Save the Males

I came across a blog post which caused me to think about feminism in a different way and how it has affected men in our society.

I found myself in complete agreement with most of the issues raised by Kathleen Peterson, blogger over at The Intellectual Insurgent. In her discussion, Kathleen mentions several books, including Save the Males: Why Men Matter Why Women Should Care, by Kathleen Parker. Parker discusses how the feminist movement in America has created enemies out of the opposite sex instead of its original intent to create equality.

Other books she mentions include Unprotected, by Miriam Grossman, a psychiatrist at UCLA Student Psychological Services and advocate for youth and urging others in her field (as well as parents and educators) to empower young men and women by speaking truthfully about sexuality and gender roles (and stereotypes) instead of talking to them in politically correct ways that don't benefit them as patients or respect them as individuals.

She also refers to Prude: How the Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls (and America, Too!), a book by Carol Platt Libeau.

I encourage you to head over to Kathleen's blog for more, but I do want to point out something that she said that completely held true, in my opinion:

Our cultural assumption that men only want sex has been as damaging to them as to the women they target. Here is how a recent graduate summed it up to me: “Hooking up is great, but at some point you get tired of everything meaning nothing.”

Ultimately, what our oversexualized, pornified culture reveals is that we think very little of our male family members. Undergirding the culture that feminism has helped to craft is a presumption that men are without honor and integrity. What we offer men is cheap, dirty, sleazy, manipulative sensation. What we expect from them is boorish, simian behavior that ratifies the anti-male sentiment that runs through the culture.

Being the mother of a young boy has made me realize how important it is for us as parents to educate our children (male or female) about respect, equality and once and for all, getting rid of the stereotypes that surround us as individuals.

If you're looking for a way to introduce the idea of equality to young people and allowing children at a young age to understand the concept of respect, admiration, and how truly attractive these qualities are, I highly recommend that you read Singing to the Sun, by Vivian French.

A modern twist to a classic fairy tale, this picture book uses the Princess Bride concept and allows for the lead characters (one male, the other female) to evolve and provide readers of all ages the opportunity to seek the same.

Female Superheroes

Recently, I read a post over at Tao 1776 on Superheroes and got me thinking about the female superheroes that I grew up with.

Kim Possible

The first names that come to mind are Wonder Woman, Catwoman and Batgirl. Of course, there were also more characters introduced as I got a bit older and with the new generation of cartoons and video games that cropped up over the years, such as She-Ra, the Powerpuff Girls, Princess Zelda, Rainbow Brite, Sailor Moon, Tank Girl, Xena, and Kim Possible.

Wonder Woman

The thing that I immediately notice is the difference between the original female superheroes and the modern characters from today. While I assume that most readers of comics are male, the new trend and hype surrounding manga and cartoons these days appeal to a wider audience of viewers and the parents that allow their children to be introduced by a more diverse cast of heroes and heroines of either sex.

I'd like to think that my son has a chance to view superheroes from a different perspective that I had growing up. I think that my feminist streak was born out of my interest in cars, cartoons, action, adventure and not having as many role models to choose from that were also girly in their own way.

Sailor Moon

I was such a tomboy growing up and, of course, my two best friends in the neighborhood were boys. We would play dress up and pretend we were superheroes and I, inevitably, was Wonder Woman. What lessons did I learn from her? Well, that she could be sexy, powerful and still kick ass and I am not so sure that's what I want my son to learn about power and kicking ass (it isn't always sexy).

Catwoman

Perhaps if I had a young daughter, this answer might be more clear to me as far as which superhero I would like to be and why, but for now, I'm happy with the idea that there are more options for young girls to choose from and more realistic characters for them to relate to and aspire to become as they get older.

And yes, I do hope that my son (and all young boys and girls) grow up to be powerful, sexy and still kick ass (just perhaps not all in the same day).

Multi-Tasking Moms

Are soccer moms a dying breed?

According to marketing and advertising representatives from companies who cater to families with children, the modern mom maintains her career, family, friendships, book clubs, play dates, after school activities, and date nights, as well as managing her local community and on line network and blog, all while looking good and feeling even better.

What the article failed to mention is the fact that today's women (mothers or not) grew up under a different set of "rules" than those our own mothers experienced.

My favorite T-shirt when I was around five years old (I remember it vividly) was one that read: Anything Boys Can Do, Girls Can Do Better!

Available at SuperHeroStuff.com

Not that I believed that to be true, but it empowered me to try harder, not be intimidated by those who said, "but you're a girl," and gave me permission to be whoever the hell I wanted to be. At five, I may not have realized the impact this would have on my future self, but I now know that I'm now not alone among this generation of women who refuse to settle - or sacrifice - when it comes to our careers, our families or our happiness. We make choices and with every change there does come evolution.

I don't have a daughter and perhaps I never will but I can only imagine how difficult it is to raise a young girl these days. While I was singing along to "Like a Virgin," before I was old enough to understand what that even meant, today's youth are learning about sex at a much earlier age and are exposed to much more than many parents choose to admit.

If moms do have such an impact on the advertising and marketing campaigns that major companies create, shouldn't we be witnessing a shift in the levels and frequency of sex and violence featured on television and everywhere else in our society?

I'm not sure where us Multi-tasking Moms need to start for these changes to take effect, but I do know that with each forthcoming generation of women, and future moms, change is bound to occur and the companies that cater to them are going to have to modify their approach accordingly.

It's going to be an exciting ride and we have the women and moms before us to thank.

In Response...

Over at Dad's House, there's an interesting discussion that's been catching the eye of many a blogger (single parents, especially). Here are my two cents:

1. Men are creepy. My male "friend" of over four years ended up confessing his feelings for me recently and I was TOTALLY creeped out since I had been sharing info about my life with him over the past several years (including details about my current relationship and how I feel towards the man in my life). ICK. I can never look at him the same way again.

2. A woman doesn't want to hear that she's attractive or sexy from just anyone (and if she does then she has issues). Most women only want to hear this from a guy she's totally into or finds attractive and sexy too. But, the problem is, how does a guy know if he falls into this category or not?

3. The fact that most men admit to looking at women in a sexual way (regardless of the circumstances) should serve to elicit a strong reaction from all involved. It should also go without saying that men do need women (and vice versa).

4. David wrote: "For a woman to admit she needs a man reveals vulnerability." David, it all depends on the circumstance or what she is really saying she needs. Perhaps she needs his attention. Perhaps she needs him to fulfill her fantasies in a physical way. Perhaps she needs him for a one night stand or a lifelong commitment. Perhaps she just needs to feel he wants her so she can turn around and reject him. Let's not generalize here. And to MsSingleMama - I'm not referring to you in any of the above scenarios.

Let's face it, women have been using the power of their sexuality for generations to get what they want or "need" and that isn't about to change anytime soon. (I'm not saying I agree with this or that I myself do this but then again, I'm not saying that I don't.) And for just as long, men have been trying to figure out ways to use that power against us.

I could go on but I'm afraid my blog isn't just about relationships or sexuality. But I will end with this: I need the men in my life for different things and I believe admitting that only makes me stronger.

Men, women, single or in a relationship - what do you think? Obviously the convo caused a strong emotional reaction from those who've read and commented so far...