -- therapists, attorneys, mediators, coaches, educators, clergy and others - will be joining forces to share valuable parenting messages. One of the most significant is: Don't make your child a pawn in your conflict. Instead, put your children's needs first when making decisions related to divorce or separation.
The second annual recognition of National Child-Centered Divorce Month will take place throughout July across the United States. Professionals who deal with divorce issues -- therapists, attorneys, mediators, coaches, educators, clergy and others - will be joining forces to share valuable parenting messages. One of the most significant is: Don't make your child a pawn in your conflict. Instead, put your children's needs first when making decisions related to divorce or separation.
National Child-Centered Divorce Month was initiated by author Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce. Sedacca has created a Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents and works closely with a broad group of therapists, attorneys, mediators, divorce coaches, educators, financial planners and other professionals who focus on creating the most positive and harmonious outcomes for families transitioning through divorce.
Rosalind is a fabulous author and single parenting resource for those who are looking for ways to create a parenting structure that centers on the child when moving forward.
If you would like to checkout a couple of wonderful resources, here are a just a few:
www.peacefuldivorce.ning.com
www.childcentereddivorce.com
www.howdoitellthekids.com
www.divorce360.com
www.yourchildyourdivorce.com
www.divorcemag.com
www.healthyparent.com
www.childcentereddivorce.com
www.howdoitellthekids.com
www.divorce360.com
www.yourchildyourdivorce.com
www.divorcemag.com
www.healthyparent.com
As we enter the month of July this week, it is the perfect time to recommit yourself to creating the live that you imagine and deserve....not just for you but for your children as well.
Sometimes in the face of fear, anxiety and overwhelm, it is all we can do to manage our own emotions, actions and behaviors without having to focus on our children and their needs and emotions.
I am eager to hear from you so that I can provide you with the best resources available:
1. What are your greatest parenting concerns?
2. What support can you use in creating your new single parenting philosophy?
As you share with me, I am better able to both share existing resources with you as well as create the support that you need to create an exceptional life!
I am here to support you and to help you move forward. And you are here for each other. Together we can create the life you WANT and DESERVE!
I am eager to hear from you so that I can provide you with the best resources available:
1. What are your greatest parenting concerns?
2. What support can you use in creating your new single parenting philosophy?
As you share with me, I am better able to both share existing resources with you as well as create the support that you need to create an exceptional life!
I am here to support you and to help you move forward. And you are here for each other. Together we can create the life you WANT and DESERVE!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Getting Around
I've been finding great articles and blog posts around the web these last few days. Here are several that caught my attention:
I've put together a survey of questions that will serve to provide me with more insight on what adults have to say about their introduction to sex and the conversations they may or may not have had with their own parents about the topic. Thanks in advance for your participation.
- How to Talk To Your Daughter About Sex
- 56 Reasons to Have Sex
- How to Break Up with Parental Baggage
- Hooking Up: I Just Want to Be Your Lover
I've put together a survey of questions that will serve to provide me with more insight on what adults have to say about their introduction to sex and the conversations they may or may not have had with their own parents about the topic. Thanks in advance for your participation.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Parenting Tips
Parenting Press has been providing Parenting Tips of the Week each week for years and I've only just discovered them. Some of my favorites:
- Who is Responsible for Happiness?
- When Grandma Criticizes Your Parenting
- Teach Your Child What to Do When Lost
- The Importance of Bedtime Rituals
- Reducing Parenting Conflict with Your Spouse
- Discussing Sexuality With Your Teen
Jamba Juice Bottled Beverages
I was delighted to receive samples in the mail from Nestle's new Jamba Juice line that is just being launched on the West Coast. They're now available at local grocery and convenience stores in select cities in Washington, Oregon, California, Idaho, Arizona, Colorado, Utah, and Nevada!
I had one right away - the Strawberries Wild Smoothie with Energy Boost - and I ended up skipping lunch that day, only because it kept me energized and not craving food throughout the afternoon. It was yummy, and especially exciting to know that I was drinking something healthy since it's "a good source of seven B-vitamins that help support the release of energy to aid in performance and physical stamina."
I'm not only stocking up on these when I finally locate them at my neighborhood Albertson's, but I'm also purchasing stock in the company. I have a feeling these are going to do very well since they're healthy, packed with nutrients and they taste great.
I've never been a fan of artificially colored "energy drinks" but these blended smoothies are the perfect size to grab when you're on the go and they taste much better than any meal replacement shakes that I've tried.
The new bottled beverages offer both smoothies and juices, giving consumers two options when it comes to Jamba Juice's healthy, high-quality fruit drinks. When the line for Jamba Juice is out the door on a hot summer day, I look forward to reaching in my refrigerator and pulling out an energy boost - night or day.
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