Cancer Is a Bitch

Gail Konop Baker bares all in her memoir Cancer Is a Bitch: (Or, I'd Rather Be Having a Midlife Crisis). I have no idea how Gail and I connected on Facebook, but I'm so glad we did. Once I discovered that she had written a book with such a hysterical title, I knew it was one that I'd enjoy reading.

"I imagine all the biopsied areas are cancerous and it spreads and...I become a pothead because why the hell not? I'll call my old pot connection from college and order the best. I'll get a giant purple bong and spend my days with my head floating in pillows of bong smoke, except I hate smoke. Smoke hurts my throat, which is why I was never much of a pot smoker in college. So I'll move to California instead and go to one of those bakeris for medically sanctioned users, like the one I saw on Weeds, and Mary Louise Parker and I will become best friends. I really like her. She's so down to earth and real and honest, except for the whole drug-dealing thing. But I'll help her find a better guy and do something about that brother who's driving her crazy. And when my hair falls out, she'll help me find a Farrah Fawcett wig. Finally, the hair I wanted in seventh grade. Hair that can't be mussed at night and saves me time in the morning - maybe this isn't so bad. Me stoned with good hair."

Once I started reading, I couldn't stop. I fell in love with the characters, and at one point felt a little guilty, as if I were watching this family through their kitchen window. So much emotion is exposed through Gail's descriptions, conversations and she reveals her most intimate thoughts that I now feel I know her so well.

"I want to be brave. I want to be big. I want to be gracious and cool. I want to be the Audrey Hepburn of cancer. I want to be like that girl who went to my high school, Heather Arnold. Tall and lithe and wide-eyed, she had leukemia and when her long diaphanous white-blond hair fell out, she tied the most gorgeous silk scarves around her delicate head, sloped bell-bottom pants off her jutting hips, wrapped her bony wrists in loose sheaves of silver bangles. She wore it well. She made cancer look sexy. As if the very fact that she wouldn't be here forever made her mysteroius and irresistible, more valuable than the rest of us."

The funny thing about this book is that it's not really about cancer. I know, many people would argue with me. But the way I see it, this book is about life. Life as a Mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a lover and a woman who just so happens to have breast cancer.

"I'm not sure I trust the future anymore. It doesn't exist until it happens and it doesn't happen if you don't exist."

For many of us, the crazy, scary things that life throws our way are oftentimes more uncomfortable and more distracting to those around us. Moms will relate to Gail's need to make everyone around her comfortable and secure instead of being concerned for herself.

"I stare out the window and count illuminated mile markers and think, I don't want Mike to lose me, because he hates losing things and I hate being lost so it really wouldn't work out for either of us."

I've read other memoirs about dealing with cancer but none are so real and raw as this one. Gail's family loves her to pieces and it's obvious from the way she refers to them that they are an amazing group of people who is lucky to have her in their lives.

"The things I want, I've told him, many times, in therapy and out, can't be bought.

I want a deep and abiding companionship and partnership. I want each of us to be the soft spot for the other to land on, I want our home and our family to nurture and enrich all of us, I want our level of trust to be so solid that we can laugh and cry out loud, with our entire being. I want us to feel open and free to be our best selves and now I want my health. But he can't buy that either, can't give me what I want, and that makes him feel utterly powerless as a physician and a husband."

Gail's cancer is definitely not something she takes lightly, but the fact that life must go on allows us to see that Gail, or anyone, can live a "normal" life despite a positive diagnosis.

Selznick, Frazee & A Big Box of Books

The SCIBA Trade Show and Authors Feast was last night. It took us nearly three hours to get to the Biltmore with an accident, road construction and typical Saturday evening traffic holding us back but we finally arrived!

We had enough time to walk the floor of the Trade Show, visit with many wonderful Sales Representatives and page through several fall books which I had not had a chance to see prior, and we still had time to mingle, enjoy a cocktail and wander through the beautiful hotel to see what other events were taking place that evening.

I was joined by two of my colleagues for dinner: Lynn, who most SCIBA members recall from her previous position as manager of The White Rabbit; and Christina, from The Book Works in Del Mar.

Also at our table was a member of the Harcourt children's division (also located in San Diego), along with four booksellers representing Russo's Books and Newsboy Books & Video.

The highlight of my night was meeting two of the award nominees (the two that I would've asked to meet if I was able to choose). Marla Frazee, whose work I absolutely adore, sat down at Table #12 just before dessert was served (what was that, by the way?). I nearly leaped across the table to shake her hand and gush over her work. She took me by surprise when she mentioned that some of her favorite picture books were Kane/Miller titles and I couldn't even begin to think of what to say to her after that, especially since we had to practically yell at one another to be heard.

