All Our Children

by Steve Goodier

There are few things in this life more difficult to experience than the loss of one's child. Jim Wallis, in Who Speaks for God, tells about a sad and terrifying incident that occurred during the tragic war in Sarajevo not too many years back. A reporter who was covering the violence in the middle of the city saw a little girl fatally shot by a sniper. The reporter threw down his pad and pencil and rushed to the aid of a man who was now holding the child. He helped them both into his car and sped off to a hospital.

"Hurry, my friend," the man urged, "my child is still alive." A moment or two later he pleaded, "Hurry, my friend, my child is still breathing." A little later he said, "Hurry, my friend, my child is still warm."

When they got to the hospital, the young girl was gone. "This is a terrible task for me," the distraught man said to the reporter. "I must go tell her father that his child is dead. He will be heartbroken." The reporter was amazed. He looked at the grieving man and said, "I thought she was YOUR child." The man replied, "No, but aren't they all our children?"

Aren't they all our children? Those who live under our roof and those who reside with another family? Those to whom we are related as well as those whom we have never known?

Aren't they all our children? Those on our side of the border as well as those on the other side? Those of our nation no more or less than those of another?

Aren't they all our children? Those who worship like us and those who worship differently? Those who look like us and those who do not?

Aren't they all our children? The well-educated and the under-educated? The well- fed and the under-fed? Those who are secure and those who are at risk?

Aren't they all our children? Aren't they all our responsibility? ALL of them? Ours to nurture? Ours to protect? Ours to love?

I don't think it is an exaggeration to say that the survival of our world hinges on the answer to that question. To say they are NOT all our children is to condemn the world to more struggle – family against family, group against group, nation against nation.

Aren't they all our children? If we say yes, can we ever again pit them against each other? "If we have no peace," said Mother Teresa, "it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

Aren't they all our children? There may be no greater question for our generation. And how we answer that question will determine the shape of our world for years to come.

Beautiful You

by Steve Goodier

We place great emphasis on a narrow idea of physical beauty. In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how, throughout history, the concept of "beauty" changes with time. "For example," he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five-foot-one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and sported a 30-inch bust, a 25-inch waist and 32-inch hips. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?"

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well." "Why is that?" asked the professor. "For one thing," the student pointed out, "she'd be way too old."

Good point – she'd be way too old. But beauty is a peculiar thing, for it means something a little different to each of us. And it isn't always about appearance. Sometimes beauty is a quality that softly shines from inner depths. And you may actually radiate more inner beauty than you realize.

An elderly woman noticed that her granddaughter felt embarrassed by her freckles. "I love your freckles," she said, kneeling beside the girl and admiring her face. "Not me," the child replied. "Well, when I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," the grandmother said, tracing her finger across the child's cheek. “Freckles are beautiful." The girl looked up, "Really?" "Of course," said her grandmother. "Why just name one thing that's prettier than freckles."

The little girl peered into the old woman's smiling face, aglow with kindness and love. "Wrinkles," she answered softly.

The physical beauty of youth will fade. But the beauty of a spirit, when nurtured, can grow forever.

Being Grounded

by Steve Goodier

One winter morning I drove down the steep mountain roadway leading from my home. I was traveling slowly, actually just inching forward down the icy road. But the car had no traction. It was all I could do to keep it pointed downhill as I slipped and slid on the ice. Then I lost control and gravity took over. The car began a slow motion spin as it slid on its own down to the bottom of the hill. When it finally came to a stop, I was thankfully still on the roadway, but now facing the wrong direction.

My problem was traction. What had separated me from the ground's surface was just a thin sheet of ice. If I could have only made contact with the ground, I'd have remained in control. I needed to be grounded.

I think life is like that. People who are not grounded lose control of the direction they are heading. It is easy to slip and slide, hoping to grasp onto something real. Or just hoping for a safe landing.

Nancy Santo Pietro wrote a book called Feng Shui: Harmony by Design. In it she says, "In your lifetime the most sacred space you will ever need to create is the space within yourself – the place deep within your soul where you go to find peace and serenity…." She's talking about being grounded.

Finding the peace we need is really a spiritual issue. Get yourself grounded and you can navigate even the stormiest roads in peace.

Finding the Good News

by Steve Goodier

It's the bad news – newspaper headlines and world events – that generally clamor the loudest to get noticed. And there is enough bad news all around. I came across an article that reported a study of a large group of people who were instructed to evaluate all the information they received for a year and a half. They were asked to record whether what they were seeing and hearing all day long was positive or negative. These researchers determined that ninety percent of the input the group received was negative – bad news.

