The Results Are In

Concerned friends and family members have been sending prayers, warm thoughts and good karma my way ever since I scheduled my biopsy. Luckily, the news I received from my doctor wasn't as bad as I thought, although I do have a condition now that needs to be treated and is something that I have never heard of, of course.

Lichen sclerosis (aka lichen sclerosus) usually occurs in post-menopausal women. Clearly, anyone who knows me can understand the irony here and can appreciate why I found myself laughing out loud when I first read this fact online.

I've always been mature for my age and have, in the last few years, been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, begun to gone gray, no longer get carded at the bar, and will most likely be wearing bifocals by the time I hit the big 4-0.

Besides this new condition, I'm pretty lucky, health wise. I don't have high cholesterol, I'm not obese or falling apart emotionally, and I have all of my digits and can function properly on about 5 hours of sleep (and a Triple Grande Soy White Mocha, no Whip). I really shouldn't complain, and yet, I find myself asking, "Why me?"

This past year has been quite the challenge and yet somehow I can now laugh about the bad luck, or karma that's come my way. In fact, just today, I spoke with my therapist about finally ending our sessions together due to the fact that I'm doing quite well, considering everything I've been through. (For once in my life, I'm in a long-term relationship with a man who, at the end of our nearly two years together will celebrate with me for finally reaching a state of complete sanity.)

He's been a part of my life for so long that I come to think of him as a friend, which is strange, considering the fact that I pay this friend to listen to my problems (and for the countless boxes of tissues he's supplied). Nonetheless, I'll miss the fact that he listens to me, feeds me every once in a while and humors me when I tell him about the drama I create in my life with men.

But, all good things must come to an end and I'm proud of myself for getting through this last year (separation, rebound relationships, court dates, financial hardship, working 3 jobs, divorce, potty-training, starting my own company) without having a complete breakdown. The partial meltdown was bad enough!

I shared this link with just about everyone I know, including my therapist, but I wanted to include it here because it's just so darn healing to laugh at yourself.

The Waiting Game (Warning: Somewhat Graphic)

The biopsy went as planned. Monday morning I woke up, drove to my friend's house so she could accompany me and we drove to my doctor's office while talking about the arrival of her new baby (she's 39 weeks pregnant).

As my doctor explained, there would be a slight pinch as she numbed me with a Novocaine-type shot. She asked me not to move, but said that yelling out would be OK. I did yell out loud when the needle pinched and then burned but, immediately, the Novocaine went into effect and I could no longer feel any pain. She began to cut out the lesion with a scissors.

She worked quickly and before long, she was done and sending me off on my merry way. I was walking a bit slowly at first since it was slightly uncomfortable, but the pain did not kick in until I sat down in the car and realized that sitting was going to be the most unpleasant thing for me while I heal.

My friend drove us back to her place where she made me a latte and we sat for a while until I felt ready to go back to work. Yep, I went back to work, although the worst part of the whole thing was that I of course did not get any sleep the night before, so I was exhausted, uncomfortable and in pain.

I didn't stay long at the office. I went home and took a much-needed nap before picking up my son from preschool. After not seeing him for 3 days it was great to be able to bond with him and spend time just watching him and listening to him explain his weekend, his day at school, and all about his favorite toys.

The waiting game begins. My doctor says it'll be 1-2 weeks before the results come back. My patience is already pretty thin, so I'm wondering how many more sleepless nights I'll have until the results come back.

Too Much Information

I have a biopsy scheduled for Monday. It was actually supposed to be yesterday but I had to reschedule it. I'm hoping that I can take the day off and recover but since I'm such a workaholic I will probably end up going into the office afterwards.

If you Google the word biopsy, you come up with all sorts of medical sites that use words like pathology and malignant and cancer. CANCER.

What a test for someone who - in just the last 15 months - has been through a high conflict divorce, tried to maintain 3 jobs while raising my son and has had a different sort of health scare.

My gynecologist, who's been my doctor for 8 years now, recently discovered a mole that has grown considerably in the last year. I noticed it prior to the visit but although I knew that it was something to be concerned about I still chose to ignore it. She, of course, cannot, and was very adamant about removing it right away.

The fact that her reaction was so reactive is what startled me about the whole thing. I knew it was not something to be ignored so the health scare that brought me into her office in the first place actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I probably wouldn't have caught it, or brought this to her attention, otherwise.

I recently turned 30. It seems like everything is coming at me at once now. Don't things usually happen in 3s? If that's the case then this would be the third and final strike against me.

My hair is turning gray, probably from lack of sleep and stress. But, it's better than the alternative so my plan is to grow older gracefully and continue to just let it be.

Just this past week my mom came out to visit. It broke my heart having to tell her what's going on with me and I could see the pained look on her face when I told her about the procedure.

And then there are those who I haven't said anything about this to. My sister, my friends back "home." I figure that I'll wait to see if there's anything worth mentioning. After all, it could be nothing. It could just be the thing that makes me focus on the future and to be sure that I get what I want from this life and share it with the people who mean the most to me.

Luckily I have some very good female friends here who I can talk to about these things. A few of these women have been through similar experiences.

I have a pretty positive attitude despite the fact that the results of this biopsy are going to either make or break my future plans. I do anticipate buying a lifetime supply of wigs if need be so if it comes to that, you can guarantee I'll have photos posted with my new hairstyles. Maybe I should plan for that either way.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.