Lynn was able to introduce me to Brian Selznick after the event and I was able to congratulate him after he received his much-anticipated award for his children's novel, The Invention of Hugo Cabret.

Other award-winners were: Lisa See (Peony in Love), Wendy Werris (An Alphabetical Life), Denise Hamilton (Los Angeles Noir), and Robin Preiss Glasser (Fancy Nancy and the Posh Puppy), who admitted on-stage that she had a little too much to drink.

It was a wonderful event and I was so pleased to be able to attend and very grateful for the big box of books that I opened early this morning with my son, who insisted that I read him Bossy Bear and Merry Christmas, Mouse! immediately. (This of course, after he asked me why his babysitter had to leave.) Welcome home, Mom!

Cybils: 2007 Fiction Picture Book Nominations

I'm faced with a different dilemma each day. This morning, I discovered that so far, one Kane/Miller picture book from 2007 has been nominated in the 2007 Cybils Fiction Picture Book category. The dilemma is now deciding which one picture book we've published this year that I would nominate if I could.

Anne-Marie of A Readable Feast has nominated Samsara Dog, a sophisticated picture book for older readers that discusses the idea of reincarnation. Both text and illustrations were created with care and both Helen Manos and Julie Vivas did an amazing job in this collaboration that touches on the Buddhist concepts of Samsara and Nirvana.

Samsara Dog lived many lives. Some of his lives were long. Some lasted only a few days. Dog never remembered them. He lived each life as it came, until he learned the most important lesson of all.

In one of his lives Dog lived on the street...Dog loved nobody. Dog trusted nobody. Dog lived for himself...

Samsara Dog lived many lives: with a biker gang, as a sniffer dog, was born very small and very sick, shared his next life with a street juggler, came back as a rescue dog, was welcomed into a big house with four girls who adored him, and finally, he found the boy.

When he was with the boy, Dog's heart skimmed like a song. He loved the boy more than he loved himself...Nothing was better than being with the boy.

Illustration from Samsara Dog,
written by Helen Manos and illustrated by Julie Vivas
(Kane/Miller Book Publishers, 2007)

I can't possibly explain how touching this story truly is. Originally published in Australia by Working Title Press, Samsara Dog a book that one must first read, alone. There should be time set aside for reflection afterwards - and a chance to wipe away your tears before sharing this beautiful treasure with loved ones. And trust me, you will want to.


The great thing about working for such a small company is that each and every one of us has a say in the books that are published. We read them to ourselves, we read them to our children, we read them aloud to one another. And in the end, we only publish books that we are all 110% enthusiastic about. We brainstorm about who would buy it, how it would be used in a classroom / story time setting, and how we would market it to the adults who sell it to consumers (our bookseller friends who have the arduous task of choosing books for their store among the thousands that are available each season).

The difficulty I have then, is that I am equally connected to and could just as easily recommend any of the following for a nomination in the fiction category for this year: The Zoo by Suzy Lee (South Korea), New Clothes for New Year's Day by Hyun-Ju Bae (South Korea), The Story of Cherry the Pig by UtakoYamada (Japan), And What Comes After a Thousand? by Annette Bley (Germany), The Short and Incredibly Happy Life of Riley by Colin Thompson and Amy Lissiat (Australia), and My Cat Copies Me by Yoon-duck Kwon (South Korea).

Illustration from And What Comes After a Thousand?
by Anette Bley
(Kane/Miller Book Publishers, 2007)

I would not be able to choose between Could You? Would You? by Trudy White (Australia) and Who's Hiding? by Satoru Onishi (Japan) for the non-fiction picture book category nomination.

I realize that these are not all of the picture books we've published in 2007 but I know children's books. After all, I'm surrounded by the best books from around the world on a regular basis and several of the nominated books from the Cybils list sit on my son's bookshelves at home as I want to expose him to all types of books, but of course, only the best.

I can't imagine being on any committee where selecting only one or a few winners is the end result. It'd be like asking a parent to choose their favorite child. Therefore, I'm not going to select just one Kane/Miller title to nominate this year. I'll leave that up to the readers. After all, I'm going to be busy trying to narrow down which wonderful books from around the world we'll be publishing for the fall 2008 season.

Seven Years of Bad Luck

I'm working at the bookstore this weekend. There are a number of mirrors around since we sell jewelry and eye wear. People like to see what they look like with reading glasses on or a necklace or earrings.

I, personally, like to use them to make sure I don't have any food in my teeth, or hair out of place. I was a bit sad when I learned that two mirrors were broken recently. I was also relieved that I hadn't been the one to break them. After all, I've had enough bad luck (or karma) in the last year and a half to make up for most people's seven.