That may not come as a surprise to everyone. Over a half-century ago, Franklin Roosevelt told about an old man who was losing his hearing and went to the doctor for help. He was advised to quit drinking alcohol. When his family asked him what he was going to do, he replied, "Well, I've given it a lot of thought and I've decided I like what I've been drinkin' so much better than what I've been hearin', I'm just gonna keep on gettin' deaf."

There is still GOOD news aplenty. We can still hear encouraging words from friends. Any day we can witness numerous acts of generosity and kindness. And we can still spot signs all around us of love and hope. Sometimes we may have to look a little more closely, but the good news is there. Are you finding it? It's worth the effort.

Eyes on the Shore

By Steve Goodier

A story is told about a bloodhound chasing a stag. A fox crossed the path, so the hound chased the fox. After a while a rabbit crossed the path, so the hound chased it. Later, a mouse crossed the path and the hound chased the mouse into a hole. The hound began his hunt on the trail of a magnificent stag and ended up watching a mouse hole!

Not that there is anything wrong with spontaneity. Some of the most wonderful things have come into my life by beautiful accident. But there is also something to be said for knowing where we want to go.

Florence Chadwick learned the importance of keeping a goal in mind on July 4, 1952. She waded into the Pacific Ocean off Catalina Island and began swimming toward the California coast 26 miles away. The day was cold and her attendants drove off sharks throughout the journey. Florence had already swum the English Channel twice and, if she could finish today, she would be the first woman to have swum both. But after fifteen hours in the water, for the first and only time in her long-distance swimming career, she gave up and climbed into the escort boat. Others had urged her on, but in the fog they could not tell her how near she was to the coast. She later learned that she was less than half a mile from shore.

When asked by a reporter why she gave up, Florence replied: "It was the fog. If I could have seen land, I could have finished. But when you can't see your goal, you lose all sense of progress and you begin to give up."

On a warm, sunny day two months later Florence Chadwick swam the Catalina Channel, handily beating the men's record. Only when she kept her eyes on the shore did she eventually arrive there. Keeping that goal constantly in sight will get you where you want to go.

The Easiest Way to Learn

by Steve Goodier

A true story points to a universal truth about human beings: we learn best by watching how others behave.

President Calvin Coolidge once invited friends from his hometown to dine with him at the White House. Unsure of their table manners, the guests decided to imitate the presi­dent. They watched closely to see which utensils he used, what foods he ate and when.Their strategy seemed to succeed until coffee was served. Coolidge poured some coffee into his saucer. They did the same. He added sugar and cream. His guests did, too. Then the president bent over and put his saucer on the floor for the cat!

Like Coolidge's hometown guests, we, too, seem to learn best by imitation. Kids learn by ob­serving parents when they are young, and by copying their peers as they grow older. In fact, parents should probably be less concerned about whether their children are paying attention to them and more worried about the fact that their kids are ALWAYS watching.

They tell us that adults learn in much the same way. If you're struggling with your computer or want to learn to drive a car, you will be more successful if you have someone show you how to do it. You can always read the operator's manual and try to figure everything out yourself, but you will learn best by watching others and asking questions.

What if you want to become more self-confident, to organize your life, to be a better parent or to get along better with others? Again, we're told that the best way to learn these skills and attitudes is to find somebody who already is confident, or who is an effective parent or who has healthy attitudes and then mimic the traits you want to adopt. It is the easiest and quickest way to shape your life.

Just about ANY personality trait or skill can be learned: simply find it in someone you know and copy it. Then watch what happens.

Finding Your Note

by Steve Goodier

A short story by William Saroyan is titled "The Man Whose Wife's Hair Was Too Long But Whose Understanding of Music Was Too Short." If you think the title strange, listen to this: In the story, a husband plays the cello and never changes notes. He just continues to repeat the same note without variation. His wife is driven to distraction and finally protests: "Why do you play the same note over and over and over again? Other cellists play different notes."

"Other cellists play different notes," her husband replies, "because they are trying to find the right one. I've found mine."

Ahhh, the beauty of finding your note! I think I could like him. Finding your note is something like finding your purpose in life or landing where you need to be. Philosopher James Allen advised, "Above all be of single aim; have a legitimate and useful purpose, and devote yourself unreservedly to it." He could have said, "Find your note and stay with it."

I believe that is an important part of being happy. Like Helen Keller says, true happiness is attained "through fidelity to a worthy purpose."

In music, staking your claim on one note will drive everyone around you nuts. But finding the right note in life, and giving yourself to it, can be a source of unending joy.

