Amber Alert

Every time I hear of an Amber Alert, I wonder what the story is behind the situation. I wonder how many of them involve the parent of the child who has gone missing. I wonder how many relationships are being torn apart - for whatever reason - and how many children are being pulled in different directions. I wonder how their stories will end.

As someone who went through a painful divorce, I can remember the plethora of emotions that I experienced as my marriage (and friendship with my husband) fell apart, as my son and I had to learn to adjust to home life without his father and as my son learned to adjust to his father's new house, without me. Our son was quite young at the time and now doesn't remember the three of us ever living under the same roof.

What he does know is that the three of us (him, me and his dad) are a family and that the two of us were thrilled to bring him into the world. He knows that although we don't all live in the same house, we're still a family. He knows that, for us, family includes my sister and her family, my parents, his paternal grandmother and his dad's sister. Oh, and his dad's best friend and my close friends and their families...


I could go on but the point I want to make is that every family is different, unique. My son knows children who are raised by their grandparents, or who have only one parent in their lives. We also know families that have adopted children, foster children, or those who have two dads and one mom, or one mom and one aunt who raise the child together. Families are a beautiful thing and I'm proud of my family, despite the fact that this is not the "family life" I envisioned having when I was a little girl.

I wonder how the children involved in the Amber Alert situations will define family as they get older. I wonder if they will know about the fact that they were reported missing at one time, what details will be explained to them, and what information will never (and should not ever) be revealed?

Will I share with my son the unpleasant memories from my past or things that I'm not proud of? Will I encourage him to ask me questions? Of course - because having him feel comfortable enough to say anything, tell me what's on his mind and ask me any question he thinks of is one of the major goals I have set for building our relationship and making it stronger as he grows up.

So far, so good.

Lessons to Learn from Same-Sex Couples

A study from San Diego State University suggests that committed same-sex couples are more satisfied with their partners than married heterosexual couples. The study surveyed same-sex couples who had civil unions in Vermont, same-sex couples not in civil unions and married heterosexual couples, over a three-year period. Results of the study showed that same-sex couples reported greater relationship quality, compatibility, intimacy and lower levels of conflict than married couples.

"If you think about same sex couples, you have two women or two men, who were raised in more similar ways. They're both from 'Mars,' both from 'Venus,' and so it's actually not surprising that when it comes to relationship satisfaction they do better," said Esther Rothblum, SDSU professor. "Because of this they may not have to negotiate the huge barriers that men and women do in terms of how they view conflict, provide emotional support or handle childrearing," said Rothblum.

According to the study, same-sex couples were indistinguishable from heterosexual married couples on many other relationship variables, including the number of children, sexual behavior and frequency of contact with their parents with or without their partners. This was the first study to follow same-sex couples in civil unions over time. It was published in the January issue of Developmental Psychology.