A Life of Joy

by Steve Goodier

Mother Teresa teaches us an important lesson about happiness. She was one of those people who emanated joy. Born in 1910 in Skopje, Macedonia, she felt called as a teenager to move to Calcutta, India. Some months later she saw a sight that completely revolutionized her life.

Shortly after moving to Calcutta she spotted a homeless, dying woman lying in the gutter, being eaten by rats. After seeing that, compassion compelled her to beg an abandoned Hindu temple from the government and convert it into a crude, make-shift hospital for the dying. "Nobody should die alone" she would later say. Mother Teresa went on to establish homes for the destitute dying in numerous cities. But in spite of devoting her life to people in such dire straits, she radiated joy and happiness.

This incredible woman was once interviewed by Malcolm Muggeridge from the BBC News. He asked her an unusual question: "Mother Teresa, the thing I noticed about you and the hundreds of sisters who now form your team is that you all look so happy. Is that a put-on?"

Here was a woman who had none of the things we like to think of as bringing happiness: a home, a family, prosperity. Rather, she lived in near-poverty and spent her time wiping dirt and various body fluids from half-dead cancer and leprosy victims – and appeared to be blissfully happy. She replied, "Oh no, not at all. Nothing makes you happier than when you really reach out in mercy to someone who is badly hurt."

She would agree that happiness does not come from acquiring, but is a by-product of giving: time, money, love. Do you want a life of joy? Start by giving.

Millennium Dream

By Steve Goodier

The daughter of comedian Groucho Marx was once denied admittance to an exclusive country club swimming pool with her friends because she and her family were not members. Realizing what had happened, embarrassed officials sent the Marx family an apology and an application to join. Groucho declined the invitation with the comment, "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member."

Someone still tried to smooth over the incident by persuading the comedian to allow an application to be submitted for membership. The country club was embarrassed further when the application was denied. The reason? The Marx family was Jewish and the club was "restricted."

True to form, Groucho wrote back: "My wife is not Jewish. Can she go swimming and let our daughter wade up to her waist?"

I love his use of humor, but Groucho effectively shines a spotlight on the prevalence and absurdity of prejudice. He must have felt, as did Sir Isaac Newton so many years earlier, that we "build too many walls and not enough bridges."

I yearn for a time when we courageously break down those walls that divide and build wide bridges between one another. I long for a super-highway of compassion and acceptance spanning our differences that will unite us as one. As we ease into a new millennium, I dream of an age when people will finally be connected heart to heart and mind to mind.

My greatest desire is that we somehow learn what it means to be family.

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How's Your Vision?

By Steve Goodier

My eyesight isn't what it used to be. But as Helen Keller (who could neither hear nor see) said, "The greatest tragedy in life is people who have sight but no vision." There are numerous stories of people who lacked vision. A Hollywood producer scrawled a curt rejection note on a manuscript that became "Gone with the Wind." He had no vision for the success that movie would enjoy.

Vision is never about seeing the obvious. It's about looking ahead; about seeing what is not there – YET. It's often about seeing the potential behind the obvious. Like the potential in people. Or recognizing the potential for something good to come from a situation others are writing off as lost.

If we want to see what is really going on, we will need to learn to spot what is not there, then act on it. So... your eyesight may be perfect, but how's your vision?

Precious Moments

by Steve Goodier

A golf enthusiast listed three mental techniques to improve one's golf game. And the great part is this: these techniques not only help to improve a game, they can help all of us live better lives. They are mental attitudes that can help you and me live more in the moment and less in the past or the future. Here they are… golf tips for better living.

1. Resist the urge to add up your score as you go along. If you anticipate your score, you'll be distracted from the task at hand. In other words, live more in the present. Clear your mind of past mistakes and even past successes, and try to think only about the here and now.

2. Focus. Concentrate on hitting great shots rather than worrying about bad ones or what others will think if you miss. Visualize the ball going to your target. This is a terrific technique for daily living. Focus. Concentrate on doing the present task well rather than worrying about what others will think if you should "mess up." And get a picture in your mind's eye of succeeding at the thing you are doing right now.

3. Keep your mind on the hole you're playing. Don't think about how you are going to play the last hole. This is about resisting the urge to think ahead. If we pay close attention to the present, the future will take care of itself. Our present moment is full of power and wonder. It deserves our full attention.

Now, did you notice what all of these tips have in common? They are not about understanding the past or setting goals for the future. They are simply about living in the present moment.

The present is too important not to pay attention to it. One doctor said, "I have learned from speaking to many cancer survivor groups that (when you have cancer) the watch on your hand no longer says, 'Tick, tick, tick.' It now says, 'Precious, precious, precious.'"

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